Post # 1
I am getting married September 17, 2011. I have already sent out my save-the dates- with my wedding webiste info where it says under Guest Information: ‘Reception, immediatly following, is adults only please.’ On my invitations (which I haven’t sent out yet) it says, ‘Adult reception immedialtly following.’ I have already gotten RSVP responses that ask: “Can you please clarify kids attending?”
In my mind, this has already been clarified. The invitation and save the dates are not adressed to the kids, and everything says adults only.
What is a good response for this question? I am looking for a short answer that I can send to everyone who asks, so there isn’t any confusion, and so I don’t start allowing some kids and not others.
I was thinking, “I am trying to keep it adults only due to budget constraints and it is going to be an open bar, which tends to be more of an adult atmosphere. So, I am sorry, but we are having an adults only wedding.” This sounds harsh to me, and I don’t want to offend anyone, but I need to be very clear.
My intentions were not to say 21+ only. I just don’t want/can’t afford to have alot of children. I do not want people to feel that if they can’t get a babysitter then they are not welcome. But, I did give everyone 6 months notice to find a babysitter!
HELP ASAP please.
Post # 3
I always felt like if you say ” no kids” then that means 18 and up, which is what we did, except for my two cousins who are 16 and 15, but they are mature and certainly aren’t classified as kids to us. So it’s kind of a case by case basis.
You just have to keep repeating yourself. if the family in question is asking this and has a 15 year old, you may have to specify to them whether or not said 15 year old is a “kid” in your book.
Just stand your ground, and repeat yourself over and over again, annoying, but it works
Post # 3
I would just keep it short and sweet, and make sure that you stick to your guns. An “I’m sorry, but we are having an adult only reception. I hope you can make it” would suffice, and no explanation necessary. I wouldn’t say anything about budget, because you may have those people that offer to pay for an extra plate, and then you are kind of stuck.
Post # 4
Straight from my wedding website:
We respectfully ask that children not be in attendance. Please take the opportunity to relax and temporarily pass on the responsibility of kiddos to willing friends and relatives and enjoy a night out with us!
Hope that helps!
DO NOT let your guests make you feel guilty for your decision. You gave your guests plenty of notice. Stand firm and stay strong! 🙂
Post # 5
@nqz100: That’s an excellent point re: bringing up the budget.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
@meladoug:I like this answer. If someone still isn’t getting it at that point, I also think you don’t need to continue with the positive (adults only) and can go with the negative (no children). 😉
Post # 7
On our website, we wrote …
Due to limited space and seating, we kindly request that no children other than family attend.
I haven’t gotten any negative feedback from that, but we didn’t do save the dates and our invites haven’t gone out yet (we’re getting married September 17th as well).
Post # 8
It’s odd that they would ask for the kids policy to be clarified when the invitation actually states “Adult reception to follow” – I wonder (and this is just a shot in the dark) if they are trying to figure out whether kids at the ceremony is permissible? I mean, that would still be odd, because, practically speaking, how are you going to bring a kid to a ceremony and not to the reception?
Anyway, I would give those people a call and say, “We’re sorry, we won’t be able to accommodate Johnny and Sally, but we hope that you and Joe will be able to make it – we would love to have you there!” If they ask why – which isn’t entirely their business anyway, you can just say something about the venue capacity (if it’s believable – not if you’re going to have 50 people show up to a place that can hold 300). I tend to think you shouldn’t have to tell people about your budget constraints because your money isn’t their business – but if you’re comfortable telling them that reason, you can.
I would avoid telling them your reasons having to do with wanting an adults-only atmosphere – only because I think that will cause people to argue with you more.
Post # 9
Just let them know
“Unfortunately we will not be able to accomodate the kiddos. We hope that you and your SO will still be able to make it & celebrate with us.
Response: Oh you can… great we look forward to seeing you!
Oh that’s too bad.. we understand though. Thanks so much for letting us know
I also set up to have childcare available JUST IN CASE someone brought their kiddos… I was more worried about the ceremony considering I’ve been to a wedding where a 2 y/o went ROAR every 30 sec through the ENTIRE thing! lol
Post # 10
Thank you SO MUCH ladies! This was so helpful! I decided to leave it simple. “I’m sorry, but we are having an adult only reception and are unable to accommodate children other than family.” (There are 2 or 3 family cousins that will be there but they are 15+) I think you all were correct. Our budget is not really anyones elses business. I didn’t even think of not giving an explination! But it was perfect! Thank you!
Post # 11
“It is going to be more of an adult atmosphere. So, I am si sorry, but we are having an adults only wedding.”
Post # 12
I think the only confusion that could come from this is that you mention an adult-only reception twice. What about ceremony? Maybe that’s what they’re asking about.
Post # 13
I bet they haven’t gone onto your website, since they may not have the time/technology, etc and are unaware of the rule. Perhaps the questions will lessen when the invites go out and the “no children” sentence is right on the invite?