(Closed) Help – husband's mental health

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I am so sorry you’re going through this.  My SO has depression and anxiety issues as well – couple that with looking for his first new job in over 20 years, and well, let me say – it hasn’t been very fun the last few weeks. ๐Ÿ™

I wish we had resources for him to speak to someone.  I think it would help him – and us – a great deal.  I wish I could just touch his brain and make it all go away for him, I see it in his eyes when he panics and it scares the crap out of me and saddens me at the same time.  It’s so difficult to see him go through this, and it takes a toll on me as well.  It’s not easy living with someone who feels as if they are losing their mind each and every day. ๐Ÿ™


Post # 5
1210 posts
Bumble bee

I think its totally okay if you make the appointment for him. I think its really supportive of you to do so. I used to work in an MD office and many wives would make appointments for their spouses. Regarding psychiatrist vs psychologist, I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist (MD) first. The doctor can always refer him to a psychologist if he/she recommends 1:1 counseling, but I think in your husband’s case, he needs to be seen by an MD based on your description.

Post # 6
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I worked in an anxiety clinic for two years before I started my PhD and at least for us, we were happy to chat with the spouse or family member of a prospective patient, but we also screened for a study and would need to speak with the recipient of therapy directly before we could make an appointment. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you making the call, paving the pathway, and being there to support him if he does need to spend time on the phone – that’s very supportive ๐Ÿ™‚

I can’t really speak to whether he would need to start drugs first because I worked in a psychologist’s office (so we took both medicated and non-medicated people and just worked with what we got), but I’d check out CBT-style treatment rather than just talk. It can do a lot to help reorganize anxious thinking. And some studies show that medication and therapy work best in conjunction with each other anyway, so exploring both options is smart.

Good luck and good for you for being so involved and supportive in his care!

Post # 7
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@brownbutter:  Exactly – I would love to be able to vent to friends and family, but everyone thinks we’re the perfect couple. :-/  I also don’t want to embarrass him by bringing this out into the open.  I have a friend or two I have confided in, one who has anxiety and depression issues herself, so that has helped some.

I think it’s wonderful of you to make him the appointment. Please keep us updated.  I am really hoping that the stress of looking for work is what’s caused this trigger and once he gets settled into a new routine it gets better.  He’s usually a very positive person, and he worked through a minor bout this winter, which I was so proud of him for.  I hope he can do it again.

Post # 8
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@brownbutter:  I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this.

I would suggest that you make the appointments for him (this is not frowned upon).
And realistically, he should be seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. So I would make both appointments.

My professional suggestion, is that he enter therapy (with a psychologist), while maintaining contact, and being treated by a psychiatrist. Not just until he can function again (this is a common mistake). He needs long term treatment. This can be costly, and time consuming, but will have much better results, and hopefully prevent these unfunctional lows which keep reoccuring, and will continue to reoccur without proper long term treatment.

I also suggest that yyou talk to apsychologist as well (although for ethical reasons, it will have to be someone different than your husband is seeing). This will help you with the stress, and emotional struggles you are going through during this time, and in my opinion will help to prevent any resentment from occuring in the future.

Good Luck, Wishing you all the best.

Post # 9
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hey OP, I have a lot of personal experience in this, so please feel free to PM me. 

Post # 10
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Big hugs. My Fiance suffers hardcore from depression and anxiety. I do, too, but not nearly the extent that he does. Unfortunately, medication for depression/anxiety is a giant game of trial and error. The last medication he tried left him completely numb–he had no lows, but he had no highs, and he was miserable. His aunt is a therapist and suggested fish oil, vitamin B, and I believe Wellbutrin? St. John’s wort is good, too. 

Post # 11
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sorry, I don’t have a lot to offer in the way of “Professional Advice”… but I did want to leave you a message of support.

I think what you are doing is FABULOUS !! 

My life went severely “off the rails” as my 20+ Year Marriage broke down, fell apart, and the subsequent Horrible Divorce… I sooo wish that I had had a family member or friend looking out for me (ya sometimes can’t see the forest for the trees… when you are in this dark place called depression). 

Sadly, because of the stigma surrounding mental illness (and even the way society sees us as all needing to be “super human”… so that just not being able to cope in general is now a bad thing) I suffered for too long with years of feeling immense sadness, and being in a “dreadfilled funk” that I couldn’t seem to get out of… (it is truly like being in the midst of a maze… a never-ending maze that your mind can’t comprehend WHY let alone HOW)

Anyways… I send you ~~ Good Vibes ~~ and heartfelt (( HUGS )) in hopes that BOTH your Hubby and you can find some much needed peace and brighter days.

PS… Ya know even if he doesn’t say it… he’ll probably appreciate you taking the first steps to help him figure it all out.  Sometimes just getting started can be the hardest bit (between the mind not being able to think clearly being so overwhelmed and the stigma… but yet again)


Post # 12
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@vorpalette:  My SO is on a few supplements, including fish oil, as well.  He also takes valerian root and says it helps. 

Big hugs to all the bees going though this.  I think it helps knowing we are not the only ones with SO with these issues.

Post # 13
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m by no means a professional, but as someone who is being treated for depression and anxiety, I highly recommend him see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist.  He needs long term treatment so this doesn’t happen again.  I have accepted that I will be on anti-depressants and be in therapy for the rest of my life.  Right now, things are going great, so I only see my therapist once a month.  When I first started I was having terrible issues, so I saw her weekly.  If I ever did get to a point where it was bad again, I would start seeing her more frequently.  It can be costly, but I swear, being happy is worth EVERY PENNY!  Some people just have imbalances in their brains that require this sort of thing.  I definitely think it’s okay that you make the appointment.  I almost had my Fiance make the appointment for me a few years ago when it was getting really bad.  It’s great that you’re being so supportive, but you can only sustain being his only support for so long.  Good luck to you both.

Post # 14
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

so sorry hun ๐Ÿ™  You can definitely make the appointment for him – and I’d ask him if he’d be okay going with you. Poor thing, anxiety can be incredibly painful and debilitation for everyone involved. 

Post # 15
228 posts
Helper bee

As PPs said, go ahead and make the calls. If i were you i would ask when i made the 1st appointment who they would reccomend for talk therapy/psychiatry so you can go ahead & make the other appt right away for less wait time. Also, if he has a PCP and you are getting long waiting times, call your PCP, tell them how desperate he is, and ask for help getting an earlier appointment. I would also stay away from naturopathy at this point bc some herbs interact with psych meds and could delay him starting meds. Finally, i have found acupuncture can help me feel some relief by opening up an emotional release so it might be something to try in the meantime. Acupuncturists are used to a lot of patients including non-psych ones breaking down on the table from relief.

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