(Closed) Help I am not sure what to do.

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
  • poll: Should I go ahead on planning on having my wedding?
    Go ahead and plan to get married on my day : (20 votes)
    69 %
    Wait to see what happens : (2 votes)
    7 %
    I just love polls : (4 votes)
    14 %
    Give up now : (3 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would high-tail it to the nearest Protestant church….don’t get me started about Catholicism  (I am marrying a divorced Catholic, who is coming over to the Protestant side because how he was made to feel after his divorce).

    I am also the child of a “mixed-marriage” (Catholic and Protestant) and could tell you stories about what my father said to the priest prior to my parent’s  ceremony in 1957…)

    Post # 4
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    May I ask what the reason was that your priest gave for being unsure? Because that would change my opinion of what to say. Honestly i’ve never heard of a priest being ambivalent like that.

    Post # 6
    Member
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I think we need some additional information to be able to advise you.  Are the classes you are attending for one of you to join the Catholic Church, or are you only attending pre-Cana classes? Are both of you currently active members of your parish, and do you both intend to be active members of the parish following your marriage?

    Post # 7
    Member
    127 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Plan on the date that you already chose, go to the classes and show up every Sunday for mass.  Make sure he knows that you are in attendance each week.  If you do everything expected then he should have no reason not to marry you.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I’d tell him no thank you, and go find someone who isn’t so condescending.

    Post # 9
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Wow, I mean I get the intent behind what he’s trying to do, but it’s coming off as super judgy and, dare I say it, holier-than-thou. Is he doing this to everyone that’s asking to be married there? I guess I’d go ahead and plan around him marrying you guys, making sure to attend basically every mass in the meantime, i guess. Alternatively, do you think he would be open to allowing you guys to bring in an outside priest? We’re actually being married by the deacon from my FI’s church, but in my home parish with home priest celebrating the mass parts because the priest has changed since I moved out and we wanted to be married by someone who knows at least one of us. I don’t know if your Fiance is Catholic as well, but maybe that’s an option?

    Post # 10
    Member
    1328 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I would look for other church.  That of course depends on the area you live, where I live I could fine 20 Catholic chruches in a 15 mile radius, if that’s the only church near you or if it’s your family church then that plan doesn’t work.  Otherwise I would find out if you can bring in an outside priest, as a back up plan.

    Post # 11
    Member
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Is the priest telling you that he just cannot officially book that date for you until you finish the pre-marital classes?

    I am a catholic bride and our priest told us straight up that he could ‘pencil us in’ for our date, but it could not be official until we had finished our marriage prep. He assured us that nothing else would be scheduled in place of our wedding, but our diocese requires the counseling to be completed before anything is official.

    So maybe that is the reason. I hope you are able to get this all worked out. And if it was me I would maybe speak with another area catholic church to see if this is common practice and maybe even book the date there so that there is a back up plan.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would say, go ahead with the planning and the marriage preparation. Chances are it will all be fine. You can still book your reception hall, photographer, florist, etc. – just hold off on sending the actual invitations (which you wouldn’t really need to do for a June wedding until early April anyway) until you get the green light. If by some chance March rolls around and he refuses, you would be able to do any of a couple of things:

    – have a civil wedding ceremony and seek a convalidation afterward. (Definitely not ideal, and, being a practicing Catholic myself I definitely don’t recommend it, but if he paints you into a corner like this, you still have this out. From his standpoint, it would probably be preferable to marry you in his church than to have you go to the JOP, so I doubt you’d end up in this situation)

    – go to another Catholic church, explain the situation, demonstrate that you’ve completed all the marriage preparation requirements (keep a folder of documentation handy just in case!) and ask another priest for help. Again, chances are your priest would prefer to avoid driving you to do this as it would be embarrassing for him.

    – Appeal to the priest’s sense of “the lesser of two evils.” You, as a Catholic, are going to marry your fiance one way or the other: you can either do it the way the Church wants you to, or you can do it in the way the Church views as living in sin. Even if/though your Fiance is not Catholic, your priest actually has a responsibility to you as his parishioner to provide you with the sacraments. (Technically, according to Canon law, I’m not sure he can really refuse to marry you! Talk to someone with more expertise than a stranger on the Internet before you go saying anything like that to him, of course, but I remember reading something about how Catholics have a right under Canon law to access the sacraments in their parish, and the priest can’t refuse them. PM me and I’ll try to find the book – I know it’s here somewhere.)

    Post # 14
    Member
    590 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @ashasmith:  This may or may not be true but I had heard/read (maybe incorrectly) that in order for a catholic to marry a non-baptised person they have to seek special permission from the deacon??

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think thats typical, the whole point of those pre-marriage courses is to determine if the couple is ready to marry eachother. If in the end the priest decides he won’t marry you there is no reason you couldn’t get a regualr Justice of the Peace to do it, even in the church, you shouldn’t have to only go with the priest.  Also another option would be have all the paperwork finalized and have a friend officate a renewal ceremony in place of the actual ceremony.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1210 posts
    Bumble bee

    @dkacerek:  I don’t think this is very helpful to the OP or answers her question.

    @ashasmith:  Is your Fiance taking RCIA classes? Is the priest’s concern that your Fiance isn’t baptized? If he is taking RCIA classes, he would get baptized at the Easter Vigil, so maybe that is was the priest is referring to.

    If your Fiance is not baptized, the priest has to give you a dispensation (permission) to marry in the Catholic church for disparity of cult. It also wouldn’t be considered a sacrament. The priest can deny you that permission. If your Fiance truly wants to become a baptized, confirmed Catholic, the priest would not have to grant a dispensation. If your Fiance does not want to be baptized, I would recommend seeking out a different church and speaking to another priest.

    The topic ‘Help I am not sure what to do.’ is closed to new replies.

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