(Closed) Help!! I don’t know what to do!!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Personally… I would be TOTALLY freaked out and would not date him. BUT there was a thread a while ago about men wearing women’s lingere and a bunch of bees admitted their men do it and they are cool with it which I was really surprised about! Bottom line… If it wierds you out don’t continue the relationship… It’s only been three weeks.

Post # 4
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m glad that he shared this secret with you relatively early on in the relationship, before you both were too heavily invested in it. I personally could not and would not choose to continue dating a man who had shared that type of revelation with me. Although he may be a nice guy, and you may be very attracted to him, if you are not comfortable with the thought of your future husband dressing like a woman, I would be completely honest with him and let him know that you just cannot continue to move forward with this relationship.

Post # 5
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s been three weeks– be happy he told you now and not in three years! I say that you know what you are comfortable with and what you are willing to accept. If you don’t like this, you are still so “new” into it that you can break it off without too much fallout. I suggest thinking long and hard because if you continue this relationship, you cannot expect him to change.

Post # 6
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

wow, that’s a new one.  how do you feel about this?  can you see yourself accepting this little quirk?  if not, you may want to move on…it’s only been 3 weeks.

personally, it would kind of freak me out.  deal breaker.

 

Post # 7
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Personally I would have to move on.  That’s a red flag to me.

Post # 8
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee

Yea, that would be a deal breaker for MYSELF as well and I would politely break it off with him. Especially after 3 weeks, it’s a blessing because at least he didn’t wait until 2 years in to tell you, you know?? Everyone deserves someone to love them unconditionally no matter their fetishes etc etc. I think there are straight men in the world that do this, but it wouldn’t be for ME personally. I think there are women who LIKE their straight men to do this, but it wouldn’t be for me either. Can you see yourself being okay with it down the line?? Because I don’t think he would want a woman to be with him if they were disgusted or hated the fact that he likes to dress like a woman at times. Ya know?? I think it would probably be best to do yourselves both a favor and end the relationship…I would probably be embarassed if anyone found out etc. I’m sorry he dropped this bomb on you but I think it was good of him to do it now. Hope This Helps 🙂

Post # 10
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

I can’t bear a man wears dress, not like a real man. It’s weird that I feel if I still date with him. Listen to your heart if you can accpet a partner like him.

Post # 11
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Wow, really? Nobody said that they would be cool with what he does in private, that it doesn’t hurt anyone, or that it’s his own business? Personally, I think it’s not nearly as bad as checking out other women all the time, for example.

I mean, for me, obviously it would depend on whether or not I thought he was hiding something else, or whether it really was just the clothes, and it would also depend on whether he was a public or private cross dresser…

You’re obviously not cool with it, so you’ve already answered your own question as to whether you should keep dating him. But kudos for his honesty and openness… I think you should at least respect that and let him down gently.

Post # 12
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@rachael631 : this

See ,if he’s nice and you like him… Why not give him a few more weeks? Just to see if it’s he shock you are reacting too or the quirk. If it’s not somehing hat you can deal with then let him down gently. He was honest, he at least deserves that.

 

@carolinaw: wow “not like a real man”? Way to be jugemental.

Post # 13
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

What’s the big deal? If he’s not gay, he’s not gay. It’s a psychologically recognized phenomenon for people of one gender to dress like those of the other gender while remaining straight. If you like his personality and you are both attracted to each other, it seems pretty shallow to let this get in the way.

Post # 15
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My cousin always did this from the time he was young. However at the age of forty he has started a sex change. He was not gay and is not gay now .he still is attracted to women. His wife now has to decide if she can live with it. I would thank him for his honesty and then move on.

Post # 16
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I definitely couldn’t handle it. I get that people have fetishes and get pleasure from out of the ordinary things, but I totally get where you are comming from. If he’s a great guy, remain friends with him, if you feel like it’s too unusual to keep pursuing the relationship romantically.

@bricon:  

Wouldn’t your cousin technically be considered a lesbian since a sex change would make her a woman? Because she obviously aslways felt feminine, and therefore underwent the surgery to change her body as well. So being attracted to women would make her gay.

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