(Closed) Help, I don’t know what to do with this bridal shower now

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

First of all I’m so sorry! Everyone in this story is so self centered (except you of course) Her Maid/Matron of Honor should be the one throwing the shower and she just says “yall have fun” what the heck?!?! I hate confrontation, but I think what you really need to do in this situation is just that. I would straight up ask her if she is still even having the wedding! My wedding is also march 13th and I have my invites out (already getting rsvps) venue, photographer, bm dresses, tuxes, cake everything and I’m STILL stressing! Unless she’s just having a courthouse wedding I don’t see how she’s going to get it all done! And even if she does, if she sends out the invites too late a lot of people wont even be able to come! It really sounds like she’s using you and you are too busy too be planning a shower for someone so lazy and selfish. I know that sounds mean, but that’s what she is!

Post # 4
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

That does totally suck. Can you enlist the help of her mother in this? If so, I suggest having her take over the planning duties. If no one is willing to help you, I would go through with it, but not put any more work or money into it. Tell her that you’re 8 months pregnant, you’re extremely busy, and you’re starting to feel taken advantage of. Or, if you don’t feel comfortable with that, I suggest having your husband talk to her and let her know that his wife is 8 months pregnant, there’s a million things going on, and if this is going to happen everyone needs to know NOW because this is plain old inconsiderate and not to mention unfair.

Post # 6
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I honestly would not have sent out the shower invites, but now that you have, I would not host the shower. I think you should talk to her mom and see if the shower can be held at her house. If not, tell your SIL you will not be able to host the shower and call the guests to explain the situation. I think if you tell them that the wedding has unfortunately been postponed (which seems to be the truth) so the shower will be as well, I think that should be fine. 

Post # 7
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t understand how your sister isn’t freaking out!  haha I still have four months and almost everything done, and am completely overwhelmed with things. 

If it is such a stresser for you, you should tell your sister (who apparently doesn’t stress), I’ve had a bridal shower cancellation, I know it’s kinda tacky, but it seems like you have your hands full. 

Post # 8
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I cancelled my SIL’s shower.  Two things happened as a result:

I felt MUCH better, I was able to relax and concentrate on MY life, and I saved a bunch of money that I really didn’t have to spend anyway.  It was a very selfish thing to do, and yet it was what was BEST for me.

The other result was that my SIL was totally pissed off at me.  But no one else was.  The invited guests (who still hadn’t received invites and were pretty upset at the gift grabbiness) were relieved.  My mom was relieved she didn’t have to politic with all the invited guests and apologize for the gifts they gave.  My brother was pretty pissed off too, for a while.

It took her six months before she finally had the wedding.  Six months!!  And I didn’t mind that I wasn’t in the bridal party and I didn’t have to plan another shower, and I never did apologize for it.  It’s a sore spot to this day, but I didn’t feel like being part of using so many nice people.

I don’t know what is best for you and your family, but cancelling was best for mine.

Post # 9
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Can you make it clear to guests that they should NOT bring presents to the shower just in case the wedding doesn’t happen? 

Post # 10
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Fake labor that day and cancel? Kidding..kind of. Sounds like she’s awful present hungry. I’m hoping/assuming the other guests see through this and won’t come or give her many presents. It’s too bad you’ve already sent the invites..I would have said instead of gifts please make a donation to xyz charity. That way you’re still having a shower to honor her but not giving in to her greediness. Not sure any of my advice is helpful now…sorry and good luck. Oh and congrats on baby #2.

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