Post # 1
So, I’ve been planning my wedding for months now and I realized something pretty early on, I really don’t want a wedding! I DO want to get married but I wanted to just elope without the fancy bells and whistles,my sister and mom did it and they both seem very happy. I like doing all the crafts but I hate spending all the money, we could use it for a down payment on a house instead.
I hate being the center of attention and I hate my picture taken. I have a problem that I’m paranoid my vision won’t come together and the day won’t be nice for the guests. I already have a very stressful job and the added on stress is making my cycle all messed up which it’s been the same day for years, I even might have it in the wedding day itself at the rate it’s going.
I’m getting the “traditional” Bachelorette party with bar hoping and evening, but I’m a very private person and I drink maybe a glass of wine once a month. I’ve tried to express my concerns about the party but I get “Oh, you’ll get over it.” and “It’s not just about you, we need to have fun too.”
I bought a dress, even though it’s pretty, a size too small. Even though I can get it altered,it makes meverything feel like crap. I used to have an eating disorder and I feel pressured to just lose the weight instead and it’s bringing back old habits I worked really hard to get rid of.
Everytime I think about my wedding day I get a knot in my stomach and at times I’ve started to cry. I’ve talked to my Fiance aND parents about it but they just don’t understand. I get responses along the lines of “Once the day is here you’ll be happy and stress free.” “This wedding isn’t just for you, it’s for the family.”
Maybe I’m just being selfish and I will like it in the end, but I don’t know.
Post # 2
Good morning… sounds like you have your mind made up. You shouldn’t do all this stuff that you don’t want to do. Maybe you could just elope (or go to town hall) and your family might want to throw a little party, like a backyard cookout, or dinner at a restaurant so that they can fulfill their “it’s for the family too” point of view. Win-Win… you get to not have things be a big deal, and not spend alot of money and time on something you really aren’t interested in. They get to celebrate your marriage with you and your new hubs. As for teh bachelorette, i don’t understand why you are signed up for something you don’t want to do, maybe try talking to the girls about doing a more “you” activity and then having drinks at someone’s house with a movie or whatever you like to do.
There’s go to be a middle ground, especiallly if your Fiance wants a wedding.:)
PS: Fuck that dress, either get it altered, or return it, or sell it. don’t let a pile of fabric make you feel bad. It doesn’t deserve that, it’s an inanimate object 😉
Post # 3
Bee, I’m on the same boat so I’m commenting to follow to see what others say. You’re not alone in feeling this way.
Post # 4
First of all, I think every bride feels this way some times ! You’re not alone. Well, your options are to cancel and Elope (might cause some serious family drama there) Or pin point specific things you hate and change them.
Tell whoever is planning the bacherolette party you don’t want a traditional one. Ask for one of those painting parties, a dinner at a nice restaurant– give them something specific you want to do instead. It will still be fun for everyone else.
For the dress- buying one too small was mistake. If it can’t be let out in alterations you’ll have to bite the bullet and buy another one of the correct size. It can be a sample, off the rack, or pre owned. It doesn’t even have to be a wedding dress.
For the money, is there anything you can cut? Favors? Trimmings tou don’t need?
For the pictures- I understand not liking your photo being taken (I also don’t like it) but wedding photographers are great at making you feel comfortable and helping you enjoy the process. We just did a pre wedding. / engagement shoot and I was dreading it and so was Fiance because we are the least photogenic people but it was SO MUCH FUN our photographer really got us to let loose and enjoy and the pictures look great!
Post # 5
Just elope bee. I’ve heard (personally) more regret over the money and trying to please everyone in a traditional wedding over a personal and romantic experience of an elopement. It doesn’t mean some family can’t be included (makes it more of a Destination Wedding to me) but it’s on your terms and saves the headache. I did it and zero regrets here.
Post # 6
Plan a day you will look forward to and enjoy. Listen to your heart.
Post # 7
If your Fiance and parents want a wedding, let them plan it! What kind of thing are you planning so far? There are middle ground options between ‘elope’ and ‘massive white wedding’. You could have a short little ceremony in someone’s nice backyard and then go to a restaurant. Or a simple brunch wedding.
Post # 8
I am giving you official permission to stop the presses and have the wedding you want. It’s your money and your wedding! Plan the elopement of your dreams. Those who love you will really just be happy that you’re happy, even if they wish they could have been there to see it. If you really wanted to, you could always have an informal open house or party later to celebrate your recent marriage with those you love.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal
I understand your feelings and think if you don’t want a traditional wedding, you shouldn’t have to. There are plenty of ways to make an elopement special. We also do not own a home yet and I was so uneasy thinking about what a wedding would cost and where that money could be better spent. We decided to elope but we are going on an awesome trip to do it. For me, my top priorities were a nice honeymoon and great wedding photos. So we decided to pay for our own trip and I will still get to wear a wedding dress and have a photographer. We are so happy with our decision and though some of our family members are disappointed, they are understanding. We decided to pay for the trip ourselves and if anyone still wanted to contribute financially, we are putting that towards a down payment on a house. My dad is pleased with this and thinks we are making a financially responsible decision. Though it does make me a little sad that I won’t have my dad walk me down the aisle or have some of the other traditional wedding experiences, the positives of our decision far outweigh the negatives. If this is something you feel strongly about, you need to have a serious discussion with your Fiance. Layout your pros and cons and ask him what he really wants and why. I’m sure you can come to a compromise that makes you both happy. I know it’s a tough choice as I struggled with it for over two years. At the end of the day, just do what is best for the two of you.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front
I have been back and forth about this since getting engaged last Xmas and even AFTER we have planned our whole wedding, bought dress, made down payments etc. It IS alot of money (even keeping it small and not abunch of bells and whistles) but being the center of attention isn’t our thing either, so I feel your PAIN!! lol
As of today, the plan is we’re going thru with wedding as planned (we’ve had a couple of conversations about it…) in May, but if i was to suggest elopement again to FH i know he’d be all FOR it. Its a tough call as is his 2nd but my first marriage and he’s so sweet to want me to experience it all when deep down he would prefer to elope, but i think our families and close friends would be sad and if I’m being honest….so would I so as of today it’s happening as planned but who KNOWS….alot of time to think from now till May!! Uugh
Good luck and follow your ♡♡♡
Post # 11
this is what my husband and i initially discussed and agreed we wanted. Once we got engaged he started to change his mind about having the big wedding and all the people. In the end i did all the planning for the “big”(87guests) wedding he and his parents wanted and we still havent gone on the honeymoon (11months later) I wanted. I dont regret the wedding, it was beauitful and fun and i am so glad all our close friends and family were there with us. However.. If i was to do it again i would stand my ground more concretely. I prefer to travel and have those expieriences. Go with your gut/heart.
Post # 12
Thank you everyone for the responses and support. I had a talk with my Fiance over lunch about it and he has his heart set on a wedding. We’re going to go over the guess list and try to shorten in to save money there. We’ll also go through getting rid of anything that is a little more frivolous that we don’t need. He’s also willing to help out more with stress. Hopefully things will work out. And as for the dress, I’m going to take it into a designer/tailor soon to see if he can let it out, if he can’t I’ll be looking into a different dress.