Post # 1
I feel terrible about having to write this post…but I don’t know what to do. My fiance proposed to me with a ring. Here was the plan, we’d have a moissanite ring made for the wedding (that I chose) and he’d propose with another ring of his choice. The “proposal ring” was supposed to be “functional.” Something I could wear to work (I need to take gloves on and off and wash hands a lot), unique. I was expecting a flat, metal band, or small colored stones. He proposed with a ring that looks like an e-ring. Instead of a center diamond, it has several small ones which look terrible. The halo is lop-sided and the whole front of the ring is off-center. I won’t go into more details, but the important thing is, is that I don’t like it and am embarrassed to wear it. I don’t want people to see a poorly made e-ring during the engagement followed by a shiney, new, perfect moissy…it’s going to look like I upgraded or that the moissy is fake. I started to explain to my love that I couldn’t wear this ring to work and he started crying. He said he worked so hard at picking it out. He said I was ruining this perfect day… So I quit talking and told him how much I like it…
I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Not only am I embarressed to wear it, but I also don’t think I will wear it. Once I have the moissy, I’ll wear that. For work, I’ll have to get a flat band now anyway.
We have 30 days to return this ring. What should I do? Should I just point out that it was poorly made? if I do, I think my fiance will try to get another ring that looks the same , which I don’t want. Should I just grin and bear it? I promised him I would like whatever he gave me. I never ever expected it too look like this and I feel terrible/guilty about feeling bad. On the other hand, I don’t want to waste all this money on something I’ll
Also, now I’m torn because this is the ring he gave to me when he proposed and it has the memory tied to it. Would I feel bad if I gave it back?
I’m so sad. I’ve been crying all night. I don’t know what to do!
Post # 4
Lets see a pic. From the sounds of it, you could wear it on a necklace while you’re working. He sounds very emotionally involved in it since he cried and I think it would be best that you just leave it be.
Post # 5
I don’t want to share a photo. The important thing is is that I don’t like it.
Post # 6
If he was that emotional about it, I’d suck it up and wear it even if it’s not your dream ring. Once the moissy comes you could always switch it to a RHR or something.
Post # 7
What about getting the Moissy now?
Post # 8
Thanks guys, your probably right.
Post # 9
I think wearing it on a necklace is a good idea 🙂
Post # 10
Your poor fiance. Honestly, why are you embarrassed? Because he was, no offense, a man? He obviously put his heart into it, and that’s what should matter. As you said, it’s a temporary ring, and, you know what? Whether people think you upgraded, or not, who cares what they think? What matters is what is between you and your future husband.
I don’t know if you plan on having kids, but, if you do, what if someday your child made this hideous macaroni necklace that they were just SO proud of, and they just wanted to see you wear it?
Post # 12
People are probably going to rip into you so I wanted to let you know that I understand where you are coming from. An engagement ring is something you have to wear every day for the rest of your life. You can’t force yourself to love something but sometimes you do have to suck it up. I think it’s great that you have a Moissy on the way and can wear that. In the mean time you should probably wear the ring even though it’s not what you envisioned.
Edit: I also think the kid comment in the previous post is a snarky low blow that is completely unrelated.
Post # 13
@Chaoslight: i totally agree with you. It’s a blessing to have a man that loves you, and no matter how the ring looks like you should try to get over it. What people say it really does not matter. we would like to see a picture though, may be we could say more about it. I have a small diamond ring, only a solitaire, the diamond is really small but i love it. I know we’re going to upgrade it later and i see nothing wrong in it. My husband works hard, for both. I know he worked for this ring. My ring was bought from a street golden Shop, he proposed in the middle of the street and we just ran and bought the ring from this small shop. We got documents on it and they even accepted to make it smaller for my finger. I did chose a small diamond, not because he didn’t afford, but because i appreciate his work. Girl get over it, this isn’t what really matters in life, and stop looking at what people think about. No offense to the women with large diamonds, i’m happy to see these big rings, there are guys who afford them and you should be proud of your rings.
Post # 14
I think a big part of it depends on how much you both value honesty in your relationship.
If he’d rather be happy then know the truth about a preference if you have of something you hate from him, then keep it a secret.
If he’s expressed that he wants to know how you truly feel, despite how difficult it might be, then you need to tell him the truth.
I don’t really think an item should come between honesty… no matter how hard it might be to hear… but I’m crazy about trust/honesty, and I know a lot of people see these things in various situations quite differently. I’m pretty black and white on it is all.
He’s not a child… telling him you don’t care for the style of something he chose shouldn’t… traumatize him. I think he might be putting too much emotional emphasis on it. Just because you don’t like the style of the ring doesn’t mean you don’t love him any less; it doesn’t mean he by any means failed. He just doesn’t have the same tastes as you.
Plus, it sounds like it will be difficult to work with at your job, which was the whole point of him getting an alternative ring. If you can’t wear it, you can’t wear it. Ugly or not, it sounds like it’s not practical and needs to be returned/exchanged.
Like other people have said, I’d get the one you want, and wear it around your neck when you’re at work. A band will look like you’re married, regardless of the type.
I wouldn’t want to have to have an upgraded e-ring anyway. At least not for a bajillion years or something. I want the one that I’m going to wear now and long beyond the wedding. that’s just imo.
I’d take the ring back, he can save his money, and you can get the one you intend on getting anyway. You won’t be not working when you get the moissy, will you? So I’m not… sure why you don’t just do that now?
Post # 15
I’m curious so can I ask why you chose not to get the moissy for the actual proposal? I understand it needs to be functional for your work but I would have worn it on a necklace at work if it got in the way.
Other then that I voted to wear it until you get the moissy, as hopefully that is not super far away!
Post # 16
I’d wear it. It’s not about the ring, it’s about the sentiment behind it.