Post # 1
Total dramatic post title – apologies.
My wedding is almost a month away (April 15th – Tax Day!!) and I am only feeling dread and anxiety about it and all the loose ends I have to tie up/decisions I need to make. We have been engaged for almost two years as I have a very intense/stressful job that leaves little room for time devoted to planning. I am an introvert by nature and my job requires me to be extremely extroverted, so on my downtime doing any sort of project planning feels like secondary job. I have a wedding planner and we have most of the larger details solidfied for the big day, but there are things that are smaller details, that are important to me (hairstyle, gown accessories, etc.) that I can’t seem to make decisions about. I have never had a clear vision for my wedding and did not dream about it.
I also feel insanely guitly to for complaining as I am incredibly grateful and fortunate to have supportive parents and the ability to plan these items for a special day. I am trying hard to fight the overhwelmed feeling and enjoy the moment, but it all just feels like so much pressure. I find myself overwhelmed by the “beauty shoulds”. I feel like a defective bride because I am not super excited. Has anyone else felt this way?
Post # 2
do you have a great hairdresser you trust or a friend with great style? Get them to help you style your dress.
And it is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed!
Post # 3
Hey, you’re not complaining. You’re stressed out and overwhelmed by an event that is stressful and overwhelming to almost everyone who chooses to do it.
As for the indecision, when I’m genuinely stumped between choices I flip a coin. For that second the coin is hovering in the air I usually get a little jab of gut feeling for which side I’m hoping it will land on. If I don’t, then it’s not going to matter and the choice is made for me randomly and I’m not allowed to fret about it anymore. You can make a game of it and make a March Madness-style bracket of the contenders and outcomes, then see if you like the “winners” or if you would change them out for anything. It will be easier to make adjustments to a complete outfit collage that starting from scratch and assembling it all one by one.
I think it’s good to acknowledge, too, that not every person makes those aesthetic choices (dress, accessories etc) in ways that they’re totally content with forever and ever. There’s often ‘Would you change anything?’ polls and threads on here and there’s usually dozens of “I would have worn a birdcage veil instead of a jeweled fascinator” or “I wouldn’t have spent $$$ on shoes that weren’t in any photos anyway” comments, but at the end of the day you’re going to be married!
Post # 4
Yeah, same thing happened to me. Some of us just don’t love wedding planning. That’s ok.
Post # 5
Do this exercise: what is the first adjective that pops in your mind when hairstyle or accessories are mentioned? Just to mention a few: Glamorous? Romantic? Edgy? Whatever description comes first to mind should then guide your decision. Research then a bit (just a bit so you won’t be overwhelmed) and pick your favorite alternative.
Some different styles according to the adjectives I mentioned:
Post # 6
Hi! You sound like me – except my wedding is April 2 and my wedding planning time was only 6 months (I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy it!).
Now that I’m down to the wire, I HAVE to make decisions. The problem is (a) I’m over it and (b) I genuinely don’t care. I never grew up dreaming of this day and so I didn’t start with a “perfect day.” I try to keep my grumbling to people I know who know me and know that this just isn’t my cup of tea, so it doesn’t taint their view of my excitement to be married.
I am lucky to have a great fiance and awesome future in-laws, but my parents choose not to be involved (they don’t approve that we lived together before getting married). I’m now at the point where I realize the day will come, I made some things a priority (and those are done), but the details will likely not be remembered, so I just make a decision. What keeps me motivated is that at the end I will be married to someone I love more than anything and we will be able to celebrate with people we love.
Good luck! We’re almost there!
Post # 7
I understand what you mean and I feel the same way with the planning process. Not everyone is a planner and loves to plan! I am extroverted but I work a busy job and I hate organization and timelines and just a lot that goes into planninh a wedding. I like to pin items on Pinterest but this wedding planning overwhelms me.
I think it is great you have a planner so that relieves some of the stress. But for those smaller details do you have a friend or someone that can help you go over those details and give imput and suggestions so that helps you bounch ideas off of them? It gets overwhelming when there are so many options and looks!
Post # 8
Thank you all for your responses!!! I responded to each one individually, but my computer froze and I lost it. All these responses meant so much to me and were so helpful. I will respond again 🙂
Post # 9
There’s nothing wrong with how you feel. Planning a wedding is (ideally) a once in a lifetime thing, it’s hardly an important skill (unless you do it for a living) and not being excited about it is completely fine. There’s a lot of pressure to be the ‘perfect’ bride these days, whatever that even means, but it’s just one day in the end. It’ll be over soon, and then you’ll be married! Try to focus on that if you can.
It must be tough having to pretend to be extroverted and then have no time to recharge, I’ve had times like that and it feels like you haven’t slept in days. It’s really hard to function in everyday life like that. Can your partner help out a bit more? It shouldn’t be all up to you.
Post # 10
just popping in to say i did not enjoy wedding planning. i found it stressful and annoying. i’m very happily married 🙂 you’re not defective, we’re just not all super planners