(Closed) Help! I have an angry bridesmaid.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Is it an option for you to spot her the money until she can come up with it? If it isn’t a matter of the price of the dress in general and more that she doesn’t have time to save up… maybe that would work for a month or two…

Post # 4
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Tell her to calm down. Shes not the only one that has to speed up the wedding planning process. In a nice way tell her that she doesnt have to be in the wedding if she doesnt have the time nor the money. Its really okay if she decides to get out. And tell her its okay.

But tell her this too. That if she decides to stay, even after u talked to her, and told her she doesnt have to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, u dont need to hear one complaint about planning a wedding fast!! Tell her u need support and really do not need the drama.

Oh and if u just dont want to deal with all this, instead of giving her a choice of staying or not, make your own decision if u want her to stay.

Thats all that I would do. Congrats and I hope for the best for u. Remember, u need people around u that will support u, not someone who complains. Surround yourself with people that doesnt complain.

Post # 5
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Lending her the money is a nice idea, if you can afford to do it and if she’s an honest person who will pay you back. Is she like this about a lot of things, or was this outburst unusual for her? Because if this is how she usually is, I’d hesitate to keep her as a bridesmaid. She might cause unnecessary stress later. If this is unusual behavior for her, perhaps try having a calm talk with her to figure out exactly how you can include her in the bridal party.

Post # 6
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

She *yelled* at you? This is your friend? Your bridesmaid? wow. I can see feeling put upon with the hurried time frame and the money right off, but still, yelling? If this is what she’s like at the first hint of a difficulty, maybe rethink if you really want this person close to you during a stressful/joyous time.

If you do, I’d agree, offer to spot her the money. Be understanding rather than confrontational which will just accelerate things and set the tone I think, into an antagonistic framework. And yes, definitely offer her an out.

Post # 7
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

you can offer to spot her for the dress, however, how much is the dress?? it might just actually be that she’s upset at the cost of the dress rather than being unable to afford it right away.  I feel like there might be more to it. She might just not think the dress is worth the price or even dislikes the dress etc. Sorry to tell you but girls can be dramatic and she might just be showing her ugly side right now..

Post # 8
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

She *yelled* at you? This is your friend? Your bridesmaid? wow. I can see feeling put upon with the hurried time frame and the money right off, but still, yelling? If this is what she’s like at the first hint of a difficulty, maybe rethink if you really want this person close to you during a stressful/joyous time.

If you do, I’d agree, offer to spot her the money. Be understanding rather than confrontational which will just accelerate things and set the tone I think, into an antagonistic framework. And yes, definitely offer her an out.

Post # 11
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If she’s a friend of you since you were 12, then I would say she ‘yalled’ at you as you’re so closed friends. If you know of her, I think you should know mayber she’s a just a friend easy to be angry, instead of meaning anything by ‘yalling’ at you. So just sit down and have a talk with her. It wont be a good idea to start a bad relationship with her. Eveything will goes well, just relax!

Post # 12
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sweetpea87: I totally understand wanting to include a friend you’ve had for so long. I’m not engaged yet, but I know that two of my five potential bridesmaids will probably also cause me some stress. One of them is my sister, and one has been my friend since seventh grade. I really want to include them, but I also don’t want to deal with the headaches I know they’ll cause! It’s a tough decision. I think in your case, if the dresses have to be ordered in two weeks and she really doesn’t have the cash, and you simply don’t have it to lend to her, then it’s simply not possible for her to be a bridesmaid. But here’s an idea: I was a bridesmaid for a friend who wanted to include several of her friends in her bridal party but couldn’t. So she found other things for those friends to do. One sang a special song at the reception, and one read a romantic poem during the ceremony. Perhaps you could ask your friend to do something like that? That way she still feels like she has a special role, without the stress of finding and paying for a gown in such a short time period. Just a thought! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

But you set the date so it IS your fault (at least more than it is her fault) that she has short notice to cough up the cash. I think you should pay for the dress and she can pay you back. If you can’t afford, you have to realise that this is what happens when you plan a short notice wedding. You can’t afford and neither can she (and her having a good job is irrelevant, she may have TONS of outgoings).

Post # 14
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I didn’t realise it was custom for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, my two adult bridesmaids have offered to but it certainly wasn’t expected. i’m paying for the other 4. 

Post # 15
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

You asked her to do you the honor of being your bridesmaid, which in your case means purchasing a dress on short notice.  If she can’t, she should step down.  If she can, then buy the dress and shut up.

This is such unnecessary drama.  If you can’t afford it, don’t offer to spot her on the dress.  You have a short engagement, she needs to deal with it.  You certainly have plenty YOU will need to deal with as well.

Sorry, but my opinion is she needs to put up or shut up.  Would that everyone could just get dresses for free on short notice, but life doesn’t work that way.  And if she weren’t being so selfish, she wouldn’t blame you for it.

Post # 16
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with @MightySapphire.  Tell her to have a seat! —>   _

If you can afford it and you really want her to participate, then spot her the cash.  Otherwise…move on…you will have too much other foolishness to deal with outside of this!

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