(Closed) Help, I have been a maid of honour multiple times..

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

NowraJanBride:  personally, it wouldn’t matter to me. If I was in one of my best friend’s weddings I would just be excited to help her with whatever she needed! I don’t know your friends but I’m willing to bet they’re just asking to know who is heading up plans for the bachelorette, shower, etc. 

Post # 3
985 posts
Busy bee

Just don’t have one if you think it’ll hurt people’s feelings.

Post # 4
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

NowraJanBride:  I just chose my sister. All my friends understood. But really my Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t do anything more than the other bridesmaids except stand next to me and hold my bouquet.

Post # 5
11657 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

NowraJanBride:  If you were getting married first and you had never been a MOH who would you ask?  That’s the person who should be Maid/Matron of Honor.  The only thing my Maid/Matron of Honor did that was special was sign the register

Post # 6
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015


MsGinkgo:  good point!

Post # 7
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

NowraJanBride:  I would ask whoever you truly want to – someone who is going to be positive, support you, help plan your shower and bachelorette. Don’t ask whoever you think is going to cause the most drama if you don’t ask them. 

Post # 8
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

If you’ve been friends with all these other women for a while, you know their strengths and weaknessess. Choosing a Maid/Matron of Honor shouldn’t just be about who’s your closest friend. It should be who will be there for you on the day or before the day. If you’re a diy bride who likes doing decorations and favours on your own then it may not be a big deal who you choose as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Stuff everyone else did with theirs I either did on my own(theraputic), with my fiance (we discussed most details) or my mother.I didn’t have the bachelorette party or shower esp cause my Bridesmaid or Best Man were in different countries, but I didn’t need to.

Ultimately make the choice for you and not for the sake of friendship. Weddings bring out the true colours of people. Green can be one of them. Be prepared to ruffle a few feathers and maybe even lose a friend or so. I was warned about that by other friends when they got married and I laughed it off.


My Horror Story of a Maid/Matron of Honor: A year before I started planning my wedding I had one close female friend at the time, so from then Iasked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor..FFWD to a year later and I grew a bit and got some amazing girlfriends who were now my Bridesmaid or Best Man…..I still kept my first Maid/Matron of Honor and coming closer to the time of the wedding she still wasn’t showing any interest in being a part of the planning process. It became awkward and frustrating for me because I knew one of my other girlfriends would have been so much better.

Long story short and big argument later, I asked her to nolonger be my Maid/Matron of Honor because it seemed she was too busy to be able to meet at least one obligation, i.e. just meet up with me and talk wedding,(she had other thigns going on and couldn’t just drop everything for me)….and I’ve been one friend less since.

My Maid/Matron of Honor was awesome. We skyped and discussed issues, offered me advice….our opinions differ on a lot of things, but we found middle ground a lot. One the wedding day she did my hair, my bridesmaids’ hair, their make-up, was with me when I needed her on my day and we had a hell of a time on the dance floor. She was my support while planning even though we were in 2 different countries.

Post # 9
1030 posts
Bumble bee

My best friend didn’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding, because she didn’t want to hurt anybodys feelings. Everybody was encouraged to participate equally. Maybe that’s a route you can take. 

Post # 10
1190 posts
Bumble bee

Smile knowing you’re a fab friend to so many people. Advice, think about who you’d choose if you were the first person to get married and choose them. But, if you’re worried about choosing (or don’t want to) then don’t have one. Share the duties out between people based on their talents sot hey all have a way of contributing. Real friends shouldn’t be offended and should understand.

Post # 11
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

NowraJanBride:  You don’t have to have a Maid/Matron of Honor. IT can help sometimes so there is a “team leader” so to speak. But, in the event you choose not to have one, it’s totally fine.

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