Post # 1
I have been bugging FI to get his travel vaccinations for months. He doesn’t think it is necessary but agreed to do it and kept saying he was going to do it.
Last weekend, he said he was going to do it on Saturday for sure. I had the venue meeting that day and I let him skip it so he could hang out with his friends (new city, not many friends so he needed this). He told me he would take care of the vaccine before meeting up with his friends.
When I asked him if he did it or not, he said yes. I had this feeling that he was just saying yes… So I asked him how it went and how the clinic was. He played along and said the clinic was grungy and stuff….
He was supposed to get a prescription at the same time, but he only got it today…..
So I asked him why he didnt get it at the same time as the vaccine… He said he had forgotten to call in advance to have that one filled. Okay, fair enough. I told him I didn’t see a seperate charge for the vaccine and asked him if he paid using the visa or something…? He hasnt responded yet….
My gut was telling me something was up. So I called the pharmacy and asked them if the vaccine was ever picked up (I am the one who got the prescription faxed to the pharmacy in the first place, to make it easy for him after he lost the original prescription.)
Well, the pharmacy told me it hasn’t been picked up yet…. So he lied to me about it and has been lying about it!
Telling me he will do some cleaning and not do it is one thing… But this is a major lie to me….
I don’t know what to think…. How to even bring it up. Why would he lie? Is it really that difficult to get a travel vaccine?
He didn’t want to do it, but I am very paranoid/precautious about preventing what can be prevented so he agreed to it. He should have just said ”I ain’t doing it” instead of lying to my face…. I was so happy and proud when he told me he took care of it after all this time and now I am just angry and confused.
Sorry for rambling but what should I do…? Is this a huge red flag…?
Post # 3
@O.My.Heart: He probably just got tired of you nagging him and told you he did it to make the nagging stop. As it turns out, he unfortunately made it worse for himself because now he is also caught in a lie and thereby making you angry, but garaunteed he lied in the first place to get the nagging to stop.
Post # 4
Months ago, after we had a spat (not going to go into details), I asked him to get tested for STDs and he said he did that too (after months of not wanting to do it)… NOW I WONDER
Post # 5
Being lied to sucks. No matter how trivial (or not) the issue is.
it would only be a big red flag to me if he did this about everything because then I would wonder what else he lies about.
but if this is a one time thing, I would be upset but not a deal breaker.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
@sillysillybee: +1…I would have been nagging, too, though. Is this something you both need to do? Go with him?
Post # 7
So… are the vaccines required for this travel or are you just wanting them for extra precaution and have you talked to him about it at all since calling the pharmacy?
Post # 8
Is this a huge red flag…?
Short answer: No. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.
Post # 9
I think him making up a story and pretending he did it and going into details about the clinic is a red flag of some sort, though I can’t say what. It seems very immature and he’s lying about silly things that wouldn’t require much effort to just go do.
I’d be very concerned about *why* he’s not doing this. I’d have a heart to heart stat.
Post # 10
Is it a huge red flag? For me, no. You were nagging him and he just told you what you wanted to hear. He didn’t lie to you about anything that serious. Yeah, he’s being irresponsible and should have done it and should have never lied to you about it but I wouldn’t say this is something I would freak out about. I would sit down and talk to him and let him know that lying isn’t an option. I would ask why he felt the need to lie and tell him it isn’t okay.
Post # 11
@Mrs_Amanda: It’s for Hep A (or B… not sure). We are going to Mexico for our honeymoon and I wanted to be safe. Not sure if they are required or not… Are vaccines ever a requirement to travel somewhere…?
Post # 12
@sillysillybee: +1. The vaccines are important to you, they are not to him. So to him lying about this probably does feel like just a white lie, not a big deal. Does he have a fear of needles or something? Maybe the doctor in general? Of course it’s not good the lengths he’s gone to hide his lie, but the lengths you have gone to confirm whether he did it also sound like there are some trust issues here. I can’t personally imagine that my FI lying about something like this would lead me to question the marriage.
Re: the STD tests, I would say unless you saw the results, you are probably right. Not saying his actions are correct, but maybe he is either too afraid to go through with it or convinced he’s clean and doesn’t find it necessary.
Post # 13
I agree with the PP. You might just be extra stressed right now too, since you are so close to the wedding. I would just calmly let him know that you didn’t go, but it’s not a big deal & that he just makes sure to take care of it before you guys go on your honeymoon because it would really suck not being able to go!
Let him know that its important to you & that it would be one thing you could cross off your list which would be super helpful! 🙂 Sometimes guys don’t know that things bother us unless we vocalize it. He may just not know that it’s bothering you this much too.
Post # 14
I would definitely have a talk with him, if you can, when you are able to not be upset. Lying is really serious- usually worse than whatever they were doing in the first place and it is NOT OKAY.
ETA: I completely disagree that this is no big deal and that “you were nagging him so that is why he lied” like other posters are implying- NO. No amount of lying in a relatonship is okay, imho. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t deserve another chance- but he needs to know the lying is not okay. This is so important! And it is not your fault he lied to you!
Post # 15
Him lying about it is certainly wrong, but you’ll have to actually talk to him to find out the reason he felt he needed to lie.
I don’t think it’s a red flag, but you need to discuss it.
Post # 16
@whoa_its_ash: I took care of mine months ago… Around the same time I asked him to take care of his…