(Closed) HELP. I just found out he lied to me and we are getting married next month :(

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2170 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@O.My.Heart:  He probably just got tired of you nagging him and told you he did it to make the nagging stop. As it turns out, he unfortunately made it worse for himself because now he is also caught in a lie and thereby making you angry, but garaunteed he lied in the first place to get the nagging to stop.

 

Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Being lied to sucks. No matter how trivial (or not) the issue is.

it would only be a big red flag to me if he did this about everything because then I would wonder what else he lies about.

but if this is a one time thing, I would be upset but not a deal breaker.

Post # 6
Member
2972 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

@sillysillybee:  +1…I would have been nagging, too, though. Is this something you both need to do? Go with him?

Post # 7
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

So… are the vaccines required for this travel or are you just wanting them for extra precaution and have you talked to him about it at all since calling the pharmacy? 

Post # 8
Member
8995 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Is this a huge red flag…?



Short answer: No. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.

Post # 9
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think him making up a story and pretending he did it and going into details about the clinic is a red flag of some sort, though I can’t say what.  It seems very immature and he’s lying about silly things that wouldn’t require much effort to just go do.

I’d be very concerned about *why* he’s not doing this.  I’d have a heart to heart stat.

Post # 10
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Is it a huge red flag? For me, no. You were nagging him and he just told you what you wanted to hear. He didn’t lie to you about anything that serious. Yeah, he’s being irresponsible and should have done it and should have never lied to you about it but I wouldn’t say this is something I would freak out about. I would sit down and talk to him and let him know that lying isn’t an option. I would ask why he felt the need to lie and tell him it isn’t okay.

 

Post # 12
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sillysillybee:  +1.  The vaccines are important to you, they are not to him.  So to him lying about this probably does feel like just a white lie, not a big deal.  Does he have a fear of needles or something? Maybe the doctor in general?  Of course it’s not good the lengths he’s gone to hide his lie, but the lengths you have gone to confirm whether he did it also sound like there are some trust issues here.  I can’t personally imagine that my FI lying about something like this would lead me to question the marriage. 

Re: the STD tests, I would say unless you saw the results, you are probably right.  Not saying his actions are correct, but maybe he is either too afraid to go through with it or convinced he’s clean and doesn’t find it necessary.

Post # 13
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

I agree with the PP. You might just be extra stressed right now too, since you are so close to the wedding. I would just calmly let him know that you didn’t go, but it’s not a big deal & that he just makes sure to take care of it before you guys go on your honeymoon because it would really suck not being able to go!

Let him know that its important to you & that it would be one thing you could cross off your list which would be super helpful! 🙂 Sometimes guys don’t know that things bother us unless we vocalize it. He may just not know that it’s bothering you this much too.

Post # 14
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would definitely have a talk with him, if you can, when you are able to not be upset.  Lying is really serious- usually worse than whatever they were doing in the first place and it is NOT OKAY. 

ETA:  I completely disagree that this is no big deal and that “you were nagging him so that is why he lied” like other posters are implying- NO.  No amount of lying in a relatonship is okay, imho.  That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t deserve another chance- but he needs to know the lying is not okay.  This is so important!  And it is not your fault he lied to you!

Post # 15
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Him lying about it is certainly wrong, but you’ll have to actually talk to him to find out the reason he felt he needed to lie.

I don’t think it’s a red flag, but you need to discuss it.

The topic ‘HELP. I just found out he lied to me and we are getting married next month :(’ is closed to new replies.

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