(Closed) Help! I keep getting asked this question and am baffled with how to respond….

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would think it’s an odd question too, and would feel like maybe people were trying to find ‘drama’ to gossip about. On the other hand, they might just be trying to make conversation….I do think that your mother, given that she is not a huge fan of your groom, is probably prying, hoping you’ll tell her someone else said ‘what, really? Him?’ or something evil like that. So that then she can say ‘see I’m not the only one’.

Post # 4
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Do people seem surprised you guys are engaged? After four years it should be expected! Does seem like a somewhat rude question. Maybe it’s just their way of making small talk? What other responses have you gotten, for example from your mom, when you inform her that you’ve told someone about your engagement?

I guess “What she say?” might provide for furthering the conversation, whereas something like “Oh that’s nice.” ends it then and there. …maybe?

Post # 5
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That is really rude! You say congratulations even if you don’t like one or both of the people. That’s what you do.

Post # 6
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have gotten that question too but I think with a different tone!

Them: “Awe Congrats! That’s exciting – what did you parents say?”

Me: “they are thrilled – everyone is so excited!”

Could you have misinterpreted their tone?

Post # 7
3331 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe your mom just wants to hear everyone else’s responses/opinions?  Or maybe your family is actually excited/happy for you and wants to hear what everyone else had to say, too?  I know my Mother-In-Law was all excited when we started getting RSVPs from her friends and she kept asking what they said in response.  I was like “uh…they want the chicken?” 😉

Post # 8
1102 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe it’s the person asking you this that’s making you wonder (i.e. your mother who doesn’t like your fi), but I don’t think it’s odd at all. My FH and I asked each other this all the time when we first got engaged, like when he rang his mother to tell her, I asked him what she said. And the day I went to work to flash my ring around he wanted to know what everyone’s reaction had been. I think you can get a lot more interesting responses than “congratulations”, like we got a lot of “about time” comments bc we’d been together 6 years by then. My FH’s boss called us silly buggers. I think it’s just a fun thing to talk about, so I wouldn’t take it too personally if I were you 🙂

Post # 9
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I ask Mrs. Bee all the time what people said when she told them some news… she looks at me totally confused, just as you described.

I guess I just like to hear people’s reaction to big news!  I like it to make people happy, so if they’re happy to hear the news… that brings joy to my heart!

Post # 10
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

That is pretty strange… I definitely can’t relate, but maybe Mr.Bee is right– they’re just curious as to how people reacted? When I first saw my aunt after I got engaged she literally ran across the church screaming my name and almost knocked me over trying to see my ring… I’ve told so many people about how crazy she looked!

Maybe they were just looking for an over the top reaction?


Post # 11
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I don’t think that’s too weird a question either! I am often interested about how other people respond to things.

However, it sounds like there is some unease with your, as you said, “choice of groom” in your family, particularly coming from your mom. It sounds like she is trying to gauge the reactions of other people in order to see how they fit with her own. And other people who may know of some of your mom’s opinions may be curious about how she responded.

But I don’t think you need to be worrying. People are just being curious, and your positive answers will just reinforce to them that everything is peachy-keen. In fact, telling your mother how everyone else has reacted so positively may be swaying her opinion to the better.

Post # 12
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

does it sound like they’re happy or not? I mean that can definitely go two ways. like… omg what’d they say?! (wanting to hear people’s excited reaction) or oh… what’d they say? (wanting to hear people’s negative reaction).

Post # 13
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I personally would only ask that if I were trying to dig up some drama or gossip – I think that’s a weird question unless they’re just SUPER excited for you two and have to know every detail and share every joyful moment.

You might also be a little sensitive since like you said your mom doesn’t approve of your Groom.

Post # 14
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hmm, I get “What did they say?” a lot too, but I always take it as people wanting to know reactions because they assume it was an excited one. I know that I like “play by plays” so maybe that’s your friends / family’s motivation.

Post # 15
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

That is so weird… I’d be all over telling people some ridiculous answer just to see their reaction.

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