(Closed) HELP-I may have to kick my Maid of honor out the wedding

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think anything she’s done is kick out worthy.  But I also don’t believe in kicking people out unless it’s extreme situations.

She’s got a lot going on, but you want her to focus on you.  Are you sure you’re still being a good friend and talking about stuff in her life?  Because honestly, if someone kept calling and emailing me just to talk about their wedding, I’d start dragging my feet too.

Post # 4
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Peoples lives are different when they move away from one another. It’s hard to keep in touch. I really wouldn’t kick her out of your wedding, I don’t see the motivation. She’s been your friend for many years, do you really want to destroy that? I think your expecations of what a bridesmaid does may be alittle high. I just want to share my wedding experience with my friends, I don’t expect them to drop their lives to tend to my wedding – it’s unrealistic.

Post # 5
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Kick her out. See what her reaction is. 

Post # 6
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

How do I tell my curtain maid of honor I don’t feel she should be in the wedding anymore, without hurting our friendship?

You don’t.  Kicking someone out of your bridal party is a friendship ending move.  And honestly, it doesn’t sound like she’s done anything worth being kicked out over.  You don’t ask someone to be your Maid/Matron of Honor because of what they can do for you and your wedding.  You ask because they are your nearest and dearest.  It really sounds like you want her out because she doesn’t ask about your wedding enough.  She doesn’t have to help with any of the planning.  And if it does make you feel better, my Maid/Matron of Honor hasn’t sent in her RSVP yet.

Maybe she is really busy and it’s not that she doesn’t care it’s that she’s got stuff going on in her life.  Do you ever ask her what’s going on with her?  Do you ever call her to talk about non-wedding stuff.  I honestly never understand why brides expect BMs to just randomally call to see how the wedding planning is going.  Also, you said you texted her, left her messages, sent emails this week and haven’t heard anything back.  Were they all about the wedding?  That’s really a lot of communication.  You should give her a chance to respond.

Anyway, I don’t think you should kick her out. If you feel like you are drifting apart then you should focus on maintaining your friendship and leave the wedding out of it.

Post # 7
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Why don’t you have your new friend as a bridesmaid and they could both be in your wedding?

Post # 8
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 1993

@wwbga:  Agreed. Sometimes the bridesmaid who is most helpful will surprise you. I asked a cousin to be a bridesmaid, thinking that my Maid/Matron of Honor would take center stage, but really, my cousin has done more than I ever expected. Don’t kick her out, don’t demote her. Just ask new friend to be involved, and tell Maid/Matron of Honor that you could use your help. So what? She’s busy. Be specific with what you need from her.

Post # 11
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@actime:  well now you know why she wasn’t into the wedding planning and stuff.  please keep in mind that when you are planning a wedding, everyone else is still living their lives. 

the most helpful person for me was my younger sister who wasn’t even in the wedding.  i gave her a few responsibilities and she was honoured to do them.  she even took 4 days off of work to help with the wedding stuff (i didn’t even ask her to do this).

Post # 12
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013
Post # 13
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Do what you feel is right my maid of honour did not help at all my friend from my previous work helped a lot I wish she would have been my Maid/Matron of Honor.  Its your day do what you feel is right my Maid/Matron of Honor was a headache day of and you can’t change it after the fact.  Red flags went up for me and I ignored them don’t ignore your instincts.

Post # 15
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@actime:  How do I tell my curtain maid of honor I don’t feel she should be in the wedding anymore, without hurting our friendship? 

You don’t.  You ask someone to be in your wedding because you value their friendship and want them to stand up beside you as you get married.  It’s neither an audition nor a test.  Your bridal party members do not have to “prove” themselves to you in order to be deemed worthy enough to participate in the wedding.  They’re doing you a favor, not the other way around. The only thing required of bridal party members are to get their dresses and be there to stand up next to you at your wedding.  Anything else is gravy.  

I really don’t understand demoting bridal party members or kicking them out, absent major drama.  It just seems extremely juvenile. 

Post # 16
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@actime:  get rid of her! if shes not even interested in your big day she has no place being your Maid/Matron of Honor. my SIL had the same problem and she regrets not kicking her out. they were high school best friends too and now when she looks at her beautiful wedding album there her EX best friend is in all the pics and she hates it caz they dont even talk anymore. listen to your gut and dont feel bad about it this is your day!

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