Post # 1
I’m getting married to an italian next winter! Contrary to italian tradition, we downsized our wedding party to the bare minimum (only Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man – no bridesmaids or ushers). So my Maid/Matron of Honor will be planning my shower with a little help from my mother. My parents, our family and Maid/Matron of Honor live out of town (about 1h – 1h30) from myself and all of my fiancé’s family. So my mother advised me to save the date… on a saturday night from 5 to 9.
I expressed my concern about it being in the evening as logistically it will be difficult for a lot of my fiancé’s family to be there (it’s a long drive for the older crowd, especially if they leave more around 10ish). My Maid/Matron of Honor has never planned a shower before and she’s really excited about it, but i don’t want to insult her by dictating what time it should be at. Let’s be clear though.. I have no desire to control the theme, centrepieces, favors, games, etc. That is not the issue. I just feel as though my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor are making it convenient for my family and themselves, but not really considering my new family’s feeling and my desire to have these people there too (i thought thats why i needed to provide a guestlist). I know they wouldn’t go for the idea of having two bridal showers. Their attitude is “whoever comes, comes” but they aren’t really making easy for them to show up..
Am i being an unresonnable bridezilla? I don’t want to upset my Maid/Matron of Honor so what is the best way to approch it since my mom won’t help guide her in that direction?
Do I really have NO say at all?
Many thanks 🙂
Post # 2
In this case, for the sake of including your FI’s family and friends, yes you have to say no.
You’re not being a bridezilla at all and your mom and Maid/Matron of Honor should understand that you are trying to allow your other part of the family to be included. Ask them to put themselves in your FI’s shoes… would they be happy if the bridal shower they were obligated to attend was an hour or more away and on a Saturday night? Probably not… they’d be the ones telling you to change it.
So tell them that for this portion of the planning only, you want it on this date, at this time for the sake of your FI’s family and friends being included. It’s only fair.
Post # 3
I’m not sure why that time would be less likely to accomodate everyone. Do you have a lot of family with young kids? That would be the only thing I could see as a potential challenge (depending on if they’re invited or not).
Yes, that would be late if someone doesn’t leave until 10pm, but if you start at 5pm, I think the older crowd would just leave around 8pm or 9pm. At the showers I’ve been to, people leave whenever they’d like to, after the gifts have been opened and the food has been eaten.
Post # 4
jennifer20100: Looking out for the comfort and safety of your guests/future in-laws absolutely does not make you a bridezilla! I think your Maid/Matron of Honor and mom are being a little selfish in disregarding them despite you expressing your concerns. I’d probably more firmly, but gently tell them it needs to be earlier in the day.
Also, 4 hours is a long bridal shower. All the showers I’ve been to hit their natural end at about 3 hours even when an end time is not specified. Would 5-8pm be too late for your future in laws?
Post # 5
jennifer20100: I would say you’re not being a bridezilla. Make sure that they know how much you appreciate what they’re planning but you tink it would be better at 1pm (or soemthign like that), it would mean a lot to you if your Future In-Laws could make it and so on…