Post # 1
I am getting married Oct 2012 and I recently had my bachelorette party this past weekend early since I will be leaving town for work up until 2 weeks before the wedding. I have 4 girls in my WP- the MOH(sister), BM-Sister, BM-Cousin(BFF), BM-friend(BFF). We went out of town for my bach party and my MOH had asked that each one of them help by chipping in $100 each which was way less than my MOH had paid for everything. They had recently wanted to go to Vegas for the Bach party but it was too expensive for my youngest sister that 2 kids so we stayed closer to home by traveling 2hrs away and staying the whole weekend which was way less expensive so everyone agreed. The whole time my BM-cousin was talking bad about me and my groom to my other BM-friend. I finally said something at the beginning of the party for us to please leave the drama out of the weekend so we could all enjoy our trip. Those 2 BM were also complaining about the money they had to spend and everything that we did that weekend. My sister had asked 4 months in advance if everyone could afford the $100 before even booking anything. By the end of the weekend the BM-cousin had verbally attacked me by calling me a bitch, ungrateful for everything, and being stuck up since I didn’t want to dance/grind any guys at the bar, then she also physically attacked my by trying to punch me, ripped my shirt, and scratched me all up in the fight. The other BM-friend took her side on everything and her family posting all types of negative stuff about me on facebook. The BM-cousin has said that she does not want to be in the wedding anymore and the other BM-friend is undecided. Should I still invite them to my wedding if things are unresolved and both there families where on the guest list should I still invite them one being my own family(aunt and uncle) and other being the friends family which I was really close to until now. Would it be bad if I just replaced them. I am completely hurt with everything that has happened but I feel like I can not forget the things that were said and done to me this past weekend. What should I do?
Post # 3
If one BM doesn’t want to be in the wedding I would ask her to step down and ask the other one to give you an answer by a certain deadline, maybe give her a week or so. The one that attacked you should definetly be asked to step down. If you want to replace them then go ahead, you’re probably better off without them and it will be less stress and headache for you going forwards to not have to deal with them. I wouldn’t uninvite their families tho, they did nothing wrong. If the undecided BM wants to stay in the wedding party I would make it clear that you are going to talk out your differences first and you will not tolerate such behaviour going forwards, etc etc. Be kind and be calm but explain that you chose them because you love them and want them to be there for you on your wedding day and that it hurts you to see them behave the way they did. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, I had a hard time with my MOH and am currently pretty pissed at one of my BMs. I also had a shitty bachelorette party (99% sure someone drugged me, I ended up passing out at 7pm, missed my own party, one BM ended up in the hospital, the others went to the club and got separated from each other so one called hysterically freaking out because she got kicked out and wanted to go home but couldn’t, the limo never showed up again, one BM made rude comments about “not getting dressed up for this” and “people who can’t handle their booze ruined her night” and then told me a month after the fact that she’s been telling everyone the “whole story and then her side of the story” — umm, excuse me, it was MY party and if anyone has a right to be mad, it should be me!)..
Good luck and keep us posted!
Post # 4
Eeek what a mess! I feel like there is something missing though. I can’t imagine why she’d call you an ungrateful bitch for simply not dancing with other guys. However, even if you were acting like an ungrateful bitch, that is no excuse for her to attack you. That’s just CRAZY.
Regardless of what happened and why, I would absolutely NOT replace them as BMs. I don’t think your cousin should be in the WP for attacking you and I’m unsure about your other BM (kicking someone out of the WP is a friendship ending move), but replacing them will only lead to more drama. It will make the former BMs feel replaceable and like props and the replacements will feel second rate and offended that they weren’t good enough to be asked in the first place.
Also, I would still invite them to the wedding because your cousin is, well, family and, without knowing more details, I don’t know if this would be worth losing a good friend over.