(Closed) help, i need honest opinions on how to address this…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would tell them everything you just told us, with a whole lot of love and kindness in your tone of voice.  A. I don’t know them. B. FI hasn’t seen them in a decade.  C. We’re on a tight budget and to add them will cost us $1000, which will likely mean we will not get to have other details of our wedding that we were considering.  If they are not contributing to the wedding in anyway, they don’t get a say in the guest list, IMHO.  Tell them flat out $1000 to invite a few more friends is a lot of money, if they’re willing to pay for their friends, youre willing to consider it – but ultimately it’s your wedding, not theirs.

Post # 4
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

His father actually said if his friend wasn’t invited, that HE wouldn’t come? I don’t get people lke that.  You said you love your FI’s parents, but it sounds like they aren’t very loving and respectful of your relationship if they are willing to not attend your wedding over something as trivial as that.  I would let your FI handle this.  He needs to straighten out his dad’s attitude now before it becomes a problem for your marriage in the future.  He sounds like a bully to me.

Post # 5
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

He’s just wanting to talk to that one friend right? Invite him, as graciously as possible, but politely inform FI’s dad that there will be no more such last-minute additions. If he wants to invite 3 more couples, you would be facing a significant increase in the guest list. The implications of that shouldn’t be lost on them.

Post # 6
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

Expounding on VagabondGurl’s comment, I would do two things:

1) Establish a rule: No one (between you, FI and either of your parents) gets to add to the guest list unless they are going to cover the cost.  Also, if they are going to pay for extra guests, there is a deadline to do so.  That way it doesn’t single your FFIL out, it offers a solution, and it doesn’t his acknowledge his completely juvenile threat of not attending your wedding.

2) Probably ask FI to be the communicator on this, since it’s his father who is acting nutty.  Voice your suggested solution to him, and he can discuss it with his father.  Sometimes I believe the fewer people involved in delicate conversations, the better they go.

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

FFIL said something similar to FH about one of the couples that we didn’t invite. “Well, they’ll give you a good gift!” to which FH (bless his heart) said “That doesn’t matter to me. I haven’t seen them since I was in middle school.”

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