(Closed) Help! I need to set RSVP expectations with my FMIL

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Why dont you call them?
It is your wedding, you are the one inviting them.

Ask your fmil for their numbers, give them a shout.  

Post # 4
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would take the initiative and contact them myself or have Fiance call. I know it is frustrating that you changed plans to accomadate her guests, but in the end of it, it is your wedding and are responsible for planning it.

Post # 5
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I kind of agree with your Future Mother-In-Law on this one. If your wedding is still 6 months away, most people won’t have a clue what their plans will be quite yet or if they’ll be able to make it. As a guest, I wouldn’t want to say yes so far out and have to end up declining closer to the date and vice versa. If you must have responses now, then I agree with PP, try contacting them yourself. I understand it would be much less stressful closer to the date, but it’s hard to nail down plans that far in advance for a lot of people.

Post # 6
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

You sent out invitations and expect the RSVP’s in now when your wedding is at the end of June?  It’s reasonable to expect people to RSVP, but it is unreasonable to expect people to have RSVP’d by now.  I agree with others, it’s your wedding, you and your fiance need to track down the RSVP’s, you two make the phone calls.

Post # 9
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I still don’t really understand. Your wedding is in June. You really can’t expect your guests to know 5 months in advance if they will be available. I would think a reasonable RSVP deadline would be about 1 month to 6 weeks before your wedding. 

If you really need the RSVPs that badly you need to do as PPs suggested. Call your guests.

Post # 10
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@rosegirl2325: We didn’t send our invitations out until October for our December wedding with an RSVP date of the first week in November and everything worked out fine. Almost every etiquette book and wedding mag I read suggested sending out invitations 6-8 weeks before the day. There’s nothing wrong with contacting people to get a feel for if they’ll be coming or not, but to demand that people lock down their RSVP 5 months in advance may come off as rude. 

Post # 12
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I agree with PP that asking for RSVPs this far out is really unusal, especially if it isn’t a Destination Wedding. The best you can do is call people and explain that you need a headcount for your venue. However, be prepared that some people may say yes now and end up not coming since a lot can happen in 5 months.

Other bees, please correct me if I’m wrong but I think its pretty standard for invites to go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding and the RSVP date to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 2-4 weeks.

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Dandelion D: You are not wrong, it’s pretty much unheard of to ask for an RSVP months in advance. My wedding was mid-September and we sent out our invites at the beginning of August with an RSVP date in the last week of August.

Post # 15
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m a June bride as well, and we aren’t asking for our RSVP’s back until the end of April. I agree with Vegas Pug… it’s a little too soon for people to know 100% that they can come. That said, I wouldn’t be panicking just yet if I were you. You still have plenty of time. I know you said you’re just trying to get a rough estimate on who is coming, but that’s not the point of RSVP’s. The RSVP’s should be for those who know for sure whether they are coming. How else will you know what number to tell your caterer? If you’re too worried about it, start making phone calls.

Post # 16
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@rosegirl2325: Put yourself in your guests’ shoes. If you got an invite for a wedding that was 6 months off and then received a phone call from the bride demanding an RSVP or at least to tell her WHEN you’d decide if you would be able to come or not, wouldn’t you be a bit put off by the bride? A lot of things can happen between now and June. If anything, your guests are trying to be polite and not RSVP when they’re not positive about their own plans that far in advance. It would be rude of you (and kind of a WTF moment for your guests) to call this early IMO. It’s not a Destination Wedding, you still have plenty of time. 

We’re planning a Destination Wedding and sent out the invitations exactly 2 months before the wedding date. Our “RSVP by” date is a month before the wedding date. We actually got crap from family for wanting to send them out a month earlier.. it was “waaay too early!” We plan on calling people who haven’t RSVP’d yet the weekend before the “RSVP by” date. 

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