- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
This is going to be long. But I am sick over it. SICK! (about my brother)
My brother started dating a girl 12 years ago…. we won’t say all the bad crap she did to him… but it got bad at times. But somehow they loved each other through the mess…. Wedding was planned (this was 2002). I was maid of honor. We went to our little maid of honor outing…. shopped. I spoiled her rotten…. On the way home she decided to start telling me a little story….. soon I realized my car was a confessional. Full on details, names (involving another guy)…. I was…confused?? Of why she was telling me this….
Fast forward 3 days (2 days before the wedding), I grew the courage to tell my brother. Combined with the plan to feed him first because I knew that was the last time he was going to eat for weeks. I told him. $h!t hit the fan…. and the repair of their relationship began. I never regretted telling him, OBVIOUSLY. He is my brother. He respected and thanked me so much for telling him… many times.
3 years later she cheated again. Full on relationship with a dude though. She ended up telling him and they almost got divorced. They seperated for 6 months, started divorce proceedings…the whole 9. She was young, she made dumb mistakes…he was hurt but didn’t want to break up the family (they have kids)… he was so hurt though… but he loves her and after hell on earth of repairs, they worked it out. Mind you, they don’t get along like nuns (by any means), but hey…thats their business…… they have gone to counsiling… so the nightmare was over.
Until 3 days ago…. (now 6 years later)…. I got a phone call. It was my best friend crying and confessing to me that my brothers wife had confessed to her. Of a boyfriend she has now…and she has been seeing him for months. And gave my best friend details, very graphic ones, of all kinds of crap. My sis in law has taken a job away from how and has to travel VERY often…. so this is how she pulls it off. She has a track record of confessing crap and going into extreme details so that it alleviats her guilt so she doesn’t to tell my bro. Apparently, on top of that….there has been some company functions where this man and my bro have been around each other….. I feel horrible. And sick. I called my mom and she begged me not to tell and came up with some cockamamie reasoning that he already is somewhat aware of the situation because sis in laws job caught ole fella leaving her room and they have strict policies. So they made her tell brother. #1…. huh, mom? #2….telling him something is going on does NOT mean she told him of the situation. She could have told him it was just a kiss…or they were all hanging out and he left last (which I don’t agree with, but whatever) #3 Am I to think for one darn second that if my brother knew of this he would let this charade go on because of my wedding?? Also, that was the reasoning my mom told me not to tell, besides the fact that my brother already knows and he would be highly, highly embarassed, if the “cat was let out of the bag”, because she ruined their wedding, and he doesn’t want her runing mine. He is walking me down the aisle, so he is standing in for a father….. And in case anyone is wondering, my mother knows about the work trouble because she knows someone who works with sis in law. All while my mom said this junk the other day I said, don’t care what you think he knows, don’t care that my wedding will be a mess (she is Maid/Matron of Honor and my niece and nephew are in the wedding, as well as my bro walking me down the aisle as well as being the best man). I full 100% planned to tell him if she didn’t. FULLY. Well, she begged to give her a day. I said fine. She called me just now and said that he said… “MOM, I don’t wanna know. I would die if that woman ruined another wedding. You think I’m dumb?? Please don’t say anymore… I don’t care who had a dream or if you think she has a boyfriend….no more mom.” She told him I had had a dream (my moms weird way of saying it without saying it) She said he had tears in his eyes and said he would die if he knew anymore AT THIS POINT (being before the wedding, that is). She begged me…begged me HARD not to tell and said I’m grown but she is forbidding it. And she never ever ever tells me what to do…or begs.
Here is the issue. It’s my brother. IT’S MY BROTHER!!! How do I not pick up the phone and make sure he knows?!?!? How do I walk down the aisle with him on my arm without breaking down?? How?? How do I not tell him???? I’ve never heard my mom be so adamant….. but I don’t think I can do it….. I would die where I stand if I found out later he didn’t know and I kept it a secret. Not only that, but if he does know already, will he go emotionally into shock if he knows I know right before my wedding?? According to my moms rendition of todays convo, he will. Why in the hell does everyone think I can’t handle anything emotionally because the wedding is in a few weeks…. ??
Back sotry…. my mom is a professional exaggerator…. she has a really bad memory and tends to fill in the gaps. I love her, but how do I trust that she made sure he knows?? I can literallly picture my brother saying…”you belived MAMA?!?!?!?!” She is an amazing mom, though… so I know she wouldn’t wanna hurt him. Her and my stepdad are 100% against it, though. I’m in a worse pickle than I was the first time I had to break stuff to him This stress is 100 times worse than telling him, hands down.