(Closed) HELP!! I never ask for personal advice, but this is a doozie….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

You need to tell him.

ETA: What he chooses to do with the information is his own choice, but he has a right to know. Anyone who thinks you should avoid telling him just because of the timing with your wedding is making the mistake of assuming you are a totally self absorbed person – which it sounds pretty well exactly the opposite from what you wrote above.

Talk to him A.S.A.P.

Think of it this way: Which is more important, your wedding or his marriage?

Post # 4
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Anything involving my sisters I tell them. Period. There is no question in my mind. They come first and they deserve for me to be 100% honest with them. As I expect for them to 100% honest with me.

Post # 5
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

If she already told him why can’t you also speak to him about it? Regardless, it seems you are close and I would think he would want to talk to you about it.

Post # 6
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You know what you need to do.  You have to tell him! You should also let him know that this will be the last time that you’ll let him know that she’s cheating.  If he gets back with her again and again and she keeps cheating then its his problem.  Tell him now, but warn him that this will be the last time and if he gets back together with her, you wash your hands of it.  You don’t want a situation where this keeps happening and you keep having to feel conflicted. 

Post # 7
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You absolutely have to tell him.. The last thing you want to be thinking about on your wedding day, while walking down the aisle, trying to have fun at your reception, is how you’re keeping a secret from a very important person in your life.. You can’t be an enabler to this woman.. I understand your moms stance on not wanting to rock the boat, but that is straight up enabling.. Your brother already has a very unloyal woman in his life.. He doesn’t need 2 more.. If you begin to tell him and he stops you, that’s his business.. By not saying anything, you could end up looking like the bad guy! Call him ASAP!

Post # 9
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Tell him.

You’ve told him something like this before and I think you should do it again. If I were in this situation, I would tell my brother no question

Post # 10
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m not sure you’re telling him anything he doesn’t already know.  If he’s already said he doesn’t want another ruined wedding, then perhaps you are respecting his request by not pointing out the obvious.  I could be completely wrong, but I think he is choosing to live in denial and wants to walk you down the aisle and enjoy your day, without airing the dirty laundry.  I think you might be doing him a favor by giving him a moment that this selfish, selfish woman isn’t able to ruin.  Talk to him after the wedding. 

Post # 11
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would tell him, and then allow him to do what he feels is best with the information. Honestly, after all this time, and this happening to him multiple times, I dont’ know if you can expect too much to change…but if you tell him at least you are giving him all he needs to hopefully make the right choice.

Post # 12
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would definitely tell him.

Post # 13
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@teamajax13: I agree with emijleigh!

Post # 16
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@teamajax13:  If mom isn’t trustworthy on this… and if he doesn’t know… then heck, yeah, tell him.  I’ve been in the situation where someone close to me chose to live with being cheated on, and they most definitely didn’t want to talk about it.  But, if your gut says tell him, you have to go with that.  Much love to you for not thinking about yourself right now… (I’d tell my sister in a heartbeat if she were being cheated on)

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