Post # 1
My boyfriend of 4+ years and I met in college. For the first 4 years, money was the big thing keeping us from getting engaged. He knows that I want him to propose, trust me, I’ve made it crystal clear! There have been numerous perfect proposal moments that have come and gone (particularly while we were on our European backpacking trip. Can you say romantic?). But the timing hasn’t been right until now. He has been with his firm for just about a year now and has been building his savings. We tell each other everything and have no secrets. Which is why, last night, when he was on his smart phone while we were watching our favorite drama television show, I didn’t think I was being outrageous by asking him what he was doing! When he responded “nothing” I got curious. I kept asking until he showed me that he was using his maps application. I then pushed it further by asking him where he was going… He replied with “nowhere”. I should have left it at that but curiosity got the best of me and before long he snapped and said he was planning a trip but I ruined the surprise and we weren’t going anymore. Lots of awkward silence and a couple hours later, he told me that he had been planning an elaborate proposal for New Year’s Eve but I had ruined it and now it’s not going to happen. He said I “took the wind out of his sails” and not only that, but now things are very awkward between us and not at all as good as they had been. nye is my favorite holiday and now I don’t even want to do anything that night because I know what it could have been. 🙁
Post # 3
Oh man, I’m so sorry. Maybe it’ll still happen and he’s just angry and/or trying to throw you off the trail?
Post # 4
Oh goodness, I’m sure you’re so heartbroken. I’m so very, very sorry.
Post # 5
Uh… my opinion might be pretty unpopular here, but I think that was kind of a dick move on his part. I mean, how hard would be have been to say something like “I’m trying to find this chinese place my co-worker told me about the other day” or “I was thinking we should take a road trip this summer” to throw you off the trail. Or, how about plan this “elaborate surprise” when he is ALONE and not right in front of you?
If I were you, I’d be pretty pissed that he’s blaming you for “ruining” the proposal and guilt tripping you like that.
Post # 8
So he’s going to punish you because you were curious? That doesn’t sound right.
Post # 9
kind of agree… if he wanted it to be secretive it wasn’t very smart to plan in front of you!
Post # 11
Guess I’m more popular than I thought… 🙂
Post # 12
@MissNoodles: x 10000. Bad way to handle an easily avoidable situation. He could at least have said ‘shooosh it’s a surprise’ And making you feel bad for asking is very uncool.
Post # 14
@MissNoodles: <= what she said.
Sorry, from the info you’ve given, he sounds like a jerk, and honestly, if he was really planning an elaborate trip he wouldn’t have let you “ruin it” by asking questions. He would have given you a fake story or just not told you.
To me it sounds like you guys had a fight, and he is punishing you by telling you that he is no longer making proposal plans.
Post # 15
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I was seriously starting to think DH had a wife in another state or something in the time leading up to his proposal.
The worst was when we were at Easter (he proposed in August) when he was texting someone the whole time and when I casually asked who it was, he got super defensive and accused me of “spying” on him and not trusting him and made me feel like a horrible person. He apologized later for it by saying he was just having a bad day, but in reality he had been texting my SIL about my ring preferences at the time… But when I called him on it, he panicked and since I backed him into acornerdemandingan answer he did the first thing that came to mind: be mean so I’ll drop the subject. Not fabulous, but then again, I was pushing about a point he was trying to hide and he was running out of scapegoats fast.
Tell him you’re sorry for being nosey and ruining his romantic idea, and hopefully he’ll apologize for being a jerk about it. You were both in the wrong, but it’ll be easier for you to be the bigger person because he’s probably feeling really bummed not only about the ruined surprise, but also how he handled it. Give the man an olive branch!
Post # 16
I agree his reaction was over the top and frankly immature. I hope he’s a better communicator the rest of the time. He sounds mean and manipulative…