(Closed) Help, I ruined my "surprise proposal" and my favorite holiday!

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9990 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh man, I’m so sorry.  Maybe it’ll still happen and he’s just angry and/or trying to throw you off the trail?

Post # 4
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee

Oh goodness, I’m sure you’re so heartbroken. I’m so very, very sorry. 

Post # 5
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Uh… my opinion might be pretty unpopular here, but I think that was kind of a dick move on his part.  I mean, how hard would be have been to say something like “I’m trying to find this chinese place my co-worker told me about the other day” or “I was thinking we should take a road trip this summer” to throw you off the trail.  Or, how about plan this “elaborate surprise” when he is ALONE and not right in front of you?

If I were you, I’d be pretty pissed that he’s blaming you for “ruining” the proposal and guilt tripping you like that.

Post # 8
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@MissNoodles:  +1

So he’s going to punish you because you were curious? That doesn’t sound right.

Post # 9
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MissNoodles:  +1

 

kind of agree… if he wanted it to be secretive it wasn’t very smart to plan in front of you!

Post # 11
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Guess I’m more popular than I thought…  🙂

Post # 12
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MissNoodles:  x 10000. Bad way to handle an easily avoidable situation. He could at least have said ‘shooosh it’s a surprise’ And making you feel bad for asking is very uncool.

Post # 14
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MissNoodles:  <= what she said.

 

Sorry, from the info you’ve given, he sounds like a jerk, and honestly, if he was really planning an elaborate trip he wouldn’t have let you “ruin it” by asking questions. He would have given you a fake story or just not told you.

To me it sounds like you guys had a fight, and he is punishing you by telling you that he is  no longer making proposal plans.

Post # 15
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I was seriously starting to think DH had a wife in another state or something in the time leading up to his proposal.  

The worst was when we were at Easter (he proposed in August) when he was texting someone the whole time and when I casually asked who it was, he got super defensive and accused me of “spying” on him and not trusting him and made me feel like a horrible person.  He apologized later for it by saying he was just having a bad day, but in reality he had been texting my SIL about my ring preferences at the time… But when I called him on it, he panicked and since I backed him into acornerdemandingan answer he did the first thing that came to mind: be mean so I’ll drop the subject.  Not fabulous, but then again, I was pushing about a point he was trying to hide and he was running out of scapegoats fast. 

Tell him you’re sorry for being nosey and ruining his romantic idea, and hopefully he’ll apologize for being a jerk about it.  You were both in the wrong, but  it’ll be easier for you to be the bigger person because he’s probably feeling really bummed not only about the ruined surprise, but also how he handled it.  Give the man an olive branch! 

Post # 16
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I agree his reaction was over the top and frankly immature. I hope he’s a better communicator the rest of the time. He sounds mean and manipulative…

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