(Closed) Help! I think I messed up

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

I’m sorry you’re in that situation!!  I probably would have felt and done the exact same thing you did.  Nothing against diamonds under a carat, but when you are told you’re getting a .97 and then you get a .5-.6, I can totally understand feeling a little bummed out.  Like most guys, he probably did not understand the concept of moissanite right away (my bf didn’t!) but it sounds like he’s coming around to the idea.  I’m sorry he was making little comments about you not appreciating his ring.  His pride is probably hurt but, at the same time, he got the diamond for free AND he already had 2K saved up so it really shouldn’t be a big deal to upgrade.  Do you like 3-stone rings?  I wonder if you could have the 1.5 moissy center and then a .5 on each side so you can keep the diamond he gave you?  I don’t really have any other advice but… don’t let him make you feel bad!  It’s your ring and you should love it.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@octoberbaby:  Forever Brilliant is not exactly the same, and the ones I’ve seen haven’t been as white as the Amora. They’re still pretty, don’t get me wrong! But if you’re looking for something to use as a diamond substitute (you’re going to try and pass it off) versus a gemstone in its own right (you plan on shouting from the rooftops that it’s a moissy) I’d get the Amora.

As far as the size, I’d have been disappointed, too. It sucks that that happened, and I really don’t have any good advice except to keep explaining that moissy isn’t fake, it’s an actual gemstone just like a white sapphire or a peridot or something. I also like the three-stone ring compromise.

Post # 6
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@octoberbaby:  I plan to get an Asha and then wait for the Amora Gem in 2014 or 2015… would that be an option for you?  Or you could order a loose FB and see if you like it.  I’ve heard mixed reviews, some say its whiter, some say its not as white.  Good luck and let us know what you decide!

Post # 8
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@octoberbaby:  “Well the ring I proposed with didn’t last long.”

Well the ring he gave you was half the size it was claimed to be! I get that he feels hurt, but at the same time, he should understand your disappointment. 

Get the moissanite. You deserve a ring you love.

Post # 9
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@octoberbaby:  Good point, I guess it depends on the color of your diamond but yeah, they may not be an exact match.  Well December is right around the corner! Have you decided if you want a Round Brilliant or an OEC??  I LOOOOVE the OEC!!  They are a tad warmer than the RBs but the pics I’ve seen have been so pretty!!

This is the thread that won me over.  *swoon*

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/custom-gabbie-halo-w-3ct-oec-amora-moissanite

 

Here is a thread with a FB ring, it looks really white:

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/our-forever-brilliant-moissanite-engagement-ring

Post # 10
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

Seems like you were only disappointed when you compared it to your friend’s.

There’s a good lesson there somewhere.

Anyway, size is only one part of diamond comparisons (and not as major a part as diamond newbies tend to believe). It could be that the quality of yours is much higher than hers. Personally I will choose quality over quantity any day. I also try my best not to compare what I have to what my friends have. Someone will always have nicer things.

By the way please try to come to more of a place of mutual happiness with whatever decision you go with, with your Fiance. He sounds hurt and bewildered, and remember, this ring represents both of you. Talk it out until you’re both genuinely smiling about the decision you mutually come to.

Post # 12
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@joya_aspera:  I read it as more like the comparison made her realize she was lied to about the stone’s size, which embarrased her and now she’s got some icky feelings about the ring. Rather than trying to keep up with the Jones’.

Post # 13
Member
49 posts
Newbee

I felt pretty embarassed? Why? First, you loved that ring till you compared it to your friends ring and then it turned out you got the smallest? Seems to me the size is important, not the thought and the person who got you that rock!

Post # 14
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yikes!  I’m sure you didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, but I can completely understand why your comments did.

I think what I would do is stress that

1. You aren’t ready for an upgrade yet.  You were just browsing wedding stuff and found it and got excited.  If I were you, I’d probably wait at least a year after you are married before upgrading.  I think it’d be nice to have the actual ring/stone he proposed with when you get married.  Plus, to do it any sooner would most likely be insulting to your Fiance (and even his aunt).

2. That Moissy isn’t a fake diamond.  I’m sure in time he’ll come around.  When I first heard about them I thought the exact same thing but the more I read the more I learned and the more I understood that they are something different.  Maybe you can explain why you’d like a Moissy: they’re beautiful, conflict free, budget friendly so you can have the extra money to spend elsewhere, etc.  Try and make it clear that even if he could afford a diamond you’d want, you would still prefer a Moissy.  Even if this last part isn’t 100% true, it will prevent him from feeling inadequat in that he couldn’t afford the ring you want.

3. You eventually want something that is your own and not something that belonged to someone else first.  I don’t know how true that is, but he might understand that angle better.  You can tell him that while you do love your current ring, you want something new that represents the love only between you two; not between you two and also between your aunt and her H/ex-H.

I might also lay off the ring talk until you are actually ready to upgrade or if he brings it up.  And if you do upgrade, make sure it’s for the right reasons.  Do it becuase you and your Fiance want to not because you always envisioned a certain size or because your friend has a bigger ring or because you want other people to be all amazed.

As far as what to do with the diamond when you do upgrade – what about putting it in a pendant?  I agree that it might look awkard in a 3-stone ring but a pendant would allow you to be able to wear it all the time as well.  You could even include your birth stones to make it more personal.

Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@octoberbaby:  I am in no way saying you are wrong, but, size charts are not in any way exact.  It really depends on the cut of the stone.  Some stones may be the same carat weight but appear smaller in size (and I mean dramatically smaller, I have seen it) due to the cut.  Some stones are cut with a large table and a very shallow depth and seem bigger and others can be larger but because the table is smaller and there is more depth it can look tiny.  If you are not sure of the carat weight I would take it to a professional jeweler to evalulate before jumping to conclusions. 

Post # 16
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

To me it sounds like maybe the aunt made the mistake on the size and the Fiance was just repeating what he thought to be true.  Anyway, maybe this will be unpopular, but I think you sound ungrateful and just want to compare your ring with others’ and receive compliments.  I hardly ever receive random compliments on my “small” ring (.75 carat, I picked it and I love it) but I don’t give a rat’s ass.

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