(Closed) Help, I think I said the wrong thing

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it’s sort of difficult that you want to design it yet you are getting mad at him for not being involved in the process enough.  If your dream is to have him choose something, why did you start designing it yourself?  You are sending mixed messages between what you are doing and what you want.

Post # 4
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t know that I can help, but I’m in a similar situation. But, I do have specific ideas about what I wanted for my ring. I’ve shown my boyfriend pictures and got his input, but I’m the one shopping for the ring and searching for the diamond.

I do sometimes get upset but then I remind myself of a few things:

1.) he really wants me to have the ring “I” want and not the ring he thinks I want. I have no doubt if he had done this on his own, I would have loved whatever he got, but I get to find/design exactly what I dreamed of instead.

2.) I am a crazy researcher, especially when it comes to things that cost lots of money or things I really want (this falls in both categories). He knows nothing about diamonds, and he has looked at some with me, and even after the jewelers educate him some, he can’t see a lot of the stuff I can. He would probably have bought the first diamond they showed him figuring they know what they are talking about and he doesn’t. Sure he could learn, but it’s not something he is interested in and that doesn’t mean he loves me any less. I could learn about football, engines, darts, etc…but those are his interests. I can enjoy them with him, but don’t need to know all about them in order to do that. 

3.) I don’t know how your schedules are, but for us, he works 2 jobs in order to help me while I go to school full time. I got laid off and he is going to be supporting us while I go to grad school. He works hard and the little time he has off he wants to relax and enjoy with me. He has done some ring shopping, but now it’s in my hands. I’m a full time student so I have the time and energy. He would have to give up a lot of quality time with me in order to look for a ring for me, so we would both be loosing out then.

All that said, I had two conditions when it became clear I was going to do all the ring shopping. First, I want him to propose. I still call him my boyfriend because he hasn’t officially asked me to marry him. When he does, then we will be engaged. I assume he’s going to wait for the ring to be ready to do this. And second, when the ring is ready I don’t want to see it until he proposes. After everything is set I’m going to tell the jeweler to contact him to pick it up so I won’t even know when it’s ready. 

Your guy is who he is and you love him for that. Get him as involved as he wants to be, but it sounds like he’s more comfortable letting you find exactly what you want. Be happy you get to do this and won’t end up one of those girls who is worried to tell her guy he got her the wrong ring and she hates it. 

Sorry for the long post, but I’m seriously in the EXACT same spot as you so I understand completely. I would love for my guy to be excited about the ring, but he’s much more excited about the prospect of marrying me and spending our lives together. Isn’t that whats really important?

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