Post # 1
I have been getting the cold shoulder from my boss since my fiance and I got engaged. She had known we were serious and even joked about rings with me beforehand. The day I went to tell her I was engaged she claimed to be busy all day and although its been a month and a half now, she’s never congratulated me! She has also been cold (joking with other employees but leaving me out) and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t thnk she is jealous but she is older than me and not married, so who knows what to think!
Did anyone else get the cold shoulder from a coworker or friend when you got engaged? How did you handle it?!
Post # 3
I’vegot some experience with bad bosses. I hate to say it, but my female boss was worse than my male boss. Mostly because she acted like she was in high school, excluding people and talking behind their backs. Sounds like your might be similar.
What makes you think she isn’t jealous? The first thing I thought was I bet she’s older and single. Sometimes career women have a hard time meeting men. (Work long hours, the independence thing is a put off, etc.) Perhaps she’s questioning some of her life choices. If she isn’t jealous, she might be feeling like it is difficult to relate to you, now. You’ll be entering a chapter she just doesn’t know.
Or perhaps she’s concerned that you’ll be having children soon, and quit your job. I think it was a sociology class from college, that I heard, the most reliable male worker is a married one. (Won’t just quit his job because he has a family to support.) But the most reliable female worker is a single one. (The married ones might leave to have families.) Sure a lot want/have to stay. But many leave for the kiddos, too.
Post # 4
She may be a ‘different type’ of jealous. The best thing you can do at this point is to not let it bother you =) I have a few people at work that have acted different toward me, but after they realized that I wasn’t engaged just to flaunt it out or anything, they warmed back up…so just hang in there =)
Post # 5
I don’t know what kind of relationship you had with this boss before. Is it possible that she was always be it cold but you are only now realizing it because you have worked for her longer? Like Tanya, my first thought was also, she must be older and single so it could just be that she is a bit jealous or does not know how to realte to you.
Post # 6
I’m not sure what type of work you do or why you’re concerned about your boss joking around and leaving you out, but I wouldn’t expect more than a one sentence congrats from my boss. Even if we have an interest in our personal lives, we’re at work to do our jobs, not chat about our personal lives. As a step beyond what Tanya mentioned, are you distracted at work now because you want to talk about your engagement, or look at wedding stuff during work?
It’s a tough balance because you spend so much time with your coworkers and may consider them friends, but you shouldn’t expect your boss to dote on you like a mother or friend. Just keep it professional at work in case she really is jealous or spiteful, that way you won’t jeapordize time off you might need her to approve.
And from this end … congrats!
Post # 7
My office is pretty close knit but we do not spend much time talking about our personal lives. I have made it a point NOT to talk about the wedding/honeymoon but it has come up a few times. I guess I should have said “acknowledged” instead of “congratulated”… she just pretends like nothing has changed, and it is odd. My fiance works at the same place, so she has seen him and not said anything either. I feel as if there is a huge elephant in the room whenever she is around.
I do know that a few years ago she hired a young woman who got married and left to have kids so I hope she does not expect that out of me. Maybe I should make sure to make it a point that I am dedicated to my job (as if all the traveling and overtime I put in doesn’t show that!) and I want to stay around for a long time.
Post # 8
I had the same cold shoulder from my boss. She just looked at my hand really quickly and said “oh that’s nice” and walked away. She didn’t ask ANYTHING about the wedding the entire 14 months we were engaged and since the wedding (almost a year ago) has never said anything about it. I just ignore her and go about my day
Post # 9
if it’s any help, my wedding is next week and my boss has been joking for about 2 weeks now that i really should reconsider getting married at all.. let’s just say the joke is wearing thin.
maybe your boss is more worried about what your getting married / planning a wedding / moving on to another stage in life will do to your commitment to your job, etc?