(Closed) Help, I think we ruined their date!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t feel guilty.  Your Fi is super loved and respected to be asked TWICE for a one day event!  My advice:  Give them a great gift and wish them well on their wedding day!


Btw, I wouldn’t suggest moving their date to them. 

Post # 4
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My matron of honor was asked to be matron of honor in another wedding the same day as ours… Even after she specifically told her other friend that she was available any day next summer except our date… There’s not much anyone can do, it’s a frustrating situation, but the world doesn’t revolve around any one couple’s wedding… In our case, I am very type A and have had everything booked since last June for an August 2011 wedding and the other bride did not set their date until December. 

I agree with beekiss2 and take the money you would have spent traveling to their wedding, tux rental, etc. and get them an awesome gift they can use for years after the wedding. 

Post # 5
1801 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We actually moved our wedding date for that reason.  DH’s college roommate and really close friend was engaged 3 weeks before us (although they weren’t dating as long) and Darling Husband was asked to be a groomsman.  When we got engaged we started talking about July 10 and Darling Husband asked his friend to be the best man.  Well, after we mention July 10 they decided they wanted July 17.  We either had to rush our honeymoon, delay the honeymoon, hope they changed their date or change ours.  We just changed ours to June 26.  She ended up calling off their wedding the week before ours. 

Post # 6
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Oh how terrible! At least you know that he is so well loved that 2 of his close friends requested he be in their wedding. Whatever they decide to do just be as supportive as you can.

I agree with PP’s in sending a really amazing gift and a nice card.

Post # 7
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wouldn’t feel too bad because if they really care about your husband being there as soon as they picked a date they would have said, “We are thinking of having our wedding [date]. Does that work for you? Will you be available? Please mark it in your calendar.” Then they would have booked all of the vendors then sent Save-The-Date Cards. So it was really their bad, not yours.

Post # 8
15 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Miss Yoga Pants: You didn’t ruin their day at all! I know when Fiance and I were planning to set our date, we checked with all the people we could NOT bear to not have come to make sure that date worked for them too. Obviously this was primarily our parents, but, the way I see it is… if this other couple really really really NEEDED your Fiance to be the best man, they would have asked him if the date would work for him ahead of time. Obviously, they would love for him to be in their wedding, but I think they would also understand him remaining true to his prior committments. you know? good luck and no stressing! not your fault at all! 🙂

Post # 9
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Can’t do anything about it!  They’ll have to decide whether to change their date or not.  I wouldn’t suggest it to them.

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