(Closed) Help! I was thoughtless and upset my boyfriend.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee

In the nicest possible way, I don’t see how this matters in the grand scheme of things at all. Just move on with your lives. 

Post # 3
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

rheartr :  

I don’t think he is being fair…if he didn’t tell anyone, I could see his side more; however, if he was excited enough to tell his friends, it is unreasonable to think you wouldn’t feel the same…also, in 7 years, he has had plenty of time to speak to your dad…he should look at it from the standpoint that you are so excited you couldn’t keep your mouth shut 🙂 

Post # 4
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

You were excited!!! It sounds like you and your momma are best friends, as are me and mine. She was the FIRST person I told when I had the “proposal” suspicion. Its very understandable to confide in family, and your mother no less. Its your mom who should have been a little more delicate perhaps? Is she close with your FI? (I know my fiance and mother text often lol) If so, maybe she could say something (privately!) Like ” my daughter has shown some distress over the fact that she thinks I told her father about a potential proposal and I just want you to know she’s my best friend and confided in me and I would never say anything she told me not to” or something like that? 

It sounds like he’s trying to move on so maybe instead of bringing it up again yourself, drop hints here and there about how you tell your mom everything (in other aspects). I think he will continue to connect that she is simply a huge support system for you and a main confident! 

Post # 5
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If this is the kind of thing that can derail your engagement and make everyone upset, you probably want to reevaluate whether or not you are ready for marriage. With all due respect, this seems extremely silly.

Post # 6
Member
7432 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

The best way to smooth this over is to never break a secret again. After spreading the news caused problems before, you agreed to keep the purchase of the ring a secret between the two of you, but you didn’t keep up your part of the bargain. Don’t let it happen again because it may look like a pattern of violating his trust. It’s very difficult to have a relationship,with someone when there’s no feeling of privacy or trust. I think you should follow his cue that he’s tired of talking about it for now, but the next time you two have something private goimg on, keep it to yourself.

Post # 8
Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Oh dear! How did you not learn the first time though? In future regarding secrets, you need to tell nobody. That’s why they’re called secrets. Not your mum, not your friends, not your coworkers. If you can’t even keep a secret then how do you expect others to? Your mum shouldn’t have told but neither should you. However, it’s minor. It’s a really small thing. Once you’re actually engaged it will all be forgotten about. Your boyfriend will get over it. Learn from it and move on. Enjoy your engagement. 

Post # 9
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

The whole situation seems overblown.

You shared because you were excited and perhaps your mom did the same.  Don’t think anything has truly been ruined because of it. 

Post # 10
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee

rheartr :  This is your life and future as much as it’s his. You have a right to talk to your parents. This is absolutely ridiculous. Surely after 7 years your father figured that this day might come, if asking him was even something you two opted to include in your engagment. You speaking to your parents about your life takes nothing away from your boyfriend’s ability to speak to them as well.

In addition, it doesn’t sound like you made any sort of promise of absolute secrecy. It sounds like you decided to keep it pretty private and each told a few people.

Post # 11
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Not really impressed with BF’s double standard. If he wants to keep something a secret, he shouldn’t be telling a bunch of people either.

Besides that, he’s had plenty of time to ask your dad. If it were really so important to him, he could have asked *before buying the ring*.

Post # 12
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

rheartr :  Couple things. He needs to chill! You were excited!! Just like he was and told some people! He should think it’s cute you’re so excited and not be mad at you for it. Another thing, I think couples generally tell each other important things. And I mean, c’mon, it’s your dad she’s supposed to keep this great news from? It’s not like it’s a coworker or friend, it’s your dad. Don’t tell your mom things you don’t want your dad to know.

Post # 14
Member
1533 posts
Bumble bee

rheartr :  You broke the trust of your soon to be Fiance.  I get that you were excited, but you had agreed with him to keep it quiet.  You didn’t.  I actually feel really bad for him that his future life partner can’t keep up her end of the secret.

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