Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 7 years, and have been seriously talking about engagement for about a year and a half now. Last summer we were close to engagement, so close that we had started telling some people it would be happening soon. He told some of his family and friends, and I told some of mine. I, carelessly, told me dad without really thinking about my boyfriends feelings. I told him immediately that I told my dad and it really upset him. It is really important to him that he ask my dad for permission, and he felt that me telling my dad we were considering getting engaged took that away from him. It kind of soured the whole thing, and we got wrapped up in life and the engagement was put on hold for a while.
FFW to now, and my boyfriend bought the ring about two weeks ago. It has yet to arrive. We decided not to tell anyone, but he did tell a close friend and some colleagues and I told my best friend that he had bought the ring. Besides that mum has been the word. I am very close to my mom though, and I made the error of telling her he bought the ring. That was the extent of our conversation, just told her that he had bought the ring, and I asked her not tell anyone ESPECIALLY MY DAD.
This past weekend we were with my family, and apparently my mother made it PAINFULLY obvious that she knew, beacuse my boyfriend told me afterwards that she was clearly trying to set up a situation for him to ask my dad. And apparently he is quite sure that she told my dad as well, because he was acting squirrelly too. I hate to be dishonest, and tbh I can’t really lie to him, so I told him the truth. It really upset him that I did this and I feel AWFUL. I don’t know if my dad knows, but it seems like he does. I trusted my mom not tell him and now I look like an arse over the whole thing. I feel like my trust has been betrayed, my boyfriend is irritated with the situation, and I feel terrible about it. I don’t know what to do or how to make this better. My boyfriend isn’t holding it over my head or anything, and he’s trying to get over it, but I can tell this really bothered him on a deep level. I’m really worried that this will post our engagement even further and I don’t know what to do. I have apologized so much that I think it is actually started to bother him as he keeps telling me to stop talking about it, but he keeps bringing it up. He told a couple of his friends that I “told my dad again”, and that kind of sucks. I understand he needs to vent but I just don’t know how to make this up to him 🙁
Post # 2
In the nicest possible way, I don’t see how this matters in the grand scheme of things at all. Just move on with your lives.
Post # 3
I don’t think he is being fair…if he didn’t tell anyone, I could see his side more; however, if he was excited enough to tell his friends, it is unreasonable to think you wouldn’t feel the same…also, in 7 years, he has had plenty of time to speak to your dad…he should look at it from the standpoint that you are so excited you couldn’t keep your mouth shut 🙂
Post # 4
You were excited!!! It sounds like you and your momma are best friends, as are me and mine. She was the FIRST person I told when I had the “proposal” suspicion. Its very understandable to confide in family, and your mother no less. Its your mom who should have been a little more delicate perhaps? Is she close with your FI? (I know my fiance and mother text often lol) If so, maybe she could say something (privately!) Like ” my daughter has shown some distress over the fact that she thinks I told her father about a potential proposal and I just want you to know she’s my best friend and confided in me and I would never say anything she told me not to” or something like that?
It sounds like he’s trying to move on so maybe instead of bringing it up again yourself, drop hints here and there about how you tell your mom everything (in other aspects). I think he will continue to connect that she is simply a huge support system for you and a main confident!
Post # 5
If this is the kind of thing that can derail your engagement and make everyone upset, you probably want to reevaluate whether or not you are ready for marriage. With all due respect, this seems extremely silly.
Post # 6
The best way to smooth this over is to never break a secret again. After spreading the news caused problems before, you agreed to keep the purchase of the ring a secret between the two of you, but you didn’t keep up your part of the bargain. Don’t let it happen again because it may look like a pattern of violating his trust. It’s very difficult to have a relationship,with someone when there’s no feeling of privacy or trust. I think you should follow his cue that he’s tired of talking about it for now, but the next time you two have something private goimg on, keep it to yourself.
Post # 8
Oh dear! How did you not learn the first time though? In future regarding secrets, you need to tell nobody. That’s why they’re called secrets. Not your mum, not your friends, not your coworkers. If you can’t even keep a secret then how do you expect others to? Your mum shouldn’t have told but neither should you. However, it’s minor. It’s a really small thing. Once you’re actually engaged it will all be forgotten about. Your boyfriend will get over it. Learn from it and move on. Enjoy your engagement.
Post # 9
The whole situation seems overblown.
You shared because you were excited and perhaps your mom did the same. Don’t think anything has truly been ruined because of it.
Post # 10
rheartr : This is your life and future as much as it’s his. You have a right to talk to your parents. This is absolutely ridiculous. Surely after 7 years your father figured that this day might come, if asking him was even something you two opted to include in your engagment. You speaking to your parents about your life takes nothing away from your boyfriend’s ability to speak to them as well.
In addition, it doesn’t sound like you made any sort of promise of absolute secrecy. It sounds like you decided to keep it pretty private and each told a few people.
Post # 11
Not really impressed with BF’s double standard. If he wants to keep something a secret, he shouldn’t be telling a bunch of people either.
Besides that, he’s had plenty of time to ask your dad. If it were really so important to him, he could have asked *before buying the ring*.
Post # 12
rheartr : Couple things. He needs to chill! You were excited!! Just like he was and told some people! He should think it’s cute you’re so excited and not be mad at you for it. Another thing, I think couples generally tell each other important things. And I mean, c’mon, it’s your dad she’s supposed to keep this great news from? It’s not like it’s a coworker or friend, it’s your dad. Don’t tell your mom things you don’t want your dad to know.
Post # 13
Thank you ladies. I don’t think he is terribly upset about it as he was joking with me about it, but I can tell that he is upset on some level because he keeps bringing it up. The more I talk about it the more I can tell he gets bothered by it, so I think I will just be quiet and lay low on the topic until it blows over.
Post # 14
rheartr : You broke the trust of your soon to be Fiance. I get that you were excited, but you had agreed with him to keep it quiet. You didn’t. I actually feel really bad for him that his future life partner can’t keep up her end of the secret.
Post # 15
bywater : he told his friends and coworkers, so he didn’t keep quiet either…