(Closed) Help! I was thoughtless and upset my boyfriend.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
2459 posts
Buzzing bee

I get it. You are just posting here out of anxiety, SO isn’t really as upset as your anxiety is making it seem, etc.

But still, I don’t get how your dad finding out he was GOING to ask him sours anything. Is he trying to surprise your dad? Why does it matter if your dad knows to expect that conversation or not? I just really don’t get the need to surprise your dad.

I’m actually giggling (not to make light of your anxiety) at the thought of your SO anxiously trying to surprise your dad with a “may I ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage?” proposal. Will he give him a little trinket to commemorate the conversation? 

I think you’re bending over backwards to be accomodating to your SO’s feelings. In some ways, it’s good (you’re sensitive to him), but you seem to be going overboard and erasing yourself out of the equation.

STOP bringing it up – sounds like you’re making a bigger deal out of it by constantly talking about it than it really is, and definitely don’t allow it to be an excuse to delay the proposal ANY longer. That would be entirely too ridiculous.

Is he marrying your dad or you?

Also, yay, the ring is on its way and you will most likely be engaged soon! Congrats!

Post # 47
5846 posts
Bee Keeper

 Daisy_Mae :  +1   I was thinking the exact same thing

OP, I think your SO is being a hypocrite here. I could better sympathize with him being upset if HE’D kept the secret to himself and you blabbed- but he’s all like “I just told my best friend. Oh, and some co-workers. Oh, and….’ then gets all sulky because you told your mom. 

And your mom trying to orchestrate some ‘alone time’ for your SO and your dad….well this is a classic case of a well meaning mom thinking she’s helping when it’s not nearly as subtle as she thinks she’s being. So yeah, well meaning mom shouldn’t have told dad or made it obv that she knew- but your boyfriend told a whole whack of people himself so I don’t see where he feels justified in feeling all butt hurt about it. 

IA with posters that this all seems kind of petty and silly to let it sour him asking your dad. We see all the time here on the Waiting boards how the guy wants it to be a complete surprise to his soon-to-be-fiance, but this is a new twist in that your SO is fixated on suprirsing your dad with the asking. He’s had over a year to do it and it’s concerning that this same issue (telling people in advance then being upset it’s not a surprise) soured him on asking your dad. How surprised is your dad supposed to be when you’ve been together for 7 years and talking about it for over a year? Is it necessary, or even a good thing, that your dad be totally caught off guard by this conversation wtih your boyfriend? This is really one of those shit or get off the pot moments for your SO. 

I also think you and your SO need to be clear on what each of you means by keeping a secret. Certain issues perhaps should stay strictly between the two of you, others you might want to share with a friend or a sister or mom etc, but the two of you need to be on the same page as to what’s okay to share and what’s not- without the hypocrisy that one person tells whomever they please but acts betrayed and punitive if the other person behaves the same. 


Post # 48
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

This is like an episode of a sitcom from the 1950’s.

Post # 49
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

I am going to go against the grain and say that I am with your SO. He asked you not to tell your dad after the first time. You told your mum, who, if she is anything like my mum or any other excited mum was obviously going to tell the Dad! Very little of the proposal/wedding planning process is controlled by the guy. That was HIS moment, and his special conversation to have with  your dad. I understand why he is miffed. 

Post # 50
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

rheartr :  just don’t tell anyone next time. Yes it’s annoying your mum told your dad but it was your responsibility to not tell the secret in the first place. Sorry bee 

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