(Closed) HELP! I’m a BM my FI isn’t invited. What to do?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You should talk to your friend/bride.  She should invite you Fiance, it’s only right–and it’s the proper etiquette.

Post # 4
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Budgeting in Seattle:  Given that you are in the wedding party and are now engaged, I would say she can make room for one more person. Normally I might side with the bride, but again, you being in the wedding party makes a huge difference in my book. 

Also, it sounds like you would have been pretty serious at the time the guest list was made. If I were the bride, I would have taken that into account that you might be engaged by the time the wedding took place!

Post # 5
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

thats a tough one maybe offer to pay for him so he can attend? or ask if he can attend after the dinner 

Post # 6
1075 posts
Bumble bee

It’s customary to allow the party a +1 I think, or at the very least it’s the polite thing to do. I would maybe e-mail her one last time and politely ask that they keep him in mind if they end up finding space. I personally think that if you are a member of their wedding and as a result spending a lot of time (and maybe money) on the day they should be willing to invite him too. 

Post # 7
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

There’s not much you CAN do. IMO, they should not have invited so many people if it meant excluding common law couples but they have made a decision and that’s that. Basically you have to either go and be a Bridesmaid or Best Man solo or pull out of the wedding party because your Fiance isn’t attending. A budget is a budget and capacity is capacity – there’s not much you can do in the way of speaking to your friend about it.

Post # 8
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Um no. He should be invited. The guest chopping order should have exluded people in the bridal party.

Post # 9
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think the bride was smart to make that rule for herself and stick to it for the majority of her guests. However, you’re not just any guest, you’re in the wedding party and are therefore a really close friend. Because of this I think she should make an exception for you. For a bridesmaid, I think it’s the right thing to do. Also, you are engaged, so it’s not like someone else could point a finger and say, “Why did so and so get to bring her SO and not me?” So that fact that you’re engaged does fit within her rule to invite engaged and married couples only. It really shouldn’t matter that you weren’t engaged when she made the list because like I said, as a member of the Bridal Party you should be an exception – a last minute engaged hop-on to the list. 

Also, just as a sidenote for after the wedding, if you were close enough to be asked to join the Bridal Party then I would think it would be important to the bride to maintain a friendship with your Fiance, just like I’m sure you maintain one with her FH. I think it would be quite short-sighted of the bride not to consider this if she decides to put her foot down and not invite the man who will soon be your husband. 

Post # 11
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s the rule that we’re going with plus live-in partners, but they clearly should have updated their list. I think that you need to tell the bride how much it means to you to have him there.

Post # 12
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

He should be invited BUT your Fi could let it go, if only for you. He needn’t make a big issue of it.

Post # 13
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

He should be invited. You should feel comfortable enough to talk to the bride and let her know the situation. Honestly, if it is a budget and seating issue I would just pay the bride the money to have Fiance come.

From an etiquette standpoint though, if you guys are engaged she should have allowed you a +1

Post # 14
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you need to talk to the bride. If you’re close enough for her to have asked you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you’re close enough to talk about your change in relationship status & subsequent invite status.

Post # 15
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MrsElopement:  Yah. This. Even if you guys were still not engaged, you are obviously a dear friend and you should be an exception.

Post # 16
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yeah, I also agree that as a member of the wedding party, you should really get a +1. I’m surprised she didn’t allow for that when you got engaged. I’d broach the subject with her along the lines of, can i pay for his plate if he comes? She should get the hint. I’m surprised she hasn’t already offered to tbh.

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