(Closed) Help! I'm driving myself crazy!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
403 posts
Helper bee

Obvious answer here…. You have to talk to him about your plans.

If you really feel you can’t then why oh why would you even consider spending the rest of your life with someone you feel unable to have an equal and open conversation with??

Post # 3
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

It doesn’t sound like you are on the same page yet. I would ask him what a perfect relationship is and what you both need to work on to get there. As for Vegas I would tread lightly and just expect only a fun trip. Who knows maybe it will be a surprise for you. But a surprise wedding you said you’re not ready for is not a good one for him. sorry I know it isn’t what you wanted to hear. Just my opinion. 

Post # 4
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee

Who has a perfect relationship to begin with? Marriage itself  will never be perfect so what’s there to work on that he can’t commit? There will always be ups and downs no matter what evey “perfect ” couple says.

As mentioned in the PP don’t expect it and just go have some fun. As for what’s going to happen, only he can truly answer that and you need to talk to him.

Post # 6
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee

Is he at least working towards that career path? If so give him some time. Seems like he wants to be settled before marriage. 

Post # 8
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee

Well see what happens while in Vegas and then after that i would have another talk with him if he doesn’t come through. Who knows maybe this is it but don’t work yourself up so much that you get disappointed if it doesn’t happen.

Post # 10
Member
2803 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You NEED to talk to him about it. Right down your words first and ask him to read them if that helps. Walk away while he reads, this means he can re-read and prepare his response, without the pressure of an immediate response which often leads to a more heated/more emotional response, rather than just thoughts. 

It’s highly possible he does intend to get married then and just doesn’t understand that you can’t buy a dress the day before. It’s also highly possible that he just wants to go to Vegas. 

Clearly communicate that you do not wish to spoil any possible suprises, you are asking because preparations need to be done so that neither of you regret your possible wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

View original reply
LooseyGoosey:  please please please if this trip is booked then just look forward to a fun time With your other half, no expectations. We went to Florida a few months back and I expected a proposal on my birthday whilst we were there, it didn’t happen and I was miserable for the rest of the holiday. I regret that massively Now. 

I know it’s easier said than done but life only comes around once and just try to ease up on yourself. ☺️

Post # 13
Member
10220 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If you can’t sit down & talk to your SO about anything, there is a problem.  He gets “aggravated” when you try to discuss your future?  That’s a big problem.

Your SO should be your best friend.  Best friends can talk about anything.  You’re self censoring & eggshell walking.

It may be time for couples’ counseling.

Post # 15
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
LooseyGoosey:  My honest opinion is that you need to chill out and work on making your relationship with your partner strong before you get married. The act of getting engaged and married is a committment and a promise to each other, but it is not a solution to any problem on it’s own. Your relationship will not be magically fixed by the act of getting engaged or married. So please listen to your partner when he says that he wants a strong, stable relationship before he seriously entertains the thought of committing to you forever. Also, I think you are missing the point of marriage as an important life choice made between two people here. Your post discusses only your concerns as being valid as dismisses his reasons for not being ready for marriage as “stupid stuff.” It’s no wonder he’s feeling unsure, if all he is experiencing is you nagging about what you want and not listening to him.

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