(Closed) Help! I’m in a pickle!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hm. It’s not really a gift if you buy her airfare, is it?!

Post # 4
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

No! You should not be expected to pay her air fare!  She’s being a little unreasonable.  This is obviously not a gift to you. The airfare essentially = cost of labor, which is what you will find with any florist, not a “friend.” 

Post # 5
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

That was SO weird of her to say! I would have been offfended, honestly. This is how I would respond:

“Wow, thanks so much for offering! The gesture is very much appreciated, but at this time, your airfare just isn’t in our budget, so of course I understand that means we won’t get to use your expertise that day, so I do apologize. Thank you again for the offer!”

Post # 6
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think you stepped into it.  So is she a pro?  Would you trust her to be your florist as if you did have to pay her?  I suppose looking at it from a purely a $$ standpoint, if the cost of her airfare and the flowers is going to be cheaper than what you would have otherwise spent, then I suppose it would be OK, if you trust her abilities.

Other than that, you certainly aren’t obligated to pay for her airfare.   If you decide you would rather not have her help, in light of this, I would tell her you appreciate the offer, but just don’t have it in the budget to pay for her airfare.  “Oh, I wish I could, but the wedding is draining my finances.  I’m sorry.  I still hope you can make it to the wedding, though.”

Post # 7
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Agreed – she told your mom she wanted to give you her services as a gift – totally unreasonable to ask for airfare as well. WOW!

Post # 8
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Ditto Ejs. That’s exactly what I was thinking.

Hmmm – sounds like she offered her services because she was fishing for an invite. Then to ask you to pay her way?!? There was no way to see that one coming. I’d just explain to her that you’re already trying to keep costs down (hence DIY’ing your flowers) – while you’d love to be able to pay for her airfare, you just can’t swing it.

Post # 9
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow, that’s not really a gift… I agree with all the other posters, don’t make yourself feel badly, you didn’t get into this! She’s being unreasonable. 

Post # 10
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No, that’s crazy! I can’t believe she said that. I would just tell her you can’t afford to pay for her airfare, but thanks for the offer.


Post # 11
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hmm yea thats a little odd of a request.  How expensive is the airfare anyways, have you checked? 

Is there a way you can have your Maid/Matron of Honor talk to her? 

I would just be honest and say that you were planning on DIYing them yourself since the budget it tight.  You will be purchasing the flowers and would love her help if she was able to make it for the wedding however due to budget you cannot purchase her airfare.

Post # 12
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just graciously decline. I don’t think you invited this response at all. The way you went about opening the door for her was really thoughtful, and it is too bad she made it awkward in this way.

Post # 13
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I ageee with everyone above me. My contribution is: Oh man what a bummer. For awhile you think you’re going to have this awesome floral arranger help you for free and then it turns out she actually wants you to pay her (airfare)?  Bummmerrr.

Post # 14
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

So if you pay for her airfare and for the flowers… how is that cheaper than hiring someone to do it? Not much of a gift if you ask me.

I don’t think you should have expected this and I would graciously decline.

Post # 15
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think that you should just do them on your own.  Thank her for her assistance, but tell her that you can’t afford to fly her there, it’s just not in the budget.  And that you hope she still comes to the ceremony.

That’s tough, so sorry to hear about that.

Post # 16
9 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

Absolutely not. It seems like she’s just trying to get a free trip to the wedding that she was coming to anyway. It kind of seems as if she’s trying to get over on you. You didn’t hire her to be your florist so I’m not understanding her logic, especially if she offered and is calling it a gift. I would kindly tell her that since you were planning on doing the flowers yourself you’d be happy to pay for them, however you are not able to pay for her airfare.

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