(Closed) Help, i’m lost for words…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

NO!!  It’s definitely not too late!  Just explain to E that you love her and know that she is really busy, so you spend a lot of time with D and want her to be included as well to help and so on.  There are no rules that say you can only have one Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 4
Member
12976 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think it’s too late, but I think there are going to be hurt feelings all around.  Did you mean to tell D that she’s a MOH?  I can see why E would be really upset by this, as well.  I have two MOHs (my sister and FSIL), but I told them both up front when I asked. 

Post # 5
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yeah, I would definitely say to them that you wanted them both to be Maid/Matron of Honor, and because they are both good friends of yours, you hoped that this would help them be friends too.

Post # 7
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Since you asked both, they are both MOHs.  I’d smooth things over telling each that you value their friendships equally and wanted to make sure they were equally honored.

Post # 9
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Personally, I don’t agree with having 2 Maids of Honor. Maybe a maid of honor and a matron of honor, but for me, that’s even pushing it.

I chose my oldest friend as my Maid/Matron of Honor and asked the other friend I hung out with more and who was so “gung ho” about the wedding to be a bridesmaid. I thought I made the wrong decision in the beginning. Come to find out, I made the right decision. My Maid/Matron of Honor is the person who I’ve grown up with, and she has been awesome. The other bridesmaid, my “almost MOH”, can’t be reached most the time, wouldn’t get off her phone to try on a bridesmaid dress, and is completely a different person than she was 6 months ago.

 

Post # 10
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to be someone you can count on to make things happen for your wedding.  E doesn’t sound like she’s up to the challenge because of her schedule.  She should be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because then she will only have to really show up to things that the Maid/Matron of Honor tells her to.  You can tell her that she can obviously help D the Maid/Matron of Honor when she can and provide opinions and suggestions but because she’s busy she can’t have yet another thing this big on her plate.  I don’t think the job of the Maid/Matron of Honor should be a split one as they are pretty much the leader of the bridal party and you don’t need the two of them tripping over each other both making decisions.

Post # 11
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

text her asking when you can speak no emails…

Post # 12
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Jamiezilla:  OP cannot demote E, that would be devastating to their friendship.  It seems like this girl is already hurt that D is an Maid/Matron of Honor as well, but this would hurt things even more.  No one should choose their Maid/Matron of Honor because that person will do the most for them, or help them the most.  By that logic, we should all ask our wedding coordinators (if we have hired them) to be our honor attendants.

Post # 13
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would call them both and have them both be Maid/Matron of Honor though it sounds like they arent exactly getting along. I think a phone call/ face to face is in order here. 

Post # 14
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@futuremrsfitz18:  I agree with you that it will be devastating to E.  But you have to acknowledge that the Maid/Matron of Honor does the most, needs to be the most organized and is the most involved on the big day as well as the events leading up to it.  Wedding coordinators don’t plan and organize the bridal party for the bachelorette party, they don’t help you pee in your big dress… they help coordinate your vendors and they’re paid to have that time open to you.  There’s a huge difference.

Post # 15
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@Jamiezilla:  Anyone can help plan those things, they don’t even have to be in the bridal party.

OP – I think you need to call E and apologize for the miscommunication and make them both Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 16
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Jamiezilla:  No, the Maid/Matron of Honor should be her nearest and dearest, NOT the person most willing to help her plan the wedding.

Yes, it would be nice if the Maid/Matron of Honor takes charge of the shower and bachelorette, but if they cannot due to time, money, or distance, that is not a reason to demote them to bridesmaid.  In fact, there is no reason to ‘demote’ someone, apart from sleeping with the groom or some other friendship ending move.

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