(Closed) Help I’m starting to feel like i don’t want a wedding is this normal?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Elope!  Seriously though, I would either delegate so that you don’t feel so stressed out or have a coordinator help you with the details.

Post # 4
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Check out apracticalwedding. Lots of good reminders on there about what’s important. Make a list with your fiance about what your wedding is ABOUT (celebrating of the union, a chance to party, friends, whatever) and anything that doesn’t really matter to those goals, toss it!

Post # 5
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

Delegate to bridal party/family/awesome friends, get a coordinator, and/or cut those unnecessary-but-nice-to-have projects. Lots of deep breaths, some time with Fiance that doesn’t include wedding talk, enough exercise and sleep, and remembering that as long as the celebrant/priest shows up and the certificate gets signed, you’ll be married 🙂

Post # 6
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Totally normal!!  I think you might have read my mind . . .

Good luck!!

Post # 7
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m already stressing out, too! (Our weddings are just a couple weeks apart!) Plus, my fiance is out of the country for a month so I feel like I can’t do things (we do all the planning together.) So, yeah, I’m in the same position. I love him and definitely want to marry him but I’m just really overwhelmed. Our families have ideas of how our wedding should be (they don’t agree with many things like no alcohol and no church) and I’ve had a hard time asking people to be in the wedding party, etc. I keep asking my fiance if we can elope/have a destination wedding with just ourselves or immediate family there, etc but he won’t go for it. (He knows that deep down that I want this big wedding.) Not to mention we’re also in school and we don’t have a lot of money…yeah, I could ramble about this forever. Basically, you’re not alone!! =)

Post # 9
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Heck I am with you guys too! And I am not even getting married here in the states. Part of the reason to get married in the BVI’s was to make it more relaxed, and it so doesn’t feel like it. 

While at lunch after going to a bridal show with my mom I finally told her that this is my wedding and that I want to plan it. Not that I don’t want her help, I do, but it needs to me on my timeline. So when I say oh can I have your help here with ______ that is what I would like. Rather than talking about all the pieces I have no idea of yet. It went over ok, but we will have to wait and see.

Talk about stress, as it stands right now we are looking at 3 weddings….. at the Justice of the Peace (for visa), in the BVI’s in front of family and friends, then a hometown reception for all those that couldn’t make it down to the BVI’s.

I think we should just take a step back and all breathe for a week. No looking for venue’s, caterers, and of that stuff, we all have some time and just need to let it rest for a bit and enjoy the moment instead.

Post # 10
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I felt this way too, being overwhelmed and depressed about the money spent on one day.  I wished that people had told me that it was okay to elope, but my immediate friends said there was no escaping.  Wrong. 

When I thought about it, eloping would have saved me tens of thousands of dollars.  I wouldn’t be stressed either.

If you really feel like you would be happier eloping, then do it.  If you ever regret eloping, you can still go through the stress of planning a wedding reception later, after you’re married.

I learned that wedding planning is a full time job.  I spent at least 40 hours a week to plan.  I would hire a wedding planner if I were to do it again. Doing it yourself is stressful and time-consuming.  First and foremost, if you want to have a wedding, any details you want will cost you money and all the details add up quickly, even if you’re going the DIY route.

Think carefully about what makes you happier before you start putting down deposits.

Hope it helps!

Post # 11
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I felt the same way…and my fiance wanted a wedding.  So we compromised.  We’re getting married with our immediate families present.  We’re still negotiating on the reception 😉

Keeping our wedding intimate is the best thing we could have done – a good (early) lesson in compromising for both of us.  (There are days though that I feel sad that we’re not having all of our friends there but I’m at peace with it).

Good luck with your decision and remember that it’s one of the best days of your life and you need to be happy on that day and on the days leading up to it.

 

Post # 12
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think most of us have felt like that at one point or another. I know at about 6 months out I started getting really stressed and just wanted to elope. I stil have moments like that (especially with all the drama my mother has been creating) but it’s completely normal! Planning a wedding is a very emotional, time-consuming, stressful, yet fun thing!

Post # 13
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I had a moment yesterday where I said I was done doing wedding things and someone else would have to do them, lol. I of course later did do some more wedding things, but for a moment I was boycotting my own wedding. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think everyone goes through this.  Just make a schedule and get an organizer and you will be fine!  And if not just elope lol.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I completely understand how you feel.  With all of the stress my parents are putting on me, I don’t want anything to do with wedding planning.  We only got engaged two months ago and I really just feel like they have sucked the life out of me. 

Post # 16
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh honey, you need to calm down. Tell everyone you don’t want to hear any wedding talk whatsoever til    AT LEAST    Christmas.

Then, sit down with your Fiance and work out what kind of wedding you really really want. What parts of the day are meaningful and important to you? Because to be honest most guests remember the general atmosphere and fun of the event, not specifics like decor and flowers and poms and whatnot.

Then try to see where the money is going to come from. What can you afford to put in/borrow yourselves. What (if any) is coming from family, and if any, whether they will just give it or whether it will come with silly amounts of conditions tied on to it.

Then just work it out between you. It’s your wedding. You and him. I just think that in some cases, a problem shared can actually be a problem magnified, rather than halved! Like, we’re all giving opinions here, but we’re not gonna insist you act on them! Keep everyone out until you have more of a clue what you want.

Eloping has merit, but you would probably still end up doing some kind of reception at home, and IMO that usually ends up with you organising 2 events rather than one. But you do what works for you. Keep us posted!

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