Post # 1
So my friend of 26 years is getting married soon, I am the Maid Of Honor, she has been a bridezilla since he put the ring on her finger and I have been patient and understanding and went along with everything she said since day 1.
I paid for the shower gifts to the people who came, got her a gift for the shower and a private gift for her, the bachelorette party limo, entrance fee’s wherever we went, liquor, Bachelorette party treats, gifts for her. I paid for my dress and shoes and drove 2 hours each way (4 times) to get them and get the dress fitted since I live out of state. After I get my nails done and hair done, pay for a hotel room and a baby sitter for the night of the wedding – I’m out about $1,000.00+ so far without getting them a gift, this is where I’m confused……..do I need to cover the cost of the plates as a gift to bride and groom? OR is a sentimental gift OK, my husband is going to the wedding too with me……? I am broke and cannot afford to give her another $300 as a gift (to cover 2 plates of food)….what is proper? what should I do? HELP!! 🙂
Post # 3
As many will point out, it is not mandatory to give gifts at a wedding.
I think you have gone above and beyond what has been asked of you as the Maid/Matron of Honor and a sentimental gift is more than enough.
Post # 4
You mean pay for your own meal at the reception? Is that common? I’ve been a Maid/Matron of Honor twice and never heard of such a thing– much less done it. Is this a regional thing?
Post # 5
Some people gift the estimated cost per guest as their gift, but this is not a rule. And being a Maid/Matron of Honor and going above and beyond with everything all ready a sentimental gift is more then enough and yes even if your husband is going.
Post # 6
I think it is one of those wedding myths… that you are supposed to give a gift that essentially compensates the couple for the cost of the meal. Etiquette does not dictate that you do this, but some people guage the expense of gifts that way. I have never done it that way. When I was a college student I gave less than $50 gifts, but as I’ve become more financially solvent I’ve been able to give more generously.
Daisy- I think a sentimental gift is perfect. You’ve already done a ton. I felt horrible about the people in my bridal party who got us gifts. They had already done enough!
Post # 7
I think you’ve already done A LOT, a sentimental gift is really perfect here!!
Post # 8
this is crzy you I would buy her somthing cheap idk to much money i would never ask that of my moh to do that let alone any bridesmaid. I know my moh has said something about giving me a sentimental gift in which im perfectly fine with.
Post # 9
oh and usually if you bring a gift for the shower you don’t have to bring one to the wedding that usually counts as your gift. and since you got her a shower gift and a privite gift. Plus your gift of time and friendship helping out without complaining I would say your gift giving is done.
Post # 10
WOW!! you amaze me! I would definitely skip on the gift. Still get a card tho! But a gift? never in my life would I even think about giving a gift after everything you have done for your friend!
Post # 11
You really have superseded any idea that I had for anyone involved in a wedding! Hopefully the bride appreciates you and realizes what you have done to appease her!!!!!!!!!!!!
As of now … I’m pretty sure that you aren’t expected to go into debt over plates for her.
Post # 12
I think that a gift that has a lot of meaning (like a nice picture frame with you and her) would be perfect in this situation.
Sometimes it is hard for a bride to realize that she is asking for too much but when she reflects on everything she will be so thankful that you where there. Just you being you is the best gift she could ask for!
Post # 13
after all you’ve mentioned, i’m HIGHLY surprised you’ve gotten out at only a grand! i was Maid/Matron of Honor at my (and i lovingly say this) bridezilla-bff’s wedding last year and i had maybe 3/4 of your expenses and i still probably spent a grand. not to mention, i’m a photographer and did her engagment, bridal, and shower photography for free. i love her but somehow i still felt like she felt i owed her something. i just don’t get it. she popped out a kid as soon as possible after getting hitched, and now that i’m engaged she hasn’t offered to lift a finger to help me out, not that i’ve asked. i’m much more of a DIY bride. i say that everything you’ve done so far is totally a gift in itself! if i could hug you myself for all that you’ve done for your dear friend, i would 🙂
Post # 14
I would also say that a sentimental gift is plenty. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty, and it is definitely not necessary for you to pay for her dinner.
Post # 15
Covering the cost of your plate is an east coast thing…1. we are in NJ……..2. we are italian and 3. her wedding is costing her 80K…so far……
Thanks Ladies..I appreciate it so much!! 🙂 Can you believe I even made her a scrapbook of the last 26 years of ALL 10 of her bridesmaids and she didn’t even say thanks for any of it
Now I just need to figure out what is going to be “good enough” for a sentimental gift and I’m hoping she is going to be OK with that…..
Post # 16
I say get a card and write something meaningful in it and call it a day. You sounded like you went out of your way to give her a good time and tried to be there for her when she needed you. You are off the hook missy, and if she comments on it, just say something like, I believe I threw you two parties, so I’m sorry but that was already a strain on my budget.