(Closed) Help! Invite etiquette debacle!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Personally – I don’t have much patience for stuff like this and I wouldn’t even bother.

But a lot of people would say do it, because it’s the right thing to do.

Do you think it’ll put a rift in your relationship if you don’t?

Post # 4
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

If I were in your shoes, I would not send it to her.  She has obviously made it a point to let you know that your wedding is not important to her (come on! a concert? really? thanks, friend). I would not waste an invitation on her, In My Humble Opinion.

Post # 5
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would just send them.  She might change her mind.

Post # 6
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu

i would do it just so she doesn’t come back later and complain about how you never sent her one. plus there’s the possibility that she’ll get her priorities in order, or that she might not get tickets..

Post # 7
Member
2058 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Its like jumping in the pool – – plug your nose jump in get wet then come up for air….In the long run you’ll be proud of yourself for doing the right thing while in the moment it hurts your feelings…..Yes send her the invites.

Post # 8
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I wouldnt waste my time and send it.

Post # 10
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Since she’s definitely not coming I don’t think it makes much sense to send her an invitation.

Post # 11
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would send one anyhow.  proper etiquette says that you send them to people even if you know they wont come.  i think that not sending one to her but sending one to her sister and family its a pretty big snub on  your part to not include her.  you should be the bigger person and send her one rather than furthering the war.

Post # 12
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would still send one.  We definitely have guests who have made it clear that they can’t make it to the wedding (and btw, FI’s BEST friend from childhood apparently has a VERY important car race that he must attend instead of our wedding, so I hear you on this)… but we’re still sending them invitations.  It just seems like the right thing to do.  And if by chance they decide that they do want to come to the wedding after all (or want to send a present maybe), then there’s no hard feelings from not receiving an invite.

Post # 14
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If you have the kind of relationship where you could ask her if she wants you to send her one, I’d say ask. It sounds like she’d tell you not to bother (which could be a good reason not to ask if you think that would hurt your feelings). If not, just send one and avoid any potential hurt feelings.

Post # 15
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I’d send it just because it doesn’t cost you much.  And while there are people that would hurt me a lot if they didn’t come to my wedding – I think the couple gets to throw any kind of wedding they want whereever and whenever they want and invite who they want – but the guests get to decide whether they can come or not and ideally there are no hard feeling.  Whatever this concert is it is obviously very important to her and she obviously doesn’t place a lot of important on these kinds of family/traditional events – which doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you like crazy.  My two cents.

Post # 16
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Monkeygirl,
Seems to me that she doesn’t have much respect for you or your wedding. BUT…I would still send it.

Want to know why?

With the attitude you’ve described to us, I can honestly see her using the “she didn’t even invite me” line as a weapon to get people on her “side.”

I think the easiest thing to do is to be gracious enough to send her an invite and then just forget about her. Doesn’t sound like she would be a good person to be there anyway. 🙂

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