Post # 1
I grew up with 2 girls who are sisters- I’ve known them my entire life; we have been friends since we were babies. One of them callously informed me that she would not be attending my wedding because she has a concert to go to. (Mind you, she has already been to this concert once already, and when she informed me that she was going to this concert, she had not purchased her tickets yet. The tickets didn’t even go on sale until like a month or so later).
Here’s the dilemma- in the upcoming months, we will be sending out STD’s, bridal shower invites, and then eventually wedding invites. Do I send her these things even though she made it clear she’s not coming to my wedding?
Post # 3
Personally – I don’t have much patience for stuff like this and I wouldn’t even bother.
But a lot of people would say do it, because it’s the right thing to do.
Do you think it’ll put a rift in your relationship if you don’t?
Post # 4
If I were in your shoes, I would not send it to her. She has obviously made it a point to let you know that your wedding is not important to her (come on! a concert? really? thanks, friend). I would not waste an invitation on her, In My Humble Opinion.
Post # 5
I would just send them. She might change her mind.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu
i would do it just so she doesn’t come back later and complain about how you never sent her one. plus there’s the possibility that she’ll get her priorities in order, or that she might not get tickets..
Post # 7
Its like jumping in the pool – – plug your nose jump in get wet then come up for air….In the long run you’ll be proud of yourself for doing the right thing while in the moment it hurts your feelings…..Yes send her the invites.
Post # 8
I wouldnt waste my time and send it.
Post # 9
@ sewing- not a chance- she definitely already bought the tickets. She posted all about it on Facebook, that’s how I found out that she didn’t already have the tickets when she initially told me about the concert. It was actually pretty hurtful to find out that way.
I don’t think it will cause a real rift in our relationship. She’s not a bad person per se- she’s just self-involved and very flaky. (Example: I threw a baby shower for my sister, and her invitation came back as having the “wrong address.” I emailed her to ask her for her correct address and she flat out never responded. I had to get her sister to give me her correct address so I could re-send the invitation, and she just flat out never RSVP’d. The baby shower was held at a nice banquet facility with a sit-down luncheon that I was paying per head for).
Post # 10
Since she’s definitely not coming I don’t think it makes much sense to send her an invitation.
Post # 11
I would send one anyhow. proper etiquette says that you send them to people even if you know they wont come. i think that not sending one to her but sending one to her sister and family its a pretty big snub on your part to not include her. you should be the bigger person and send her one rather than furthering the war.
Post # 12
I would still send one. We definitely have guests who have made it clear that they can’t make it to the wedding (and btw, FI’s BEST friend from childhood apparently has a VERY important car race that he must attend instead of our wedding, so I hear you on this)… but we’re still sending them invitations. It just seems like the right thing to do. And if by chance they decide that they do want to come to the wedding after all (or want to send a present maybe), then there’s no hard feelings from not receiving an invite.
Post # 13
@ ClairDarling- I didn’t mean to imply there is some ongoing “war,” there’s no fighting going on. I am hurt by what she’s choosing to do, but I don’t harbor any ill feelings in my heart for her. I know it’s her choice and there is nothing I can do about that. I’m just completely “on the fence” about it- that’s why I am seeking the various opinions from the hive as to what everyone thinks.
Post # 14
If you have the kind of relationship where you could ask her if she wants you to send her one, I’d say ask. It sounds like she’d tell you not to bother (which could be a good reason not to ask if you think that would hurt your feelings). If not, just send one and avoid any potential hurt feelings.
Post # 15
I’d send it just because it doesn’t cost you much. And while there are people that would hurt me a lot if they didn’t come to my wedding – I think the couple gets to throw any kind of wedding they want whereever and whenever they want and invite who they want – but the guests get to decide whether they can come or not and ideally there are no hard feeling. Whatever this concert is it is obviously very important to her and she obviously doesn’t place a lot of important on these kinds of family/traditional events – which doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you like crazy. My two cents.
Post # 16
Seems to me that she doesn’t have much respect for you or your wedding. BUT…I would still send it.
Want to know why?
With the attitude you’ve described to us, I can honestly see her using the “she didn’t even invite me” line as a weapon to get people on her “side.”
I think the easiest thing to do is to be gracious enough to send her an invite and then just forget about her. Doesn’t sound like she would be a good person to be there anyway. 🙂