(Closed) Help! Is it rude to include where we’re registered on a reception card?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

On a website, the guest has to actively seek the information out. When you include it with an invitation, that is not the case. It’s right there in front of them, whether they want to see it or not. It’s just too direct.

People may also directly ask you and your fiance. A number of people asked us point blank. I really do promise you that including registry info with your invitation is NOT necessary. You will not receive less value in gifts and those people who would give you something wacky and not from your registry will do that even if you include the information. But, you do run the risk of offending people, and as hosts, you should try your best to not offend people, even if you feel they shouldn’t be offended.

Post # 18
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@LittleAudrey:  I think it’s because wedding websites are all-encompassing for wedding information.  There are usually links to go to pages that have registry info.  So it’s not forcing it on the guest.  They can look if they choose.  By the same token, they can also look at hotel accomodations, which are usually included on wedding websites, or take a closer look at entree choices – to find out what type of fish or what type of beef…  We had all specifics on our website, so the registry info was just blended in with all of that information.

Post # 19
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We’ve mentioned it on wedding day invites but not on the reception ones. I think you should just go with your gut. If people are offended, they don’t have to get you a gift 🙂

Post # 20
Member
2353 posts
Buzzing bee

I skirted the whole thing by including the website in the invitation – which has accommodations and lots and lots of other information, but it also has the registry information. If you can do a website, it’s a nice place to put any of the stuff that makes people itchy to see in the actual invitation.

Post # 22
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee

@LittleAudrey:  Here’s what I don’t get– how is it rude to include a small card mentioning where I’m registered but it’s not rude to mention it on a website?


Amost all sticklers for etiquette would advise that putting it on the website is also not polite.  The reason being,you shouldn’t mention gifts in any capacity without being asked. 

Some will argue that by clicking on the registy tab the guest is essentially asking.  I can see that side of it, thoughI would never do it personally.

Bottom line, is that mentioning gifts in any way is frowned upon, unless it has been directly asked for.  It implies that gifts are required.  Which although traditional, are not an admittance ticket, that the guest must give up before they can attend.

Post # 23
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

People have received our invites which do not include our registry info or our website and several people have started asking. We did have to include ***due to travel considerations, no boxed gifts please*** we are traveling to the venue and can’t bring all that on the plane. It may seem rude to some, but it’s just not feasible or realistic in our case

Post # 24
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I included the address for my wedding website and the information is all there. I think that that is a little less “in your face” but someone who is looking for it will find it there

 

Post # 25
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I sometimes feel like people don’t realize that some of these etiquette “rules” harken from the 19- teens when email, DW’s, and wedding websites were non existent.  These ideas were created by the wealthy who lived in close-knit communities and frowned upon things that were middle class and “beneath” them.  Some of this stuff just does not make sense in 2012.  

As far as letting your parents and family spread the word about registries:  Many couples pay for their own weddings these days, live away from parents, socilize in different circles etc.  My parents would not begin to know how to contact or “spread word” to our guests.

Additionally, I find it helpful when couples put registry info in the invite.  Why send me on a wild goose chase trying to figure out what they need?  And what if a guest ends up getting the couple something they do not need because they don’t want to hassle with the registry grapeline?  How wasteful would that be?

I just don’t get it.  If someone wants to act all coy about asking for the gifts they WANT, why register at all?  Why accept any gift?

Times change, fashion changes, gender roles have changed. No offence, But I prefer to live my life in the present

Post # 26
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@PamelaBrit:  I cannot agree more with everything you wrote!

Post # 27
Member
28 posts
Newbee

@PamelaBrit:  This! I couldn’t have said it better. 

OP, I think you should do whatever works best for your situation. If that’s putting registry info with your invite, then so be it.

Post # 28
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@RunsWithBears:  I agree. I’m from Ohio, and I’ve never seen this done, nor would I ever do it. Frankly, a simple google search will come up with your registry as one of the first hits, so I don’t really think it’s “inconvenient” to find your registry if your guests want to do so. People aren’t stupid- they’ll figure it out, or they’ll give you cash! FWIW, I also don’t think Crate & Barrel is an obscure store- the last two couples who invited me to their weddings had registries there.

Post # 29
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I never felt comfortable about putting a registry on any kind of invite or anyting.  We had a wedding website that has all the wedding info and history of us along with where we are registered.  So I just put our wedding website on our invite tag so people could see all our wedding info and look at our registry at the same time 🙂

Post # 30
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee

@PamelaBrit:  Some of this stuff just does not make sense in 2012. 

Being polite and not demanding gifts will make sense no matter what year it is.

As far as letting your parents and family spread the word about registries:  Many couples pay for their own weddings these days, live away from parents, socilize in different circles etc.


It doesn’t have to be your parents.  It could be anyone.  You could tell a few key friends, the social co-ordinator from your office, a big mouthed relative.  It is not that difficult for people to find out.

 

 

Post # 31
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@andielovesj:  Being polite and not demanding gifts will make sense no matter what year it is.

True and I agree with you 100%.  But I think some people (myself included) don’t consider;

“If you are so inclined, the couple is registered and X,Y,Z”

impolite or demanding at all and actually find it helpful 🙂

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