Post # 1
I have 4 months to go before my wedding, but have not yet asked any of my friends or sister to be bridesmaids. The reason I have been putting it off is that my wedding will be in France, and I didn’t know who would be able to come. My best friend is not sure she can make it because she’s starting a job in September, and my wedding will be Sept 19, and she’s not sure to be able to take the time off. I wanted her to be Maid/Matron of Honor or a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but it’s looking less and less like she will come. I love my sister to death, but I fear she is not a good organizer and would not be comfortable organizing the bachelorette or anything else…. I have other good friends who I would love to have in the bridal party, but most friends I would consider having in the bridal party live out of town, and some of them have money issues – I’m not sure they would want to spend money on a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. I was even thinking of not making the BMs wear a dress for that reason. Sigh…
Is it too late to still ask my friends to be BM? How should I do it now? They must feel a bit slighted that I haven’t asked until now. I also don’t know who should be Maid/Matron of Honor – my sister, even though she may slack on her Maid/Matron of Honor duties? Or should I just not have a Maid/Matron of Honor, and pick 4 BMs of equal rank?
Post # 3
I think you have a couple different questions to answer –
Who is coming to France for your wedding? Of those people, who would you consider having in your bridal party? Also, do you want to make the people (like your bf) who cannot come to France still "honorary" Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor so they still feel special? Are you planning to have a 2nd reception or anything back in the US?
Of those BMs you decide (which I think it’s perfectly acceptable to not have ANY on a Destination Wedding), do you want them to have matching dresses? How much do you want them to be apart of the planning/wedding?
My friend had a destination wedding in the Caribbean, and they had such a small amount of guests (I think between 20-30) that they had no BMs or Groomsmen because that would be nearly half of the guests there. LOL!! Best of luck, I’m sure your wedding is going to be beautiful and special no matter what!! 🙂
Post # 4
It’s not too late, and since your having a wedding in France, totally understandable. That being said, if you do decide to ask them to stand up with you perhaps you don’t ask they have matching dresses maybe get something from J.Crew or Ann Taylor (or each find a dress in a certain color). You are cutting it close for traditional bridesmaids dress orders which may need to be tailored.
I may have read this wrong but are you saying you don’t want your sister in the wedding because she might not organize a bach party for you? Um, that would really upset me if I were your sister… the point of a Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man is not to organize parties for you but to witness your wedding day. She’s family, I’d be offended if one of my sisters didnt ask me to stand by them because of my organizational skills.
I don’t think its too late but you may want to reevaluate your expectations given that they only have 4 months (actually only 3 since its already June) to prepare andthe fact they are traveling to another country for your wedding.
Post # 5
I want my sister in the wedding party, just not sure if I should ask her to be Maid/Matron of Honor… I thought Maid/Matron of Honor had to be responsible and in charge – not just for organizing the bach party, but also keep things under control on the wedding day. Not sure my sis would want that responsibility. (bf on the other hand, is a take charge person…. sigh) But out of all the people in my life, my sister and my bf are the two people I would want to be Maid/Matron of Honor, responsibilities aside.
In terms of dresses, not sure I want BMs to wear matching dresses. I thought about having them wear the same colour, but they pick the dress. In France, they don’t have the tradition of wearing matching dresses for the BMs, so it wouldn’t be weird if they just wore dresses they picked out for themselves. (husband-to-be is French).
Well, thanks for the thoughts, will think about it some more. 🙂
Post # 6
I think you need to decide how badly you want BMs. You are getting married in France. That’s a pretty big deal to most guests. Would it help them if you paid for their dresses? Or their flights or hotel or something, to help offset costs? Also since there would be a lot of money going into making it to your wedding, I really think you should forgo the bachelorette party.
It sounds like, your sister is going to the wedding. (And she’s your sister, and you two sound like your close). I would just ask her to be Maid/Matron of Honor. What kinds of things are you wanting her to keep under control on your wedding day? It might be asking too much to ask that she be a DOC or something for the wedding, especially in a foreign country, she’s probably unfamiliar with.
Post # 7
Yeah, I guess I don’t care so much for matching dresses, and could forgo that. I just thought it would be cool to have my close friends be part of the ceremony more than anything – but they don’t need to be in wedding uniform to do that. My fiancé and I have have done just about all of the planning on our own, so I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here. We’ve really tried to inconvenience people as least as is possible with a wedding in France.
I just also want to say that this isn’t really a destination wedding – it’s where my fiancé’s family lives. Actually, I would much rather have done it where we live – close to the places we know and love – but if we didn’t do it in France, his parents could not attend. So I am also making a compromise here, but obviously for a good reason. It means that my family and my friends have to travel far, but his family and friends do not. I wish the locals could be the ones buying the dresses, but it just didn’t work out that way.
The bachelorette, on the other hand, is essential. It doesn’t have to be expensive – just going out with the girls two nights before the wedding, so the girls who will already be there can join us. But it feels weird to throw myself a bachelorette, so I was hoping someone else could do it, and I thought it was the Maid/Matron of Honor who traditionally did that.
But yeah, thanks for your opinion though. I guess it’s true that it’s not just the BMs that get things moving during the wedding day, and we can ask the groom’s family to be involved with that too, since it’s their part of the world.