Help. Is my BIL in love with me..

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

chicachoo :  Seeing as your Brother-In-Law is a raging alcoholic, I can’t be sure that he’s in love with you since he can’t even love himself. But it is clear his behavior toward you is wildly inappropriate.

You should have told your Darling Husband everything and if you haven’t yet, I would start now.

Then, you two should mutually decide not to be around your Brother-In-Law who is a raging alcohol that disrespects his brother, his brother’s wife, and your marriage. Don’t willingly put yourself in situations with your Brother-In-Law at all, as in go no contact. And if that’s not possible, certainly don’t be around him by yourself.

Post # 3
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

He’s a perv who needs to keep his sleazy hands to himself. 

Post # 4
Member
3867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Your Brother-In-Law is a disgusting creepy asshole. I think you should tell your husband about all the inapropriate touching and the sexual comments and gestures and name-calling so that your husband can assist you in cutting him off as fully as possible and ensuring you are never alone with him. Block him on your phone and social media. This isn’t just you being sheltered, he is gross.

Post # 5
Member
5091 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I don’t know of he’s in love with you but he’s a disgusting pig that gets off of making you uncomfortable.  Stay away from him and keep your boys away from this bad influence. 

Post # 6
Member
6716 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

He’s assaulting you and getting away with it.  You’re not wrong, it’s hard for people to do something about that at times, especially when they worry about making waves with family.  But you’d be better served to be loud about it next time — call him out on it, make him feel some consequences.  When he says he’s joking, point out it’s not funny. How would he like it if you kicked him in the balls next time he slapped your ass?  Probably not so much.

Also no, he’s not in love with you.  I doubt he knows what love is.  He’s just a pig who hides behind alcohol as an excuse to do piggish things.

Post # 7
Member
11533 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

That’s not love, OP. That’s basic douchebaggery. He’s disgusting and sounds like a huge loser.

Avoid him at all costs and tell your husband everything so you can handle it together. 

Post # 8
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think that Brother-In-Law is a sexual predator and his behavior is escalating. You really need to be careful. Sit down with your Darling Husband and make a case for not seeing him anymore. At the very least, cut off contact until (assuming it happens) Brother-In-Law seeks treatment. 

Most importantly, don’t blame yourself. You are neither encouraging not instigating his attention toward you. Don’t let him make you feel like you are party to it. 

I hope this gets resolved and you and Darling Husband can move on from it. Best wishes. 

Post # 9
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee

He’s definitely not in love with you and he’s definitely a creep. I don’t that checking to make sure you were ok the one time you laid on the deck was a thing, but the rest is not okay. 

Post # 11
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

He knows what he’s doing is wrong and gross and he’s not going to stop. Talking to him will only escalate the problem because he knows he’s getting to you. 

I would tell my husband everything and refuse to ever be around his brother unless absolutely necessary. 

Post # 12
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

chicachoo :  First of all, this is horrible behavior and it’s also sexual assualt. If your husband nor his family are doing anything about this after you’ve told them about it, then I would get a restraining order. Just because he is family does not mean it is okay. This guy is a predator. I would recommend not participating in any family get-togethers where he is present. Just don’t go. If you’re not willing to do this, then the next time it happens, I would make a BIG scene in front of everyone, and then move forward with a restraining order. You need to distance yourself and NEVER be alone with this guy, EVER.

Post # 13
Member
654 posts
Busy bee

LOL no your brother in law is not “in love” with you. He’s a creepy asshole who gets a kick out of sexually harassing you, which is a much bigger issue that you need to take up with your husband ASAP. 

Post # 14
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee

First and foremost, your Brother-In-Law is NOT in love with you. Period.  It is more appropriate to say he is a predator who has learned the art of covertly assaulting his victim (you) when he knows he can get away with it and he is getting a huge power trip f*cking with you because there are no consequences to his behavior.  He knows this is inappropriate.  He doesn’t need you to have a “talk” with him because he knows what he’s doing and he knows you’re too weak to stop him.

Please STOP trying to protect people’s feelings, trying not to create “drama” (the drama started the moment Brother-In-Law refused to accept your first “no” to him many years ago), and thinking you can “handle” the BIL on your own.  You need to tell your Darling Husband EVERYTHING (from the beginning) and blow the lid on BIL’s predatory behavior towards you.  You will continue to remain his victim the longer you stay quiet about this and try to not make any “waves.”  

Post # 15
Member
8789 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

chicachoo :  

No he’s not ‘in love with’   you , he  just  fancies you and hopes you’ll  give in to his sleaze. Perhaps also , he’d  like to   score off  his good boy brother ( ‘See,  you might be the golden boy but I can  still nail your wife’ style thing )  

Stay way away from him , particularly  if you have been drinking. If he comes on to you again  , certainly  tell your husband or threaten  to if you think that’s a better plan . Be strong and be aware he may deny the whole thing, even suggesting you are the one fancying  him.     

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