Post # 1
Hello, long time reader, first time poster. I have a situation and I need some advice.
My SO of 4 years is planning on proposing soon, which is not a surprise as we have been discussing getting engaged and married for awhile now. We even sat down together and discussed what ring I would want, I knew I wanted a radiant moissy stone with a simple rose gold setting, and helped him a bit in navigating which online moissanite jeweller I liked (or thought I liked) and the right language to use in terms of rings and settings. There have been several delays and poor communication from the company, making the whole experience stressful for him and it got to the point where he had to tell me what was going on because he felt guilty that he had me anticipating a proposal this past summer (which I completely understood and told him not to stress). Basically the online jeweller mixed up the metal and sent him a white gold ring and then took their time replacing it when told it was incorrect. I’ve accidentally learned they finally sent him a replacement ring however saw that they messed up the stone this time. It’s an emerald cut, which while beautiful, is not really what I like personally for myself. The only thing is that my SO either hasn’t noticed or thinks it’s the same thing because the shape is similar to a radiant. I don’t really know what to do in this situation, I know he is planning on proposing soon I just don’t know where, and I don’t want to make him feel bad or tell him I’ve accidentally seen it. Has anyone been proposed to with a ring you didn’t love or wasn’t what you wanted? Looking for advice but please be kind.
Post # 2
Tell him saw it and let him know it was the wrong cut. Then get your money back and go elsewhere!
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
How did you find out? Will he be more mad at how you found out or that the ring is wrong again?
You just need to be upfront so it can be returned. Definitely get your money back and start over elsewhere.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
I think I would let him know that you saw it was the wrong cut… It would probably be easier now than once you have the ring. That super sucks bee!! What a royal pain!
Post # 5
You’ve been so involved throughout the entire ring process, this time shouldn’t be any different. Tell him it’s wrong, make a game plan together on how and when to fix it, and congratulations on your upcoming engagement!
Post # 6
This might work if you don’t want to tell him that you saw the ring, pull up a picture of it and tell him how much you like the way it looks or talk about wedding planning or just something along those lines. If he looked at the ring when it came in he might realize that something is wrong and send it back again. Also, there’s no reason not to tell him that you saw it since you knew what you were getting to begin with. I agree with pp that he needs to know before the engagement happens. Good luck!
Post # 7
Thank you all for the advice! He is in a weird place where he’s been shutting down any conversations I start about the ring or wedding process and lied that the new one isn’t made yet so I think he wants this part to be a surprise. I’ve even tried hinting that I hope they don’t get anything else wrong like the setting or the stone and showed him a picture of a radiant ring in a white gold setting on the company’s instagram and he was like “hey that looks just like the first one”. At this point I think maybe we can fix any issues or maybe have the stone from the first ring swapped into the new setting after the proposal, whenever it happens. I really just want to take this step forward together and I feel like another set-back would make him feel worse.
Post # 8
soooo… how did you “accidentally” see it. Because I’d imagine it be very obvious if you were about to open a ring box. Additionally… you’ve put yourself into a corner with your attempt at smooth undercover work. It will be very hard to be honest now without him rightfully questioning your previous interaction. You should have been honest that you saw it “accidentally”. Tell him it’s not right. Because how long will you wait afterwards? Also you two should be getting a major discount at this point now with all the issues.
Post # 9
What if he doesn’t propose til after the return window?
And let’s be real, you didn’t “accidentally” see it- you snooped lol
Personally I’d return it and go elsewhere. This company sucks
Post # 10
If you’re going to be able to be a happily married couple, you need to be able to work out these “setback” as a team, rather than dropping passive aggressive hints or wringing your hands about ruining a farcical surprise.
He’s spending a lot of money on this. He’ll want you to have the right ring
Post # 11
Oof, this was cringey to read. I feel for your FH and can understand his frustration. The specs of the ring are very personal and particular to you, and it seems like he agrees to meetthese expectations. However, proposing is quite the task in and of itself. I would tell him that you saw it, and it was wrong, and see if he’d be willing to let you take over to correct the issue. You can focus on getting the ring specs worked out and he can focus on the proposal aspect. I think this would be a great way to play on each of your skills to both get the desired outcome.
Post # 12
I went to use his computer and his mailbox was open to the email from the company. It had a small image of the ring in a video and as I was about to click out out of it, something about it didn’t look right. So I clicked on it, I shouldn’t have gone that far, I know that. My impulse control completely left my body and it was wrong. I saw that the stone was different in the video. I don’t normally go on his computer so it was an accident that I saw the email but not that I clicked and watched the video. I haven’t actually seen it in person.
@BuzzedBumblingBee: Oof, I didn’t think I was being passive aggressive with my hints but it could come off as such when I talk with him. I’ll try to be more self-aware about that. You’re right I really do want to work through it together, I could care less about the surprise, my SO is a bit more traditionalist about it though.
@MargaritaVille: Cringey to live it too, trust me. I’m not an overly picky person and if I knew what an ordeal this would be I wouldn’t have cared about the first being white gold; I just wanted him to get what he payed for. I’m hoping to talk with him this weekend about it further and figure out next steps.
Post # 13
I wasn’t calling you passive aggressive. Some of the advice you got from PP calls for passive aggressive behavior.
Flaunting a photo of the correct cut, gushing about how that’s the correct look, and hoping he notices the difference would be passive aggressive.
Just tell him that his email was up, you clicked on the ring video on impulse, and found out it was the wrong cut.
This is not a big deal
Definitely switch sellers if you can
Post # 14
Just a thought, maybe contact the jewelers yourself, tell them you want to be sure it’s right this time, show them two pics (the right and wrong one) ask them to double check the order. If it isn’t right, maybe they can be the ones to contact your SO and tell him they goofed. Insist they be 100% confidential, in that they cannot say you contacted them. I would also see if you can speak to them on the phone?