- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2017
My DH and I just got married about 2 weeks ago. The wedding was beautiful and amazing, and it was everything I wanted. However the following days I’ve been so down in the dumps and I can’t seem to get out. All I want to do is lay and bed and sleep. And I’ve heard of post wedding depression or post wedding blues, where you feel down after a really big high off the wedding, and let me say, THIS IS NOT THAT. I’m not depressed the wedding is over, if anything I’m glad it is.
A little background info: I do suffer from anxiety and depression and I was suffering days and weeks before the wedding. I ignored because I knew it was because of the stress of the wedding, because before we started planning the wedding I was perfectly fine and happy. The stress of the wedding planning amplified my anxiety and led to issues which in turn gave me depression for a little bit. There were days I didn’t want to go to work or talk to anyone. However with my anxiety and depression, it opened a lot of doors for issues between my then Fiance and I. At that time, I didn’t know what I was going through, why I was feeling the way I was. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and everything made sense. My then Fiance was very understanding and patient. He stuck by through it all and we made it to the wedding day. It wasn’t easy because we did call off the wedding a couple times and it was all due to my anxiety. Anxiety caused me to create problems in my head, problems that weren’t really there. This anxiety caused me to have major doubts in my DH even though I had never doubted him before. I was madly in love with him and I couldn’t wait to be married to him and wake up next to him everyday. However, the issues we had while we were engaged, did take a huge toll on my feelings for him and did bring him to a different light. However I stuck to my guns and said my anxiety is just messing with my feelings and causing me to doubt him and once the wedding was over, the stress would be gone and so would be the anxiety and depression. Well the anxiety is gone. Depression is still here.
Idk why I feel so unhappy and hopeless about our marriage. I feel the marriage has paralyzed me and idk why. I feel like I can’t do anything I want to do not because he won’t let me but because “I’m married”. I can’t go out anymore because now I have him to consider and idk why that bothers me more than it should. I knew this would be the case when we got married but I feel so down about it. I feel I may have made a mistake in getting married to young (I’m 23 and he’s 30). I feel like we sometimes see life differently and I didn’t realize this until it was too late. And now I’m stuck with a 30 year old who just wants to stay home, cuddle, watch tv, and start a family. WHICH I’VE ALWAYS WANTED but now it doesn’t appeal to me anymore. I feel like “wow, is this really life? Is this it?”
Now all of a sudden I have the urge to go out, party, drink WHICH By The Way, I’VE NEVER DONE AND HAS NEVER APPEALED TO ME. I hate alcohol, was never into partying or anything. I’ve never done any of that and now all I can think is “I will never be able to party if I wanted to” which is weird because it never bothered me before. It’s like all these things I won’t be able to do (which I’ve never even done) all of a sudden appeals to me.
I want to go out, party, travel, have adventures but I feel like being married restrains me from it. I keep thinking if I was single, I would’ve been able to do it, which isn’t true because my parents are old school traditional and would never allow me to travel alone or allow me to drink or stay out too late. That’s how I was raised. So why do I crave it all of a sudden?
so far, my DH hasn’t done anything to piss me off or turn me off since we’ve been married. I wake up to him giving me massages, he waits until I wake up to have breakfast, he doesn’t allow me to wash dishes or help around or anything. His mom lives with us, which I don’t mind at all; and she’s been nothing but helpful. She does our laundry, makes us dinner, and cleans our room for us. We of course protest to let us do it, we can do our own stuff, but she loves taking care of us. So this isn’t like “the first year is the toughest because you fight over house hold issues”. We are financially well off, have a house, bills are being paid. He’s been taking good care of me. He absolutely adores me. Won’t stop kissing me, holding me etc etc. he keeps telling me I’m his greatest blessing.
So why am I not happy? I seem to have everything I ever wanted, a house, financial stability, loving and adoring husband, and yet I’m still depressed. It’s like what more could I possibly want?
I feel that he loves me Way more than I love him. When we were engaged, it was the other way around. I loved him more than he loved me and now that we’re married, the roles have changed. I don’t feel like I’m in love with him anymore. And idk if this feeling will pass. Idk if I can be like this for the next 50-60 years. Divorce isn’t an option because in my community it’s unheard of and WE JUST GOT MARRIED.
i need some advice, did anyone else go through this? Is this just my depression messing with my feelings? Will the loving feelings come back? How do I become happy again?