(Closed) Help! Keeping everyone happy – is it worth it?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Urgh that is so awful and awkward and I’m sorry you’re going through that. If it were me I’d be hoping my Fiance would try and do something to get his mum to back off. What she did is so inappropriate and maybe she needs to hear it from him – rather than your mum or you – hopefully she might be a bit more receptive to feedback from him. And he can encourage her to apologise to you and your mum for her awful behaviour.

Post # 4
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like she wrote the letters when she was upset – people say nasty things that they don’t mean when they’re upset. I think you, your Fiance and his mom need to sit down and talk about appropriate behavior and boundaries. It’s highly unlikely that you won’t have a relationship (good or bad) with her in the future, since she’s his mom, so I would be the mature party from the start if I were you – apart from the hen night and the wedding, just to have a relationship on your own terms. 

Post # 6
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@mrsgtobee: I am so stunned by your situation that I don’t even know what to say! I’m so sorry you’re going through this – your Future Mother-In-Law certainly sounds like a … challenging person. Does your fiance agree that her actions were inappropriate? Have you ever sat down with her and your fiance and had a discussion about boundaries?

At this point, I’m not sure that it would be wise to uninvite her from your hen night, since that might just increase her venomous response. Can you task a Bridesmaid or Best Man with keeping her entertained (read: keeping her away from you)?

For the guest list – I wouldn’t budge on who you’re willing to invite. It’s one thing if you simply dislike these people but it would make Future Mother-In-Law happy to have them there. These people threw down at your engagement party! They are not welcome at your wedding – who knows what they’ll do! Blame it on budget. Blame it on space constraints. Blame it on anything at all. But stick to your guns on this one.

Post # 7
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s ironic how the happiest events seem to bring out the worst in people.

Your Future Mother-In-Law is going to be your Mother-In-Law and in your life for a very long time. I’m not saying you need to make nice with her, but considering how long you’re going to be related to her, it might be worth it to ignore the nastiness and just concentrate on the wonderful things that are going to be happening.

Remember…she is the one who raised the man you love, and someone who raised someone as wonderful as he is can’t be all bad. Emotions are high right now, so don’t withdraw her invitation to your hen night. Remember what she’s indirectly done for you, which is raise the wonderful man you love and are going to spend your life with.

Maybe she won’t show up.

Post # 9
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yikes 🙁

I’m sorry to hear she’s been so immature. What’s your FI’s take on all of it?

Post # 11
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Does she ever get nasty to your face,or is it all just through letters and messages? If it is letters an messages try (and I know this may sound crazy but bear with me) and see if you can meet with her face to face.

It sounds like she might be lending her bravery from the fact she is using messages and letters to insult you and your family. If you, your fiance and mother in law maybe meet up for a meal you can ask her outright exactly what her issues are and why she is acting that way.

She might not seem so brave if you and your fiance are showing a united front against this kind of behaviour, and letting her know that what she did was wrong and that you BOTH think that. I know it might be hard to get her to agree tot his,but perservere.

 And remember I know shes been appallingly rude and said unforgivable things,stay polite and calm,this way she has nothing to fight against.

Hope it helps and makes some kind of sense x

Post # 13
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

If they are nasty..they have no part in my wedding or anything else:). If you don’t want her around, you have every right not to have her there. It’s not worth it.

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