(Closed) Help! (long, sorry, so upset)

posted 8 years ago in Military
Post # 3
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t really know that much about being enlisted but the government tends to drag its feet quite a bit.  It took forever for my husband and his coworkers to get their PCS orders so that we could get our things moved across the country.  I hope that they get a move on soon!

I hope that ejs sees this post, she always has great advice for the military brides/wives!

Post # 4
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

it’s all worth it in the end. my dad was enlisted(not officer) for 25 years, and my fh has been in for 12.. you get used to it, kinda, it never gets really easy but you have to meet other wives who can go through it with you. hope all turns out for the best!

Post # 6
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

haha yup, I”m here =]. It’s possibly a blessing in disguise. It’s INCREDIBLY frustrating waiting for paperwork (we are STILL waiting on medical disability to go through and it’s been 6 months….he filed LAST SUMMER). The armed forces are so inefficient I wonder wtf is going on with them sometimes.

as far as it working out, ha, it definitely does not always work out. But however it DOES work out, it may be a huge surprise, but in the end, it’s probably meant to be. Not everyone LOOOOVES the military. It’s pretty crap-tastic sometimes. Darling Husband really really really hated it and is SO glad to be out. I can’t even begin to tell you how much he loathed being a captain.

And as far as dress blues go, I’ve only seen my husband in them once. In the past, oh, 6 years we’ve been together. I know what you mean, it can sound glamorous (yay supporting our troops!) but in the end, it’s anything but.You said he had a bad year in the reserves–what about the active military will make it better? What does your Fiance do in regular life? Captains make decent money, in my opinion…but it’s probably a ridiculous amount of money for some. But, it’s kind of a price tag, too =]

Plus, after OCS (which is 4 months or so), he still has BOLC to complete. And then training school. And THEN 4+ years of being in. By then, you may as well retire. What are all these amazing things that supposedly come from being in the Army? I will admit it takes a special couple to retire in the military–and thousands of people do. I just wonder if you’ve heard so many good things that you aren’t looking at the bad stuff, too.

Post # 8
2426 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@MsEucalyptus…I chuckled at the very beginning of your post about never wanting to military guy.  I was the same exact way!!!  I always always said that I would A) Never marry a guy from Utah (even though I’m mormon) and B) NEVER marry a guy in the military (because I couldn’t handle the worry/distance/etc…so, what did I do?  Married an Army dude from some podunk tiny town in Utah!  I knew him for 3 years before we started dating…kind of drug my foot on that one. lol

Anyway, I can relate to you…as can any other military wife/girlfriend/fiancee/family member…I have learned that when it comes to the military, nothing ever happens on your time…It’s always on their time! Which is incredibly frustrating.  Last week, my Darling Husband called me up and said his block leave at the end of May might not happen.  The old “pre Army wife” me would have FLIPPED OUT.  I mean, in the 4 months since we’ve been married, I’ve seen the dude 1 time…But, after so many changes and the Army moving stuff around I was like, “Oh, lame…I bet they’ll change that yet again.” lol  I couldn’t believe how calm I was about it.  I guess you just learn to adjust.

I also agree with Ejs…it may be a blessing in disguise.  While you/DH will miss the benefits and such of the Army, atleast when he’s out, you’ll never have to worry about him being deployed, dealing w/ annoying military issues, or leaving for long amounts of time training, etc.  But I can definitely understand your frustrations.  I’m worried about my DH’s transition from active duty into the Guard…

Post # 9
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oooo gotcha. SO people are just trying to pump you up. It’s easy to get caught up in that. It makes you smile to see them wear their uniforms. Mine wore his to a wedding he was in. But he also was no fun that night—you know, being in uniform and all, there are ‘rules’. What a party pooper =].

I don’t know if retirement benefits in the military are worth actually joining if you aren’t 100% on board. Plenty of companies offer excellent retirement—plus being contract specialists, my mind is already reeling with plausible possibilities. My company deals quite a bit with the military (we make their toys mkay?) and we hire contract ppl all the time to deal with the stickies of the military. But I know contract work is never 100% stable, which is where I imagine a lot of your qualms come from.

It sounds to me like you kinda sorta got talked into it, though. And you pretty much DO have to be ok with the concept of “raising your kids on your own” because if your Fiance gets deployed, well, he gets deployed. You can be angry and spiteful all you want, but he won’t be around for a solid year at least…I’m sure that throwing kids into the mix when my husband was deployed may have made me crack. I’ve always waggled a finger at him and said I didn’t sign up to be a single mom and I’d be dammed if he stayed in. Mostly b/c he promised me he wouldn’t and I didn’t want any surprise change of heart. And yeah…OCS is on-base all the time. You don’t get ‘leave’ during training necessarily. It’s a pain. I had to go visit Darling Husband because if he tried to leave on the weekends, they want to take his leave, which he already wanted to use for Christmas.

It’s frustrating. But it doesn’t sound like you really WANTED to be a military wife. And while it’s one thing to support your SO, it’s not really fair to you if you aren’t on board, too.

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