(Closed) HELP! Managing waiting with being a bridesmaid…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I feel your pain and then some. SO and I have 8 weddings to attend this year and I am in 2 of them!

I really thought we would be engaged by now, so it is frustrating to still be in the waiting stage. Also, at this point we’ve been dating longer than some of the couples were when they got engaged. 

There have definitely been some ugly moments when I ended up in tears (I blame the booze), but overall it has helped us talk about our future and create a realistic timeline. I feel better now about things because these weddings have opened more conversations for us.  My best advice is to enjoy the special day for your friend and realize that before you know it you will get partake in your own wedding excitement!

Post # 4
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Seashells7:  Yup! i hear you….i am in my sisters second wedding this march, and i was in my BFFs this past may, and im in another one in november….and it sucks and makes the jealousy rear its ugly head….and i try really hard to just lock it away…but i am lucky and have a SO who is very open to these talks now…it hasnt always been this way….but i would just say “oh the wedding was great”….but then try and focus on the couples special moment, and then move on to trying to recoup finances lost by the expenses of being in the bridal party….because holy cow can that be expensive!! (probably why i have a $300 bridesmaides dress sitting in my closet)…so just keep your chin up and know that your day will come! and its been my experience that it has spurred some of SO initiated discussions about marriage….so just try and enjoy the day….and look HAWT! that way even if your bummed you can still go “damn i look good in this”

Post # 5
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@kansas_nurse:  *Hawt* You like that don’t ya?

Post # 6
1935 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I totally feel you on this as well. My best friend is getting married in a month (eek!) and I am in the “waiting” category. I know it’s coming soon, which can sometimes make it harder, but try to just focus on the fact that someone you care about is embarking on the next stage of their life, and let that joy carry you through the day. Your turn is coming up!

Post # 7
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  HAHA yeah…heard that on the bee…and kinda like it…

Post # 8
206 posts
Helper bee

I was a bridesmaid for my best-HS friend and she knew all about me and the SO, so it helped that she didn’t make a big deal about it, she didn’t force me to stand for the bouquet or anything like that. As for the jealousy, you’ll feel it but it is one of those things you just don’t show at the wedding. When you do talk to your SO about the wedding, don’t personalize it and turn it into a conversation about your future wedding.

Post # 10
370 posts
Helper bee

Ugh I feel your pain! Although I’m not in any wedding parties I am going to 2 weddings and a bridal shower within the next month and a half and I am dreading it. I never felt such jealousy for another person until I was in the “waiting” stage. I am not proud of myself and I know I should try to be happy for others but it is really really hard. I don’t have any advice just know you arent alone *hugs*

Post # 11
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, I’ve been there in a very bad way.  When I had been with Fiance (then he was my BF) for 5 years and was dying for an engagement, my 2 best friends in the world both got engaged to SOs they had been with for a year each.  Both of them had been talking to me about planning my wedding for years, and then, just like that, we were actually planning theirs.  I was Maid/Matron of Honor in both of their weddings.  It was difficult but I dealt with the jealousy when it came up privately.  I vented to my sister a lot.  I suggest having someone you can talk to when you’re feeling frustrated/jealous (NOT your SO), and don’t ever let it show to your friend, because this is her wedding and she deserves an amazing one, which you’ll have too.

Post # 12
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I was recently a bridesmaid in a friends wedding, and about 2 months before the wedding… I became a ‘waiting’ girl due to him bringing it up. SO.

Luckily (or not) he couldn’t attend the wedding and I was SO busy bridesmaiding that it actually wasn’t that bad day of. It was seriously go go go all day.

I think it would actually be harder to just be a guest at a wedding while waiting. I haven’t done that yet though, so we’ll see.

Post # 13
699 posts
Busy bee

@Seashells7:  I was a bridesmaid last year & it was good. I thought it would get the ball rolling with my SO….not the case, i think it actually put him off because my friend who was getting married got a little snarly near the date. Bridal nerves i guess. We’ve never discussed marriage etc really since then. Been a year, no breakdown etc. I cope by knowing we’re together til we’re 90 & running around in weheel chairs. But at the same time, would love to experience the big day for myself. But, if i could go to more weddings i would. I love seeing the vows & the decorations. and, more importantly, seeing how the couple is.

Post # 14
451 posts
Helper bee

This past spring I was in two weddings, one week apart.  It did make me a little sad, but I decided to refocus my energy on looking damn good, so when my SO saw me walking down the aisle with a bouquet in hand he would think of me walking down it as his bride 😉

Post # 15
49 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m Maid/Matron of Honor for a wedding and some days I get sad, other days I’m so excited for her! It comes in waves…and whenever I’m helping with the wedding and my SO is around I make small comments (cant help it:()

Post # 16
132 posts
Blushing bee

I feel your pain! I was in my best friends wedding this past weekend. My SO and I have been living together longer than she’s known her now hubby. I had a lot of anxiety the week prior, worried i would be upset etc. i couldnt even sleep!

The wedding was actually a lot easier then I anticipated. I had a lot of fun, and instead of being jealous, at the end of the night I was happy that I still had my engagement and wedding to look forward to. For her, this exciting part of her life is over. All us waiting bees still have that to look forward to! I also used the experience to think of what I liked for my wedding and what I would change.

Hopefully you’ll have a similar experience! 

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