(Closed) Help me

posted 8 years ago in Military
Post # 3
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Try not to stress just yet about him being deployed.  It really depends on his job if and how often he will be deployed.  When I was in the Navy we had a OMBUDSMAN for the spouses of those deployed.  It was a spouse that volunteered to keep the other spouses in the loop about what was going on with deployments and was there if they needed help getting things done on the military side.  I’m sure the Army has something like that, that would offer you help.  Have him introduce you to the other spouses so you have contact with someone else going throught this that can help.  Look on the bright side, you can take this time to relearn about yourself.  Maybe him leaving for bootcamp will give you time to reexamine you lost interests or you could start a new hobby.  Try to find something to fill your time and that’ll make it go by faster.  Good Luck!!!

Post # 4
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I have had to deal with this many times. I would like to tell you that it gets easier to deal with over time, but for me it didn’t. I suggest that you have your Fiance get the information for the family support division to give to you. They offer support groups and services for wives and family while the guys/gals are away. Get involved in all of the activities that they offer. There will be other wives just like you. If you feel up to it, you can also volunteer to be on some of the committees, so you will be informed first of what is going on over there and within his unit. You will also be the source for other wives and family members to come to for information. Take advantage of all they have to offer because it will help you cope and keep you occupied while he is gone. I also suggest enrolling in some classes while he is away. Maybe some cooking or art classes; depending on your interests. Many times you can get a discount off the classes because you are military.

Post # 5
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Take a deep breath and calm down. Don’t feel bad about being upset, Fiance joined the Air Force after 3 years of us being together and seeing each other all the time and I remember having this same exact freak-out. I didnt know how I was going to keep getting out of bed in the morning and I cried for about 2 months. It’s totally normal to be very upset and emotional. My best advice is this:

1. Keep moving. Do not just lay around and mope. Stick to a routine and go out and do things. This is the best thing you can do for yourself. I dont think I would have made it through BMT if I had just given in to my depression.

2. It really helped me to keep a countdown. You can do it any way you like. While he was in basic, I made a paper chain and tore a ring off every day. It made me feel better to see physical proof that the days were passing and I was getting closer to seeing him again.

3. Write lots and lots of letters. It sounds strange, but do it. It will help both of you. He will love to get any letters from you, because that is the primary way you will get to contact him after he leaves. I wrote really long ones almost every day. I think some of them were just like, stream of consciousness. I didnt even know what I was saying, I just wrote what I was feeling, song lyrics I had heard, poems or quotes that reminded me of him. It gave me a way to sort out my feelings. If you dont like letters, you could keep a journal too.

4. Remember that everything is going to be fine. This is the main thing. Things WILL be okay.

Being a military wife isn’t any one thing. I wouldn’t say it requires bravery, just incredible patience. I am not brave or very strong, but I’m making it through alright. So can you, girl. 

There are several awesome support communities that could really help you. My favorite is The Homefront Life http://thehomefrontlife.com/forums/index.php?/index It’s run by all military wives, GFs and FIs. They are very supportive, wonderful people. They are of all ages and stages of life, some of them are even retired military themselves. The site has wonderful information. The site that this one spawned from is the one that I joined when my Fiance left.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk about anything.

Post # 6
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

The army has whats called family support groups… i think it would be great for you to get involved in the one at your husbands unit! they can be very helpful and it surrounds you with people who can relate to you. they can answer all your questions and help put your mind at ease 🙂 dont stress yet! you will make it through this and be all the stronger!

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