Help me battle my MIL!!!!

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

Honestly for the sake of your happiness and marriage I would forgive and forget. I know it’s easier said than done…I know resentments build up but something like this doesn’t sound worth fighting over.

Post # 3
Member
6441 posts
Bee Keeper

Honestly that sounds a lot better than what it could be.  I thought it was going to be worse.  She sounds like she threw a temper tantrum.  The problem is your husband believing her instead of you.  Make sure your husband is on your side.

Post # 4
Member
6097 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m just going to point out that  you are annoyed at your Mother-In-Law for something she did almost two months ago (in which she told her son she’d been upset about some perceived slight that had happened to her 6 months prior).

It seems like there’s a lot of grudge holding going on and your husband being in the middle of things. He needs to mind his own business and stop being the intermediary for the two of you. Let her know- in a kind and respectful tone- that you’ll get back to her but that you cannot respond to every message she sends you. Create boundaries around your life and enforce them consistently. One of them being, your husband needs to have your back and stop going back and forth about who said what to him.

Also- girl! You are in a marriage. NOT a war. You don’t need help battling your mother in law. You need support in navigating your relationship with the woman who gave your husband LIFE in a way that is healthy and positive for all involved. Don’t make this a battle. You will lose. I promise you.

Post # 5
Member
6369 posts
Bee Keeper

Yeah you have entirely the wrong attitude here. It shouldn’t be a battle with your ILs. You say “Sometimes I think she gets jealous because she has two sons and they don’t typically spend as much time as daughters do with their moms. I️m close with my mom.” IMO you should not be spending more time with one side of the family than the other, you need to make time for BOTH sides. It is a totally gross double standard that women are allowed to be close with their moms and spend more time vs men and their moms. I agree with the forgive and forget, and try to be more gracious with your ILs.

Post # 6
Member
7669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

cinnamon2 :  I’d stop holding a grudge and just try to talk it through with her. You do NOT have to be best friends with your Mother-In-Law, but you should make an effort to be polite. Just tell her “sorry I’m not really a big texter” so that she gets the hint. Because yes – when you have kids she will want to be even more involved in your life. I like my Mother-In-Law but when I was pregnant she started talking about sleeping over our house and all this crap to see the baby more and I politely put the kibosh on it. They live within driving distance and had only been to our house a handful of times over the years – we weren’t about to start having weekly slumber parties. Set boundaries and try to be kind. 

Post # 7
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

jellybellynelly :  I took that to mean OP would spend time with her mom without her husband? I see my mom like 5X more than my Mother-In-Law because she is my mom…we go shopping, have lunch ect.  I like my Mother-In-Law but I just met her like 8 years ago, she didn’t raise me lol

While they should spend time together with both sides equally, if Mother-In-Law feels like she wants more time with her kids, she should addres…her son. not DIL. ( unless DIL is forbidding him from seeing her)

I also think it was wrong of Darling Husband to jump down OPs throat about something OPs mom may or may not have done. 

I see both sides. seems like Mother-In-Law wants more of a mom/daughter relationship with OP and OP isn’t super interested ( as her right) 

Also OP- do try to text her back, its kind of rude to ignore her. Set boundaries but you don’t need to ignore her. And try to let the Christmas stuff go, its February!

 

Post # 9
Member
4481 posts
Honey bee

Offense is in the perception, not the intent.  Just because you did not perceive something to be offensive or because you feel you can attest to your mother’s intent that she didn’t mean to be offensive doesn’t mean someone else can’t perceive it differently.  People perceive things through a lens of their own beliefs and experiences and it doesn’t make someone else’s perception less valid.

It honestly sounds like everyone in this story (including you) needs to learn a bit more about communication and empathy.  There seems to be a whole lot of side-taking and me vs. You or mom vs. Mother-In-Law factions and a major case of shitty attitude happening here.

Post # 10
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I don’t think this one instance sounds that bad but it depends on if this is one of many instances. It sounds to me like she has the potential to be a nightmare so I’d set up some boundaries. Keep on not answering all her texts if she’s being obnoxious about the number of them.

And get your Darling Husband on your side!! This sounds almost more like a husband problem than a Mother-In-Law problem. There should never be throat-jumping because he heard his mom’s side of a story without talking to you first. Esp in this instance because even if your mom had acted poorly, that’s not your fault.

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