(Closed) Help me be flexible, Bees!

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ask yourself what is the most important thing about your wedding day… is it making sure everything is perfectly matched and runs smoothly, or is it that you are marrying the love of your life?  Is this a hill you want to die on, or can you appreciate that he actually has an opinion & cares what he will be wearing?  I don’t give a hoot if my Fiance & his Groomsmen wear flip flops or if their ties all match.  His one and only request throughout this wedding planning thing was to have candy bowl centerpieces.  I was like o.O but ok, whatevs… it’s his wedding too!

Post # 5
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My fiance & I disagree about how him/his groomsmen should dress, so I feel you. How I’ve handled this is finding lots of options of things I like and that match with the rest of the wedding, and letting him make the decisions from those. I want him to be happy & comfortable on our wedding day, not resenting me for forcing him to wear something he doesn’t like. At the same time, he doesn’t have a specific vision of what the wedding will look like, and I do. So, this is what’s worked best for us. We’re both happy with the outcome, and fight free πŸ™‚

ETA: We also went shopping for him to try things on, and I followed the same pattern. I picked some things I liked, he tried them on, and we went from there.

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Fiance & the guys are wearing a dark suit they already own, a light blue shirt and a blue tie.  Fiance took care of that all, as long as they used blue somehow i really didn’t care.  I don’t really like the plain white shirt, it reminds me of what guys wore that went to private school.  I thint that the blue shirt will help tie the blue all together.

If you’re planing everything else, I’m sure he can handle what him and the guys will wear. Pick your battles.

Post # 7
Member
9884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

My opinion is that you care much more about what kind of shirt he should wear than he does, so in this instance I don’t see why he shouldn’t comply with your request.  I loved your comment about him looking like he’s heading to a business meeting, lol.  Personally, I would hate it if Fiance wore anything but a white shirt to ours, so I’m completely with you on that one.

Post # 8
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ms.GoodEarth:  Well, we’re having a big-ish wedding, so we’ll need 25 tables!  It will end up being a variety of candy, and I even got him to make the concession that we have to have some trail mix since some of our friends are what I call “crunchy” πŸ˜›

Post # 9
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Have you asked him for feedback at all before this?  Honestly, while I know my Fiance doesn’t really care about anything apart from food, booze, and music, I try to run things by him anyway, just so he knows what’s going on.  If he’s really adamant, let him do what he wants.

Post # 11
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

He’s at a wedding. He’ll be standing next to a lady in a white dress. I don’t think anyone will be confused as to whether he got lost on the way to a business meeting. πŸ˜‰

But in all seriousness, he wants to look good at his wedding too. I think the light blue would look fine. Maybe you two can work together to find a shade that works with the other colors.

Post # 12
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I guess I look at it this way:  I got to choose my dress on my own without his input (granted he wanted it that way so he’d be surprised on the day of), so my husband got to choose what he wanted to wear.  

Personally I’d let him wear what he’d prefer.  He’ll be happier and more comfortable day of that way.  And light blue should go just fine with the cobalt blue.  We had varying shades of blue from light blue to cobalt at my wedding and it all looked great together.  πŸ™‚  

Post # 13
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Let him wear what he wants.

Post # 13
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Thoughts? Am I being crazy? Or does wearing a suit he wore to a med school interview, a blue shirt, and tie seem like he’s going to a business meeting, not his wedding?

I don’t think you’re being crazy at all, but I think the way you went about it was not the best (and you acknowledged this). If he is already feeling like he doesn’t have enough input, it didn’t help at all that the way you shot his idea down was kind of sarcastic/condescending. I know you said it in the heat of the moment, but I think that’s probably why he isn’t happy.

I’d probably buy him a little gift and a card, apologize for being a little rude and more calmly explain that you think a white shirt would fit better with the formality level/color scheme of the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I completely understand what you’re going through. My Fiance wanted a tux and bow tie, which I liked. But he also wanted to wear a black vest (I really do no like that bowtie/vest combo). I tried to convince him otherwise. Anytime I saw someone in a magazine or on TV with a bowtie and NO vest, I would point it out and say “See how much better it looks?!” He eventually got really annoyed, I don’t blame him, and I just let it drop.  But your comment about looking at the pictures and being annoyed…I’m still a little worried about that! I made Fiance promise to take off the vest for a few photos.

Post # 14
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You obviously have blue in your wedding, what would be so bad about him wearing what he wants?

This is a wedding for two people, and he already said he didn’t like white shirts and what he specifically wanted.  He should be able to wear what he wants, especially because it’s in line with your wedding scheme.

 

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