posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First, try and breathe. Getting upset and trading blows with this woman is not going to help anything. I’m sorry that she’s awful to you, it sounds like she hates the decisions she’s made in life and is having a difficult time laying in the bed she made.

My Fiance has an ex wife who is difficult at times. As maddening as this whole thing is, if there are children involved, I am a firm believer in putting the kids first. When you become a step mother there are a lot of things you need to let go of for the sake of the children. Kids aren’t stupid, especially kids that are 9 years old, they know that there is conflict.

I know it sucks, and it’s unfair, but if you egg her on by trading insults you’re both in the wrong. The best thing to do would be to ignore her comments. Be the bigger person, expressing your extreme dislike for her will only make your relationship more strained and that makes it harder on you, your Fiance, and step children. There’s a site I go to sometimes when I need to deal, it’s: steptalk.org 

If you’re having problems with her at your house maybe you should arrange that Fiance picks the kids up at her house and drop them off. That way you eliminate her ability to come into your house.

Lastly, I would get her tickets to the show. Honestly, it won’t kill you to have her there, she is their mom, they might want her there too. It’s better to lose this one then punish the kids by not letting them attend their recital because they’re mom won’t let them go. I know that’s not what you want to hear, sorry.

Good Luck


Post # 4
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with PP.  Letting her go to the recital will show the kids how much you care about THEM, and how you are the more considerate one (you make it possible for them to do things because you pay for them, and you are generous and openminded).  I feel bad for you though.  It has to be infuriating to even be near that woman.  But, any time you feel sooo completely pissed, just think in your head “ha ha b—-, I am with him because I am the better woman.”  It might be a childish thought, but sometimes its just enough to get you past the anger and feel the pride that you get to share your life with your wonderful husband.  And I’m sure he’ll respect you even more for it.  Maybe after contact with her, go to somewhere compltely alone and private and pretend cuss her out the way you wish you could to her face.  That way you let out the steam, but no one hears it, and she wont retaliate or you wont cause problems with your husband or the kids.  Or come on here and do as you did— 🙂  good luck!!!

Post # 5
1139 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with pp. I know how frustrating all this can be but imagine it from the kids point of view. They really NEED you to be the bigger person and put them ahead of your anger toward her. They have three adults arguing over and around them. You have the power to cut that to one. And one person can’t argue by themselves. I realize she can still be nasty but this situation sounds toxic for the kids. give THEIR mom the tickets, they will want their mom to see them dance after their hard work. You don’t have to sit together. Seriously take the lead in this, you sound like you care about these kids. It’s another opportunity to show it.

Post # 6
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know the parental thing is frustrating & money and yadda yadda, but blocking the mother from the recital over money is hurting the children.  She absolutely should be allowed to come.  This anger & resentment ya’ll all have against each other needs to be rectified ASAP.  Maybe your Fiance & his ex can go to some sort of counseling or classes on how to be divorced.  No matter how shitty things get between you all, you can’t let it affect the children.

Post # 7
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with the other posters. No matter how frustrating she is, refusing to allow her to go to the recital because she doesn’t pay for dance classes is beyond petty. She may have started it, but you and your Fiance are continuing it by playing along with her.

Sometimes, along with children, a crazy ex is part of the package. You must learn productive ways to deal with her, otherwise the girls will ultimately be the ones who suffer.

Post # 8
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Kill her with kindness. (that probably will really get under her skin!!!!) by doing so, and always having a smile on your face about it, you are giving your new daughters a GREAT example of how to be a classy woman. Let their mom show them how to be trashy! In time, the girls will see their mom for who she really is. And they will see how much you love them for putting up with it. What a crappy manipulative thing for her to do by keeping the girls home for a recital! My next step would be to get more custody rights! So sorry you are dealing with this!

Post # 9
47389 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do not stoop to her level. Kids will eventually grow up and they will know who has been there for them and who hasn’t.

Never talk down their mother in front of them and do not resort to petty behavior such as refusing her tickets to the recital.

Every decision about the children should be made with the criteria “What’s best for the children?” uppermost.

The ultimate victory for you will be living a happy life, helping to raise great kids, and seeing their mother stew in her sea of resentment.

Post # 10
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I feel for those kids….I really do…. my parents went through a nasty divorce where people were bashing each other in front of me. I would be lieing to say that it did not have some effect on me…

The topic ‘HELP ME BEFORE I STRANGLE HIS EX!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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