Post # 1
OK. I know this is really bad but I cannot decide on my last bridesmaid.
So we are having four bridesmaids and four groomsmen.
I have choosen 3 and asked them. I need to ask one more.
I need to decide on my last one which i cant seem to narrow down.
Option 1 – Cousin
- We used to be very close
- I was maid of honor at her wedding 3 years ago
- She left my engagement early (like 9.00 when it finished at 12). She seems to unknowingly do similar things to this. Kind of worries about herself only.
- Her husband suffers social anxiety and i get worried she would leave my wedding too or feel unconfortable with him on his own.
- We grew up together
- Used to play as kids together.
- I know she will be in my life but dont know how close we will be.
- She would fit into the bridal group because my other cousions are in there.
Option 2 – University Friend.
- I have a few close university friends. Two live overseas and one here so its easier to choose the one here.
- We dont tell eachother absolutely everything
- She is a good friend but doesnt go out of her way for me.
- She can be fun and out of my other friends should fit into the bridal group.
- She doesnt have kids
- She seems to know whats going on more in my life then my cousion in this point in time.
There is no one else I would ask. Having 4 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaid is not an option. Only having 3 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids also not an option.
Please help. Constructive Help. Anybody have the same issue?
Post # 2
Are your other bridesmaids friends or cousins? I think that even though it’s your special day, avoiding excluding only one person from a certain group (i.e., friend group or cousins) is probably best long term.
Post # 3
Why is it not an option?
Have the people you love and want to be with you stand up there. No one cares about uneven numbers.
If you truly must have exactly four bridesmaids, then I think you need to stop focusing on external factors like who has kids or whose husband has anxiety. When you think about looking back on your photos in 5 or 10 years, who do you want to see beside you?
Post # 4
Cousin, hands down.
You were her Maid/Matron of Honor. To not put your Maid/Matron of Honor even in a party of 4 is a bit of a slap in the face, in my opinion. I’d say leaving your engagement party at 9pm is a pretty minor offence. (Maybe I’m getting old, but midnight is a pretty late finish for an engagement party). I doubt she’d leave your wedding significantly early. Her husband will know other people there (and anyway, she can sit with her husband after the formalities). And she’ll always be in your life.
Fitting into the bridal party group is irrelevant because they don’t need to do much together.
Post # 5
Thanks for your comments and for not being too harsh with your responses. I already feel bad about the situation and that i honestly feel like this. I am just trying to find whats in my heart and be honest with myself and it helps to let it out here.
Uneven numbers wont be done as my fiance is completly against the idea and would prefer to leave his brother out. He has already asked the other 3 so that would be the only option. I cant think to leave his brother out so this is not an option for us. He would be completly crushed.
I know i am a really sensitive person therefore any minor offenence is a major deal to me. I am trying to put fear aside when picking who i am forecasting to be in my life.
We had an engagement party the week after mine in which she was totally smashed and taking photos etc, this crushed me because i would have loved her to be this happy for me also. My friends and rest of the family partied until late so its not like the mood of the party was boring or off.
Its only logical i guess to pick my cousion and its true i love her no matter what i guess.
Post # 6
Pick your cousin for sure, she’ll always been your cousin and you were her Maid/Matron of Honor.
As for leaving the party, let it go. You don’t know why she left early, she could have had a migraine, the runs, a bad week at work and felt like shit. You don’t get to dictate to other adults how long to stay/how much fun to have at a party and she probably didn’t want to burden you with whatever the reason was.
Ask you last Bridesmaid or Best Man and stop stressing! Enjoy yourself!