Post # 1
Hi ladies! I am having some trouble planning my honeymoon, and we are now getting very close to the wedding!! The big issue is that my fiance is hesitant to spend a lot of money on a honeymoon (I had thought of a budget of about $3000-$3500). He is just not the type of person to spend money on things (which is good for us in the long run!), and it sounds like a lot of money to him. AND he is currently unemployed – obviously this is the main issue. We have enough money from my job to support us and save some, and we have money saved up from before, so we are not living paycheck to paycheck – I think the bigger issue is that he is very insecure about spending money on himself when he isn’t bringing any in.
I totally understand his concerns, and I don’t want him to be uncomfortable and worrying about money while we are on our honeymoon. But I also think that it is okay to slurge on the honeymoon! We are very lucky in that we have no debt and my parents are generously paying for the wedding – we would pay for the honeymoon in cash and still have quite a bit in savings. And I know this is gauche, but we have a very small registry so I am expecting to get a fair amount in cash gifts at the wedding. I floated the idea of doing a small weekend away instead (and maybe a larger trip in the future), but he thinks that is lame, and I think it would make him feel even worse to go on a small honeymoon – his (irrational) thinking being that he doesn’t want to disappoint me and if we just don’t go anywhere we could still make some other trip our “honeymoon” and he won’t feel that we missed out on it.
I don’t know what to do! I really want to go on a honeymoon, and I don’t think the budget we have is too much given our current financial situation. But I also want him to enjoy it and not be worrying or insecure!! He said that he thinks we will regret it if we don’t go on a honeymoon, and I agree. But that’s still not enough to make him comfortable with the idea. Do you ladies have any suggestions for how we can resolve this?
Post # 2
Girl, remind your man what a honeymoon is for! Tell him you want to spend some time with him parading around in a smoking hot bikini, sipping margaritas in the sun on a gorgeous white beach in Aruba, and having sex on every surface imaginable!! YES you will regret it if you skip the honeymoon!!
Post # 3
Neither one of you is wrong. You both have valid points. Time to Compromise. You accept that he places a high priority on contributing financially and agree to delay the honeymoon, and he accepts that you place a high priority on having a honeymoon and agrees to planning a trip 6 months after he has a proper job.
Post # 4
des- : YES!!! +100000000000
Post # 5
You cant redo the high of being just married. Its a once in a life time thing and you definitely will regret skipping it! Save the amount in cash yourself and book it! Even if its local-ish and inexpensive.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre
Do something inexpensive and local take a week off work and just spend time together
Post # 7
You want to splurge. He is worried about money as he is unemployed.
Like many other things you will have to deal with in your marriage, the two of you will have to find a compromise that works for both of you. You don’t get to splurge. He doesn’t get to say no honeymoon.
You can have sex on every surface possible in an inexpensive cabin or cottage you rent off season in a holiday area near where you live or where you are getting married. You don’t need to go to Aruba for that.
If something coxy and private is not your thing, you could book 2 or 3 nights in a higher end hotel or AirBnB.
Find something that works for both of you.
Post # 9
julies1949 : Aww c’mon now julies I’m selling the fantasy here!! But you’re totally right, it definitely doesn’t have to be anything expensive.
OP, just scale back on what you planned to spend. And then go enjoy yourselves!!!
Post # 10
Did you all miss the part where she said she already floated the low key minimoon by him and he says no to that? There is some preaching to the choir here.
Sparklesakways is correct. You can’t redo the high of just being married, it’s a once in a lifetime trip. I too, would just book it. Obviously keeping his concerns in mind with your choosings.
Post # 11
I doubt that anyone missed ‘the part where she said she already floated the low key minimoon by him and he says no to that”.
I think talking about it and coming to a compromise is infinitely better for a relationship than completely ignoring his concerns and booking a honeymoon on her own. That is a surefire way for him to feel that his feelings have been completely ignored.
Just because they haven’t been able to compromise so far, doesn’t mean they can’t at some point come to a decision they are both ok with.
Post # 12
My situation is different but I have recently spent time convincing Darling Husband to book a belated honeymoon, 6 months after our wedding. He doesn’t see the point but I reallllly want a week on a beach in Mexico. Through lots of compromise we have seemed to come to an agreement. Would your Fiance be more comfortable with delaying the honeymoon? Or doing a shorter one (4-5 days)? Or something more local? That way you can still get something similar to what you had in mind but maybe for less $$$. He might take some time to come around but I would hope he will meet you in the middle 🙂
Post # 13
julies1949 : I think by booking a lower key/shorter/closer/etc. honeymoon she IS compromising.
I also think her not getting a honeymoon at all could be just as or more damaging to their relationship. Compromise is a two player game. She has already made concessions, he has not. And you only get a shot at a honeymoon once, if you’re lucky anyway.
Anyhow it is simple to book the flexible rate. I assume at some point she will run out of time to be able to devote to this task before the wedding. Better to just get something on the books now even if you end up having to cancel because your Darling Husband never did do his part and compromise.
And sometimes a woman just knows best. I think this is one of those times.
Post # 14
He can still have the big honeymoon in the future even if you have a minimoon right after your wedding. If your finances are good, you can call it an investment towards the health of your new marriage. Plus, a little R&R might improve his job prospects?
Post # 15
I’d do a “minimoon” (weekend away, within driving distance) and plan your “honeymoon” as a one-year anniversary trip. Hopefully by then he’ll have a job and feel more comfortable with the big trip!