Post # 16
passthepeas : You’re right. She has shown that she is willing to be flexible. But, by defintiion , a compromise is something the two of them agree on by both of them shifting their positions.
an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
I can’t understand how anyone would think that her ignoring his wishes and booking something without his agreement would be a good thing. It would be different, in other circumstances, if they hadn’t discussed it and she booked them a surprise vacation. But they have discussed it and she knows how he feels. The two of them need to keep talking until they can agree on something, and yes, that does mean he needs to give a little too.
How would you feel if you and your partner discussed buying a new vehicle. He wants a new $50,000 truck and your position is that you can’t afford any new vehicle. He goes out and buys a $30,000 car. Would you be happy with the compromise?
Post # 17
Thanks all for your input!
I would never ever book something without him! It is a preference decision as well as a financial one (we should decide together where we’re going and staying!) and I would never make either alone, unless it was a gift to him.
I am going to talk to him about it again tonight. I don’t want to push him, but I get the sense that he will regret it as much or more than I will if we don’t do something special after the wedding – he’s said as much. Sometimes when he’s feeling bad, he puts off decisions that he knows he should make, and I’ve helped him with that in the past.
I’m worried that if we delay without any concrete plan to go somewhere in the future, we’ll never end up going. It will be easy to continue to say that we should save that money for a house and not spend it on a vacation. It might actually get harder to go somewhere, because I think he feels a honeymoon is a little more justified than a regular vacation.
I think we can find a compromise that he will feel okay about – I don’t need anything extravagent, but I do think we will both be happier if we do something out of the ordinary for us. He’s not the type to spend money on himself, so any kind of vacation no matter how small will be a little weird for him, but we both know we will enjoy it once we’re there! I like the idea of framing it as an investment in our marriage as it begins, but we’re really quite solid so I don’t think he’ll find that too convincing (a good problem to have!).
Post # 18
We didn’t go on one, and I regret it. I hope the two of you are able to come to a compromise! 🙂
Post # 19
wedo016 : All you need to say is this: after months (sometimes years?) of planning… a honeymoon is just you and him …and all the time in the world!
Post # 20
You deserve a damn honeymoon! If he’s so concerned about money he could always get a job of some kind. Even a part time job…
Post # 21
I don’t understand why you have to spend 3500 to have a romantic honeymoon. Is there a number he’s comfortable spending? Can you do a domestic destination within driving distance? There’s got to be a compromise between mini moon and splurging on a beach honeymoon. Agree with PP that you will want a week or so together on the “just married” high but I’m sure you could have a very romantic honeymoon for 1500. Bed and breakfasts, lakeside cabins, tours in wine country are all romantic and relaxing.
Post # 22
Just thought I’d give you an update! I didn’t say anything to my fiance about the honeymoon for almost two weeks, just trying to leave it be (I know it doesn’t seem like that long but it was killing me that we were getting closer and closer and prices might be going up). I finally mentioned it yesterday, and we ended up booking our honeymoon!! We’re going for almost five days to Hawaii, which was our original plan since we got engaged. It’s a bit shorter than I would ideally like, but it is going to be fabulous!
I am so glad I brought it up with him again. He admitted that he would feel terrible if we missed out on a honeymoon because he was upset that he’s unemployed. He’s worried about not being able to enjoy the honeymoon, but he did say he’d feel much better if we got money in gifts for the wedding that we could use for the honeymoon. I know it’s uncouth to expect gifts, but we have a fairly small registry and I know at least the people in my family like to give cash gifts.
I’m very happy with how it turned out! Now that we have booked the flights and hotel, everything else can wait until we see how we feel about money when the time comes – i.e. if we want a fancy dinner one night or drinks on the beach or to do any excursions. Mostly we want to lie on the beach and do a hike or two, so that will be free.
Thanks for your support ladies! I think we’ll both be happy with this solution and I can’t wait to spend that time with him.
Post # 23
wedo016 : Congrats! I’m glad you got the honeymoon you wanted, even if a bit shorter 🙂
Post # 24
You two need to compromise. You can have a great honeymoon for half that amount, he’s right to be cautious with money. Or have a mini moon (have a day trip or vacation nearby) and save for a dream vacation, maybe for your 1 year anniversary
WHOOPS just saw the update. Awesome!
Post # 25
Good luck convincing him! Traveling isn’t a priority for my husband and he didn’t want to spend money on a honeymoon either. We only went on a mini moon because my parents gave us a little trip (the hotel) as part of our wedding gift. We could have afforded a real honeymoon but after a year and a half, it looks like that is never happening 🙁 Hopefully your fiancé will compromise in some way because not going on a honeymoon still bothers me…at least go on a mini moon.