(Closed) Help me deal with an absent-minded FI!

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

To follow up with what PPs had said about lists and notes, Knock Knock has some awesome organizational notepads and stickies (and some funny ones too)! Here are some to check out! To Do Notepad, To Do Stickies, Note To Self Notepad, Note To Self Sticky, Things To Do Around The House Notepad, All Out Of Notepad, All Out of Stickies, Nag Note Stickies and Don’t Forget To Stickies.

They’re a bit pricey, but may be worth it if they help you keep your sanity. Or they may be good guidelines for drawing up your own reminder lists! πŸ™‚

Post # 18
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Darling Husband has had 13 concussions. He has no memory. He came from living with his parents to living with me so he never needed to remember to do things by himself. I literally have to text him reminders and call him throughout the day to make sure everything gets done. Some people are just like that, like you said it’s not being lazy it’s just being absent-minded. I’m confused that he remembered to feed the cat but not give it water though… aren’t the bowls semi-close to one another? It’s hard to fill one and not the other.

Post # 19
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t have any advice or suggestions.  I just wanted to sympathize with you because I go through the same thing with J.  It drives me up a wall.  The most recent thing that has been bothering me is that I wanted him to return clothes that he bought for me.  They didn’t fit correctly and I figured there’s no reason to pay for clothes I’m not going to wear.  Well, he had until yesterday and they are still in the bag in our closet.  Sigh…

Post # 21
Member
14970 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Not sure about the cat or other things but for laundry, get him to start setting a timer when the throws in a wash.  Fiance used to do that when he was in his apt and had to use a laundry mat down the street (more cause he’d lose track of time rather than forget it, but your Fiance could do the same), toss it in, set alarm, go back to apt.. alarm goes off, go back and put it in the dryer, set alarm again… alarm goes off, go back and get dry clothes.  Anything that requires a timed action, get him to start setting an alarm on his phone or something to remind him to go back to it.

Post # 22
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@TinyTina: um, haha do we have the same husband? haha, no but seriously, I could have written this post, right down to the smelly clothes forgotten in the dryer and the cats with no water.

We had a huge fight about his lack of attentiveness this weekend. He finally said, look, if you need me to do something, just write it down, I’ll get it done, otherwise I can’t promise anything.

While I am annoyed at the fact that he expects me to “remind” him of simple household chores, I have to chalk it up to the fact that he seriously doesn’t do it on purpose and that him doing the chores with my list is better than him not doing the chores at all (or all the way through! in the case of laundry! haha)

We have a dry erase board by the front door, when I need him to do stuff, I write it there. I have to be VERY specific. Water for cats, food for cats, not just cats. The laundry thing? I dunno, still haven’t solved that one, he did it again yesterday in fact πŸ™‚ ahh men. 

Post # 23
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow I havent been livivng with my Fi until next week the sixth so…I am a praying that this wont be the luck of us, but I think from previous tasks he is always on top of things and loves his to do list so I am so very really extremely super grateful times infinity that neither of us are this way or this extreme. I know that I tend to be at times like I missed my first B.C. appt. today:( and felt irresponsible and still do. But little things here and there I can do but I do make kistakes and although I wont forget laundry or mail or feeding the rabit it might be one of those days where when one things goes undone evrything else just comes a tumbling down. Its the way the cookie crumbles but I agree that its not adhd and we shouldnt bbe pushing you to tell you that it maybe some disease(adhd/add) when it really isnt folks. C’mon I’m sorry but evrytime something is wrong for someone  all the sudden meds are mentioned..I am 100% sure that the BIG pharm companies would LOVE to have your husband on meds…whether he needs them or NOT! B/c if a person really believes something is wrong the BIG PHARMS will support it. Evaluate, medicate, vacate, and mandate  $$$ I am not saying you should ignore symptoms by all means no…but I think if he maybe started working out and  like getting more physical activities that over exxert the heart for 20 minutes a day every day, I am 10000% sure he will remeber better…with the help of , you guessed it, sticki notes TOO:)  MUCH LOVE!!!!

Post # 24
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

@TinyTina: Be happy he even attempted to do laundry πŸ™‚

Post # 25
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Reign14: ROFLMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD FTW

Post # 26
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly this post could have been written by me. My SO is VERY absent minded and will sometimes forget what he’s talking about halfway through a sentence! He can also easily forget basic things like brushing his teeth, or forget to eat until he’s starving.

Agree completely with Neva though, my SO has ADD and that’s a symptom of it. He is always very apologetic about forgetting things, but it’s just an unfortunate thing that we have to live with and cope with as best we can. He’s very ‘tunnel visioned’ so if he is actually focussing on something, everything else will be out of his mind.

I’m the first to admit that it’s frustrating sometimes, but he is the love of my life and it’s not deliberate, but something that he’s trying to improve, so how can I fault him on it? My frustration stems from me being baffled at how terrible his memory can be and I know if he has a day off and I want him to pay a bill so I have to email him about 5 times before he’ll do it… But to be perfectly honest, I simply can’t lash out at him for something that isn’t his fault that he is already trying to fix. I would feel like a horrible person… I just try to imagine that the roles are reversed, if he lashed out at a failing of mine that isn’t my fault, that I’m trying to fix…

We’re just lucky that I’m blessed with a ridiculous memory and basically never forget anything. Ever. I’ve accepted that we’re both completely opposite with this, and I’ll remind him about things he needs to do as often as he needs reminding.

My advice? Lists! And post-it notes! I keep a thing of post-its and a pen nearby most of the time because for him to remember something, the words need to be right in front of him.

Post # 27
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Just a reminder to be careful about any medical advice received from a forum πŸ™‚

Post # 28
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

AHH!  I can totally relate to this.  My boyfriend has ADD really, really terribly and never takes his medicine because it makes him like a zombie.  We have a sticky note system.  “TURN OFF OVEN” is the biggest one because he always forgets.  The sticky notes worked for a while but not anymore because he’s so used to seeing them.  He always forgets to turn off the AC or the lights too, and I always have to remind him.

Nagging works in our relationship too.  He knows he’s forgetful and even though it’s something I’ve known for forever and don’t have much control over, it still does get frustrating.  I know I’ll leave for work or school and just say, “Oh, by the way, could you please take out some chicken for dinner?”  And then it doesn’t happen because he literally can’t think about more than one thing at a time.  I could write it down for him, but sometimes you think of things last minute.

I’m going to check out that app you wrote about and suggest to him.  If you come up with any brilliant solutions for your guy, PLEASE let me know!

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