(Closed) Help me decide whether or not to change my name

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
4037 posts
Honey bee

I didn’t change my name. We’ll be celebrating our 38th anniversary, in a few months. I never saw any reason/sense to do it. Our children were given hyphenated names. My husband’s brother and his wife did the same thing. Of course, my mother in law still addresses my birthday card to a mythical hyphenated name ….

Post # 3
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I hyphenated my name for a lot of the reasons you described here (unique name, family signifigance, etc) I wish I had known this was an option at the time, but my suggestion is to keep your maiden name as a second middle, that way you can continue to use it professionally, but when you want to be Mrs. John Smith, you can be.  

Post # 4
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

my mom gave me a hyphenated last name with her maiden name and my father’s last name and then called off their engagement not long after I was born so I’m stuck with a last name no one else in my family has and everyone thinks I’m married already. Can’t wait to get rid of my father’s last name and take my fiance’s!!! Would get rid of both but my moms maiden name is a second middle name and I don’t want to go through everything it would take to get that removed so I’ll probably just not use it as much anymore. 

Post # 5
2176 posts
Buzzing bee

I can’t wait to change my last name. Just have to get the douments in order to make it official. My maiden name is difficult to say and spell and my husbands last name is very cute and my name will be so awesome and short once its complete. There is no hesitation in my mind. 

Post # 7
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Beeyond:  a Couple of ladies at my work kept their maiden names on their work email/business cards etc for professional use but did change names legally for everything else. Could this be an option? Xx

Post # 8
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

A lot of your considerations are about pleasing others. I would try not to worry about that. It’s your name, you need to be 100% on board with it.

I didn’t change my name because I didn’t really see a reason to. Why go through the trouble if Darling Husband and I didn’t have strong feelings about it? We’re still a family and I’m not worried about what other people think about it. In a lot of cultures women don’t change their name so don’t feel pressured to give into (or go against) the “norm.”

Post # 9
267 posts
Helper bee

I like juliette.eliza:‘s suggestion! From your post, you seem to want to change your name. I also just wanted to add that in my opinion, part of feminism is for women to have the freedom to choose what they want to do without having to comply with some rule set by society. I think someone looking down on someone else for not changing her name after marriage goes against that idea and therefore is NOT feminism. Just my perspective though! I’ve been kind of flip flopping myself about whether I want to change my name but I think I probably will. I like the idea of everyone in my family having the same last name and I don’t want to have a different last name than my kids.

Post # 10
5092 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m coming to say more or less what AlwaysSunny just said – you should do what you want, and what feels right to you. I didn’t change my name; doing so would have felt totally wrong to me. And it pisses me off when people pressure women to change their names to assuage men’s delicate egos or for the sake of “tradition.”

But that’s not what’s happening here! You want to change your name, you have your own reasons for doing so, and the only reasons you’re hesitating are to please other people. So you should go with what feels right to YOU, and your family will just have to deal.

Post # 12
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I was on the fence about changing my name up until our wedding day! The day after we got married, I started the process and even though it’s been a huge pain in the ass, I’m happy with my decison. I thought I had an attachment to my maiden name, but changing my name symboluses a mahot change/turning point in my life for me and I like it. What made up my mind was the fact that I wanted to have the same last name as my children. It’s not a big deal to some(and there are clearly plenty of different options), but that was my deciding factor! Good luck bee, do what you think is best for you =)

Post # 13
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I lost my dad back in January and it changed my view on changing my name. I wanted to take my now husbands name but didn’t want to lose my dad’s. I was going to change my middle name to my maiden but my mom was not happy with that. I ended up moving my maiden name to a second middle name and taking my husband last name.

Post # 14
8963 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Beeyond:  I’m a big time feminist and I changed my name. I would explain to mom that you’re proud and appreciative of the choices that are available because of her and the women of her generation and before. Thank her that you now have a choice, and explain that your choice is not a sign of subjugation or giving up your independence or your family — it’s your choice for several reasons that you’ve carefully considered. She should trust you to make the right choice for yourself just like she did for herself.

Post # 15
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Beeyond:  I briefly thought I’d written this post and forgot. I am in the 100% same situation you are. My family is the only one in the country with out surname. I have all the same reservations, and yet, part of me did want to make a change. I tossed it around for months and months, and have concluded I will be adding his name to mine. I’m not entirely certain yet, but I believe I’ll be making my surname a second middle (I love my given middle), so I can choose what situations I use what name in. I will always use my maiden for professional reasons, and when kids eventually come along, I will legally share their name. One thing I did was make a choice, and then quietly live with it for a week and see how it feels. 

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