(Closed) Help me decide whether to have kids at our wedding

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it wrong to not invite kids to my wedding?

    Yes. How dare you make your family find a babysitter.

    No. If they don't want a babysitter to look after their kids then so be it...less guests

    Have guests indicate whether or not they will be bringing kids on the invite. Optional kids.

    Cancel the whole blasted thing and elope

  • Post # 17
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    I didn’t vote. I’m all for children being invited to everything but then… I am European, and I’ve found from reading these boards that American bees tend to treat children as… er… a different type of thing from adults. I was always raised as a mini adult, as it were… same food, same social events, and correct behaviour expected at all times.

    I think weddings are a place for family, and if someone did not invite my (hypothetical) children I would assume that my presence wasn’t important either, and politely decline.

    Anyway, I would invite the children, but I would either have a babysitter, children’s entertainment in a separate room, or a chill out room with DVDs for them. Not everyone likes dancing, anyway (I don’t, and nor do many elderly people) so it’s always nice to have alternative entertainment. For example, we had giant jenga, giant chess, croquet, giant dominoes and activity books.

    Post # 18
    Member
    2587 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    @Julybride88:  “My cousin’s reasoning is that everyone she could have asked to babysit would be at the wedding.”

     

    What about her husband’s family? Surely all her in-laws aren’t invited too?

    Post # 20
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    It’s your wedding. If you don’t want kids there, for whatever reason (financial, adults only, etc) that is your decision and NO ONE has the right to make you feel bad for it. I don’t want kids at my wedding. The amount of weddings I have been at and a kid is screaming through the vows, I feel so bad for the bride and groom. 

    People get way to uppity about their kids. If it was me, I’d be glad off an adult day and night to let my hair down without having to worry about children!!!

    Post # 21
    Member
    2587 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    View original reply
    @Julybride88:  I’d Just laugh next time she says anything and say “do such-and-such not want him?” and that’d make it super awkward for her.

    Post # 23
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    @Rachel631:  I am also european and a lot of people feel the same about children at weddings. Also, to say weddings are a place for family is wrong. If a couple elopes and pulls two witnesses off the street, no family, does that make it less of a wedding? Weddings are a place for whatever makes the bride and grom happy, because it is the start of THEIR marriage and THEIR life together. If two people don’t want to get married in a church, or get hitched jumping out of a plane, or have a BDSM themed ceremony, great because it’s about what THEY want.

    For you to think your presence wasn’t important, and decline, just because your children werent invited is kinda selfish. It’s about the bride and groom, not the guests.

    Post # 24
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    View original reply
    @ToxicTinkerbell:  I have never declined an invitation to a wedding. I have never had to, because I do not have children and I have also never attended a child-free wedding.

    Besides that, an invitation is just that… an invitation. Not a summons. Any host is free to make any choice which suits them. And every guest is also welcome to politely decline for whatever reason.

    I should also say that my experience of organising my wedding made me realise that it isn’t about the bride and groom at all. It’s about what will **** people off the least. Which is what I did. I tried to do what would **** people off the least.

    I’m not berating OP for whatever she decides to do here. All I’m doing is spelling out my POV for the sake of honesty, and then advising her as best I can. It’s her call, and I wish her the best of luck no matter what she decides.

    Post # 25
    Member
    7581 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m always in the no kids camp. I have been to weddings and seen unruly children act up during speeches and break champagne glasses and watched some more as the parents just sat there and did nothing. After seeing this at two different weddings, I don’t trust parents to watch their kids. I have a very hard time understanding why people (your cousin) get so offended by this. Children don’t belong at a formal evening event anyways.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    We’re not having little kids. One of my cousins has 6 and they are unruly monsters at every family wedding. They are the only kids “in the family” right now, and I’m not inviting them. I’m not close to them, and I don’t even know all of their names!

    One of my out of town guests will probably be bringing their (very lovely) 13 year old daughter, but I know her well, and that’s why I will invite her.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    View original reply
    @Julybride88:  Well, fingers crossed that parents will be responsible enough for their children at your wedding. At least you will not have to put up with the guilt trips from your family now!

    The topic ‘Help me decide whether to have kids at our wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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